I hate my flaws.
Or do I?
I got to thinking about what a flaw is. How does it define me, and just how much does it affect my self esteem.
If I look up the definition of flaw, it states:
noun: flaw; plural noun: flaws
a mark, fault, or other imperfection that mars a substance or object. "plates with flaws in them were sold at the outlet store"
|synonyms:||defect, blemish, fault, imperfection, deficiency, weakness, weak spot/point/link, inadequacy, shortcoming, limitation, failing, foible;|
I suppose the next step is to take stock of my "imperfections." Recognize and admit that yes, I do indeed, have several flaws.
Let's start with the superficial ones, shall we?
1. I have ugly toes. (I blame those years of dancing in pointe shoes.)
2. I have a big belly.
3. I have chubby thighs.
4. I have hair I have to color every 6 weeks or I would be gray.
5. I have a bad pinky nail on my right hand. (Old infection, from over 20 years ago, dead nail.)
6. My teeth are stained from drinking too much coffee.
7. I have skin tag scars from having some removed under my arm.
8. My boobs are entirely too big. (I wear a G. Yes, you read it here.)
9. I have a huge bottom.
10. My forearms develop a rash when I am under a lot of stress.
11. I have an indention in my cheek when I smile - all from falling down some stairs when I worked in television, face first.
12. My toes have such severe arthritis from years of dancing, it's hard to move them most days.
13. I have splotchy freckles on my face.
14. I have love handles.
15. The skin on my heels is oftentimes dry, no matter what I do!
16. My eyebrows are developing gray.
17. My hair is prone to frizziness.
18. I'm short, and apparently shrinking.
19. I have dark circles under my eyes.
20. I have deep crevice wrinkles on my forehead.
Or I could keep going...
Now for the interior stuff:
1. I am extremely moody. One minute I am happy, the next I want to bite your head off.
2. I talk too fast. (Though my theory is people just think too slow.)
3. I am extremely sarcastic. I used to say cynical, but I don't think that's true anymore. But I have a very smart mouth and it gets me in tons of trouble.
4. My face is very expressive - I can't hide my emotions very well.
5. I may seem aloof when I meet new people.
6. I have a very sharp tongue. It's never good to tangle with me, I am not easily intimidated by anyone.
7. I think most people I meet are not as smart as me. (That's just horrible... isn't it?)
8. I can't spell. (which totally screws up #7.)
9. I suffer from word vomit.
10. I'm actually more sensitive than I would like to admit.
11. I do not trust very easily.
12. I tend to attract opportunists.
13. I do not process emotion quickly.
14. I am terrible at math.
15. If I like something, I will over indulge.
16. I'm scared sometimes to try things I really want, for fear of failure.
17. I do not feel loved. Ever. I mean... ever.
18. I would not sacrifice myself for anyone else. So yes, I'm selfish.
19. Money burns a hole in my pocket. I do love to shop.
20. I am incredibly critical of myself.
Again.. I could go on all day long.
Now that I have identified my flaws - how can I learn to embrace them?
After doing a little research on the subject, I have to say that I am pleased to see one of the first sentences on Mind+Body+Green website say:
It takes a remarkable mental, emotional, and spiritual maturity to own up to your own faults, a maturity than cannot be bought or sold and does not come with age but rather circumstance.
Wow. Okay, that feels good.. I think. Many years ago, I went to a therapist to work through some issues, and he said, and I have to say it was the best advice ever, "Nicole, it's not about fixing yourself. It's about being self-aware. Understanding why you do what you do."
I suppose some of the items on my list can be changed. Like the weight issues and learning to think before I speak, but overall, some of those items may never be changed. What I have to do is understand why, accept it for what it is, and simply live my life. If I am my own worst critic, then I need to fire that critic and replace her with a cheerleader. I've come a long way in life - from that shy scrawny kid, to.. is it wrong to admit it... a strong, successful, intelligent, and mildly beautiful woman.
Are you able to see your flaws? Are you self aware enough to admit it and move on?