Friday, May 23, 2014

Flaws.... I have a few

It's hard for those of us who want so desperately for everything around us (and inside of us,) to be perfect- to actually admit we have flaws.

I hate my flaws.

Or do I?

I got to thinking about what a flaw is. How does it define me, and just how much does it affect my self esteem.

If I look up the definition of flaw, it states:
noun: flaw; plural noun: flaws
a mark, fault, or other imperfection that mars a substance or object.   "plates with flaws in them were sold at the outlet store"
synonyms:defect, blemish, fault, imperfection, deficiency, weakness, weak spot/point/link, inadequacy, shortcoming, limitation, failing, foible;

I suppose the next step is to take stock of my "imperfections." Recognize and admit that yes, I do indeed, have several flaws.

Let's start with the superficial ones, shall we?

1. I have ugly toes. (I blame those years of dancing in pointe shoes.)
2. I have a big belly.
3. I have chubby thighs.
4. I have hair I have to color every 6 weeks or I would be gray.
5. I have a bad pinky nail on my right hand. (Old infection, from over 20 years ago, dead nail.)
6. My teeth are stained from drinking too much coffee.
7. I have skin tag scars from having some removed under my arm.
8. My boobs are entirely too big. (I wear a G. Yes, you read it here.)
9. I have a huge bottom.
10. My forearms develop a rash when I am under a lot of stress.
11. I have an indention in my cheek when I smile - all from falling down some stairs when I worked in television, face first.
12. My toes have such severe arthritis from years of dancing, it's hard to move them most days.
13. I have splotchy freckles on my face.
14. I have love handles.
15. The skin on my heels is oftentimes dry, no matter what I do!
16. My eyebrows are developing gray.
17. My hair is prone to frizziness.
18. I'm short, and apparently shrinking.
19. I have dark circles under my eyes.
20. I have deep crevice wrinkles on my forehead.

Or I could keep going...

Now for the interior stuff:

1. I am extremely moody. One minute I am happy, the next I want to bite your head off.
2. I talk too fast. (Though my theory is people just think too slow.)
3. I am extremely sarcastic. I used to say cynical, but I don't think that's true anymore. But I have a very smart mouth and it gets me in tons of trouble.
4. My face is very expressive - I can't hide my emotions very well.
5. I may seem aloof when I meet new people.
6. I have a very sharp tongue. It's never good to tangle with me, I am not easily intimidated by anyone.
7. I think most people I meet are not as smart as me. (That's just horrible... isn't it?)
8. I can't spell. (which totally screws up #7.)
9. I suffer from word vomit.
10. I'm actually more sensitive than I would like to admit.
11. I do not trust very easily.
12. I tend to attract opportunists.
13. I do not process emotion quickly.
14. I am terrible at math.
15. If I like something, I will over indulge.
16. I'm scared sometimes to try things I really want, for fear of failure.
17. I do not feel loved. Ever. I mean... ever. 
18. I would not sacrifice myself for anyone else. So yes, I'm selfish.
19. Money burns a hole in my pocket. I do love to shop.
20. I am incredibly critical of myself.

Again.. I could go on all day long.

Now that I have identified my flaws - how can I learn to embrace them?
After doing a little research on the subject, I have to say that I am pleased to see one of the first sentences on Mind+Body+Green website say:
It takes a remarkable mental, emotional, and spiritual maturity to own up to your own faults, a maturity than cannot be bought or sold and does not come with age but rather circumstance.

Wow. Okay, that feels good.. I think. Many years ago, I went to a therapist to work through some issues, and he said, and I have to say it was the best advice ever, "Nicole, it's not about fixing yourself. It's about being self-aware. Understanding why you do what you do." 

I suppose some of the items on my list can be changed. Like the weight issues and learning to think before I speak, but overall, some of those items may never be changed. What I have to do is understand why, accept it for what it is, and simply live my life. If I am my own worst critic, then I need to fire that critic and replace her with a cheerleader. I've come a long way in life - from that shy scrawny kid, to.. is it wrong to admit it... a strong, successful, intelligent, and mildly beautiful woman. 

Are you able to see your flaws? Are you self aware enough to admit it and move on? 

1 comment:

Leanne said...

I have deep wrinkles on my forehead, too!!!! LOL!!! It cracks me up, because with all of my faults (of which I could go on and on), the wrinkles on my forehead bother me the most. And I think that is so ridiculous, but true. For years I have talked about having Botox or fillers or something done to them, but then I fear I'll walk around with a huge forehead (bigger than the one I already have). What makes me Laugh is that I am pretty much "I am who I am" about many of my faults, but the wrinkles . . . can't come to terms with them. . . . ;)

Here's what I think on the whole fault thing . . . We are often conditioned by society that we are not good enough, or that there is always something better out there. I am who I am. Faults and all. And I know that, even with my faults, I do my very best to make the days brighter. I focus my days on happiness, on kindness, on teaching my children the difference between right and wrong, on putting something good out into the World each and every day. I may not be perfect, but I recognize that the world is not perfect. And if I can rest my head at the end of the day and know that I did one thing to leave this world better . . . then my friend, bravo for me. I don't claim to be perfect, I wear my faults on my sleeve (or, on my forehead) . . . But I think life is so much more than that. Authentic. While overused, it's what I strive to be.


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