Questioning Faith

“If you don't behave as you believe, you will end by believing as you behave.”
― Fulton J. Sheen

If this is the truth... then I am in trouble. 

You see, I love my religious denomination. I love the fact that the Catholic Church is the very church that Jesus built his idea of Christianity upon. He looked to his best friend, Peter, and said, "Hey man.. I want you to build my church." Peter was like, "Cool, dude. Consider it done."

And so it began.

But here's the problem - real life makes it NEXT TO IMPOSSIBLE to live up to the Church's idea of what it means to be in good standing with the "Church."

For one, I believe in birth control. I do. Even within a marriage, if you do not want children, I do not believe you should risk it and not use birth control. Add to that, I can't have kids.

Secondly, things happen. According to the Catholic Church, I am not in good standing for many reasons: I'm divorced. I do not go to mass each week. I don't go to confession (maybe 4 times in my WHOLE life.) 

Which leads to my issues: I want to go and participate fully in mass, but technically, I can't. I would be denied the Eucharist (what many of you might call "communion"),  all because I am divorced. That's right. I know I can go through an annulment, but do you know how difficult that would be? Not to mention, my husband was Muslim - he could care less about my religious beliefs. It also takes a really, really long time. 

I am missing something so incredibly important to me - and that's a religious social life. As a kid, I participated in Sunday School, Christmas plays, and Youth Group. As an adult, I was in the Ladies Axillary (of the Knights of Columbus,) member of a prayer group, and even a youth group leader. NOW... well.. now... I am lacking and the problem is - I can't get involved. Not at my home church. 

St. Joseph's is led by a very conservative Catholic priest by the name of Father MacDonald. He is by-the-book. Literally. In Birmingham, the two older Irish Catholic priests would serve communion to everyone, they did not care. Here, no way Jose. He will deny you. He will stop you from serving in any capacity. I'm stuck.

But I love the mass. I love the ceremony. I love the worshipping factor. When I rejoined the church, I had to send a picture. He knows who's who. (Even though there are over 5,000 people.) When you get involved, you have to say whether or not you are in good standing with the church- and know this the Church (Vatican) keeps amazing records. Everything from my Baptism to my confirmation to name changes... everything. 

Where does that leave me? Do I go to mass, to get my ceremony and fulfill my needs? Do I then get involved with another congregation and another (dare I say it - Protestant) church and participate in bible study and other activities I enjoy - but always remain a Catholic?

Decisions.. decisions.

The Who

WOW - One of you sent me some seriously crazy questions to answer..
I accept your challenge!


How do you feel about people who make Facebook profiles for their pets?
- I think that is a little self indulgent, but very creative. I could see creating a fan page.. versus a friend page. That's gives me a great idea - I am going to create a fan page for my fluffy pillow. ;-)

If you drink coffee, do you have a favorite flavor & brand? If so, what?
- Seriously? Did you really just ask this question? I drink coffee - and a LOT. At home, I am a traditionalist, I usually purchase Starbucks ground or whole bean coffee. I do use creamer. Typically I will pick up the Italian Sweet Creme from Coffee Mate. I also have an espresso machine, and my husband makes Turkish coffee.

When I go to Starbucks - I will order a caffe latte, cappuchino or caramel macchiato.

At the convenience store - I grab a double shot espresso (can from Starbucks.)

Have you ever personally known a pair of Conjoined twins?
- Actually no. But I find it fascinating. I assure you, if I see some, I am their new best friend.

What is your first thought when you see people kissing in public?
- Eww.. Not a fan of PDA. But a sweet peck is romantic.

Does the fact that Eminem is a notorious homophobe bother you?
No. Everyone has a right to be who they are. He's just an idiot.

Would you ever consider being a professional stunt-person?
Ummm.. no.

How about a Mailman?
- Heck yeah. I think there is something very zen about the route and organizing by zip.

Who would win in a fight between a grilled cheese and a taco?
The taco has more muscle, definitely. If I have to choose between the two for food.. I might say grilled cheese.

What do you think of people who keep exotic animals as pets?
HA - I used to be one of those people. And it's a really stupid idea.

Would you ever donate your body to science? Why/why not?
Actually - sort of. I am an organ donor. But I really want to be cremated, so - they can take some parts of me.. just not the whole shebang.

Do you think the feeling of flying a plane would be amazing? Or just scary?
Both.

In hide-n-seek, what was the longest amount of time you ever stayed hidden?
Oh WOW - 30 minutes once. We used to play a counselor hunt at a camp I worked at - I lay in a ditch covered in leaves for almost 1/2 an hour. I totally think I would rock in War. ;-)

(Besides Hello kitty) Do you have a favorite Sanrio character? If so, Who?
- San who?

What was the most disturbing thing you have ever heard your mother say?
Disturbing.. not so sure. Mean- "I wish you were never born."

Do you flinch when strangers touch you? I flinch a lot. I am jumpy. I get so focused on something, I will not even realize you are there. You pop up and speak, I will jump out of my skin.

Can you remember the first time you went to a movie theater?
Sort of. I think it was to see Bambi.

If so, can you remember what movie you saw? What was it?
Oops - I skipped ahead.

What is one fear you DIDN'T have as a child but do now?
Heights.

How can you be sure that you really exist?
I was just thinking about this the other day.

Is there something in particular you like to look at photos of? What is it?
I like nature pics and baby animals. (See there is a soft side to me.)

Do you actually like the taste of Diet Soda? I actually do. But I rarely drink the crap.

Would/do you carry a purse made of real leather? I have in the past - I don't now. I am trying to be conscious of the whole cruelty free thing.

Describe to me your last major epiphany: Read my post on "They Actually Don't Understand."

Do you think eating disorders are caused by a genetic predisposition? NO. I think eating disorders are caused by a distortion/view of their body and according to a friend of mine that was hospitalized for years b/c of this - child molestation can contribute. She never wanted a woman's body. She did not want to be seen as a sexual object.

If not, do you believe it is the media? Or something else? Please explain.
I think I just did.

What brand of toilet paper do you normally use? Charmin, double roll.

Do the Charmin bears make you feel uncomfortable? No.. but it's gross to think of dirty toilet paper stuck to their furry behinds..

On average, how many cans of soda would you say you drink daily? 0 (more like.. maybe one every other week.

Chewy chocolate-chip cookies: like or dislike?
I like.

Did/do you ever stick your chewed -up gum under tables? Yep.

Can you remember the last thing you watched on the news that upset you?
Violence in Libya

If you can, will you tell me what it was? I just did.

If your Boyfriend/Girlfriend wanted to dress only in the opposite sex's....
Clothing, would you support that? If not, would you leave them? hahahaha
I actually dated a guy that eventually admitted he liked dressing in women's clothing. However, he was straight.
Needless to say... that relationship is no longer.

What does your favorite throw blanket look like? It's a coral colored snuggie. OR my red soft snowflake blanket.

How do you feel about red lipstick, is it whorish? I love red lipstick. I don't think it's whorish. What makes something whorish is if you have sex and get paid for it. That's whorish.

What is YOU'RE definition of feminism? Knowing that women are unique as well as equal to men. Knowing a woman is capable of doing great things.

What was the last toy you got in a Happy Meal? I haven't had a Happy Meal in a million years. I'll keep you posted.

Are you comfortable in shorts? It doesn't bother me. Again, I am not obsessed with my body. Sure, I am chubby - but whatever.

So, have you watched that Bob's Burgers show? Do you like it? Huh?

Describe to me a favorite memory you have with someone you met online: That would be the post titled: "What the deal with you and yasser"

Do you think your grandmother is/was beautiful? My Grandma Betty had BEAUTIFUL green eyes. My grandma Thurston... hmmm.. maybe she had pretty dark hair.

What do you think of the KKK? Are they a joke now? I think they are a bunch of uneducated scum of the earth. (Remember, I live in the South) -  They are not a joke, and I would be very careful around them. They are dangerous and they are real.


Okay - there you have it. I answered your questions. Thanks for sending them. If anyone has any questions they would like me to answer (anonymous like this one) or not - feel free!

What is RIGHT?

I am just going to put this out there and see what comes back to me.

How much  - is too much information?

Do you know what I mean? Where is the line drawn when it comes to having a confidante versus just plain gossip?

Should you tell your partner/spouse everything?

If so, should you be given the option for "safe grounds"? Licence to vent?

I come from the philosophy that if you keep things bottled up.. you are like Kevin Kline's character in "French Kiss", where Meg Ryan announced in a french cafe.. "Fester Fester Fester.. rot rot rot."

I express - I don't repress. Apparently, that's not a good thing to some people.

Typically, I don't care what others think. I live my life out loud.. but when someone you know says you are not a good person because you may or may not have not-so-good feelings about someone, and you express that - then you are not a loyal, trust worthy person. HUH?

Do you keep your opinions to yourself? What if someone hurts you, and you want to share what that person did to you? By sharing that with a confidante, does that make you an evil- gossipy person. When you share past hurts, or disagreements, etc - does that make you untrustworthy?

These are perplexing questions to me on this Monday morning. Clearly I did not get the memo that I am supposed to smile and pretend life is just one big rose-colored stage for me to perform on.