Questioning Faith

“If you don't behave as you believe, you will end by believing as you behave.”
― Fulton J. Sheen

If this is the truth... then I am in trouble. 

You see, I love my religious denomination. I love the fact that the Catholic Church is the very church that Jesus built his idea of Christianity upon. He looked to his best friend, Peter, and said, "Hey man.. I want you to build my church." Peter was like, "Cool, dude. Consider it done."

And so it began.

But here's the problem - real life makes it NEXT TO IMPOSSIBLE to live up to the Church's idea of what it means to be in good standing with the "Church."

For one, I believe in birth control. I do. Even within a marriage, if you do not want children, I do not believe you should risk it and not use birth control. Add to that, I can't have kids.

Secondly, things happen. According to the Catholic Church, I am not in good standing for many reasons: I'm divorced. I do not go to mass each week. I don't go to confession (maybe 4 times in my WHOLE life.) 

Which leads to my issues: I want to go and participate fully in mass, but technically, I can't. I would be denied the Eucharist (what many of you might call "communion"),  all because I am divorced. That's right. I know I can go through an annulment, but do you know how difficult that would be? Not to mention, my husband was Muslim - he could care less about my religious beliefs. It also takes a really, really long time. 

I am missing something so incredibly important to me - and that's a religious social life. As a kid, I participated in Sunday School, Christmas plays, and Youth Group. As an adult, I was in the Ladies Axillary (of the Knights of Columbus,) member of a prayer group, and even a youth group leader. NOW... well.. now... I am lacking and the problem is - I can't get involved. Not at my home church. 

St. Joseph's is led by a very conservative Catholic priest by the name of Father MacDonald. He is by-the-book. Literally. In Birmingham, the two older Irish Catholic priests would serve communion to everyone, they did not care. Here, no way Jose. He will deny you. He will stop you from serving in any capacity. I'm stuck.

But I love the mass. I love the ceremony. I love the worshipping factor. When I rejoined the church, I had to send a picture. He knows who's who. (Even though there are over 5,000 people.) When you get involved, you have to say whether or not you are in good standing with the church- and know this the Church (Vatican) keeps amazing records. Everything from my Baptism to my confirmation to name changes... everything. 

Where does that leave me? Do I go to mass, to get my ceremony and fulfill my needs? Do I then get involved with another congregation and another (dare I say it - Protestant) church and participate in bible study and other activities I enjoy - but always remain a Catholic?

Decisions.. decisions.

Just Bursting With Fruit Flavor

My spirit is renewed today! I have hope, I have expectations, I have possibilities.

If you are the praying kind, please shoot a little one up to the big guy for me tonight, will you?

Sorry for the lack of writing today, I think I more than made up for it with 2 blog posts yesterday. ;-)

Tonight - it's all about hope and well.. my hopes are up! I know, I know... I am usually a little afraid of getting my hopes up, but tonight - I think it is safe.

Before I go back to my date with Netflix (Just finished Village of the Damned) - I want to leave you with some excellent quotes about my favorite word tonight - HOPE.

 Once you choose hope, anything's possible. ~Christopher Reeve


Hope is some extraordinary spiritual grace that God gives us to control our fears, not to oust them. ~Vincent McNabb


When the world says, "Give up,"
Hope whispers, "Try it one more time."
~Author Unknown

If you knew that hope and despair were paths to the same destination, which would you choose?  ~Robert Brault

The road that is built in hope is more pleasant to the traveler than the road built in despair, even though they both lead to the same destination. ~Marian Zimmer Bradley


And finally.... the reason I think it is safe to get my "hopes" up - comes from the following quote:

Hope is faith holding out its hand in the dark. ~George Iles


That's right... maybe it's faith I am experiencing...

Faith in a better tomorrow!

One Week of Thanks

I have decided to jump on the thankful train and dedicate seven posts for seven days - all  about the seven greatest wonders of my world.

Simple! Want to jump on this thankful train? You are most welcomed!

Thursday, November 18th, 2010 - What I am MOST thankful for - My faith in God.

I know, here comes the eye rolling from my many atheist/agnostic friends. Just hear me out.

I AM most thankful to be blessed (and yes - I see it as a blessing) to have faith in a higher power. I believe in God and know that he loves me and has a plan for me. That alone brings me great peace and happiness.

I am equally glad I grew up Christian - and in particular, chose the Catholic faith. What a loving, beautiful faith! For those of you who think differently, I am afraid you were exposed to a dark side of something that is truly beautiful. Unfortunately, there are bad people and bad elements and they do things out of pride, power, and shame. But for me - I see the good that was established and I am most thankful.

I take great comfort when I see a cross. I experience a sigh of relief as I say a prayer and I am forever humbled by the great sacrifice Jesus made for me. Yeah - I said it - and yes, I believe it.

This Thanksgiving - I must give thanks to God above for all of the wonderful blessings he has bestowed upon me. I am glad, in my cynical little heart, that I was able see past bitterness and temptations and chose to be a believer. It is what it is, and it is hard to stand and say I believe in something/someone I have never seen with my own eyes. Yet, here I am. Saying it.

Faith is a tough pill to swallow in this super cynical world.

As cheesy as that sounds.. it's true. :-)

So - THANKFUL #1 - Faith in God. My one place for peace.