You Can't Wish It Away

If you and I sat down across from one another, and we were having a little chat (fueled by coffee, I'm sure,) I am positive we would some how end up on the subject of our wants, our needs, even our life long dreams. 

Because that's what we as humans do.

We yearn. We hope. We pray.

I have spent years idolyzing the idea of dreams. I want so badly to create these goals and one by one check them off my to-do list. I typically get around to everything, however, I wonder if I am selling myself short.

That's why I chose the word "Live" as my theme word for the year. I just want to "go with the flow." I have to tell you, it's been working for me the last couple of years. 

I have watched two people I am incredibly close to go through some tough times recently. I was finally able to construct a fairly healthy bubble to keep too much of their residual negativity at bay. But what I noticed both are doing is living in the future. I see them trying to control the outcome of things that may or may not be within their control. I told one of them, just this morning, that the only thing you can do is release the fear, turn it over to a higher power, and live your life. Honestly, that's all you can do.

We can wish, and hope, and believe everything will work out, and typically it does in one form or another. If your basic needs are being met, then it worked out. But that's not always the optimal case. Some how, I have been able to condition myself to just let it go - something just three years ago would have seemed impossible.

When I was thrown a massive crisis, I did a few things that sort of helped me keep it together.

When losing a job: Treat looking for a job, as your job. Schedule time to research and apply. Also devote a few hours to volunteering. Keep your resume active. 

When faced with financial difficulty: Remember that it's simple math. Cover your basic needs and build up the rest. I was told many years ago that you should always have three months worth of your salary in your bank savings account. Try to build back up to this. 

When faced with a crisis: Take it one day at a time. It's sounds cliche, but it is true. Make a list of everything YOU can do. Decide what you will do that day. Then do it. Let it go and move on. You've done everything you can. Don't dwell, don't worry - it's out of your hands. What will be, will be.

Finally, always find a way to decompress. Make sure you talk to a trusted friend. Find ways to laugh. Sit still and quiet for a few minutes. Pray. And if you must, cry your eyes out. 

For those of you dealing with something painful right now, I hope you know that this too shall pass. It really will. Life is not easy, however, it does not have to be a cess-pool of toxic drama either. Pause. Reflect. Breath.. and don't wish it all away. 

To Feel Good

One practice that I picked up in 2013 is to stop complaining. Stop blaming. Stop allowing myself to "feel bad."

Ever notice how when you spend any amount of time with someone who does something you are trying so hard to break, it just sort of solidifies why you should stop?

I have some people who are close to me that are addicted to complaining. Listening to them moan and groan about their aches and pains, their financial difficulties, their relationship issues, or whatever the case may be can put a strain and a drain on any relationship. 

Of course, listening to a friend in need is very important. You have to be able to share your problems with someone who is willing to listen. But we all need to try a little harder to let go of that addictive need to constantly tell people our problems. We have to stop dwelling. We have to push forward.

I realize that when I lost my job, moved home, and my husband moved away that I was constantly talking about how bleak things looked. I know this, and I wish I could take it all back. A few of my closest friends quit even hanging out with me, especially when I needed them most, and that hurt. However, there were a few that clung to me and wanted to be there for me (however, looking back, they suddenly disappeared when things got better for me.)

It's interesting to see the different types of relationships people have with one another. One is a fair weather friend, while the other is codependent (always wanting to fix you or be your savior.) I like the friends that can weather the storm and celebrate the transitions - those are the keepers.

I am now addicted to feeling good. To thinking positive thoughts, remaining hopeful, and standing strong. I think we all need to work on fueling our minds and bodies with more good - less grumbling. 

Perhaps today we can start by not falling into that "grumble mode." Perhaps when someone grumbles to us, we simply smile and not fall into the clutches of "misery loves company." 

I hope today you find some way to stay positive!