Tuesday, September 29, 2015

Stop Dwelling

I have to remind myself some days of how blessed I truly am.

Not just me, all of us.

If we look around and take stock of all of the good in our lives, then we should have very little time to dwell on what has been denied.

Yesterday was not an easy day for me. Not at all.
When I got off of work, I felt something stirring... something was off. As I pulled out of our driveway, I saw my church's steeple over the trees. It reminded me that it has been a while since I sat in the house of the Lord.

So I drove over there. I walked quickly from my car to the side door, already a little wet from all of the mist. As I walked in a group of Asian tourists and their American tour guide come in right behind me.

I debated leaving.

I just wanted one moment of peace, in my church, with God.

Instead, I walked over to the candles, and lit one and said a quick prayer for my family. It was the first thing that came to my mind.

My candle is the one in the center
As I was lighting my candle, I heard snap, click and witnessed a flash go off. I sort of sighed as that happened.

Then I went over to the first pew and lowered the kneeler.
I crossed myself and whispered, "In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit," and I bowed my head.

Again... snap - click - flash.

I was getting frustrated. I was somehow the souvenir of the Asian tourist. My faith, my time of need, my meditation was now something for people to share with their friends back home.

All I could do was say to God,

"God.. this makes me uncomfortable. Please... let them leave soon. I need a minute with you. Just you. And I need to take that minute here."

I continued to feel odd about praying with them RIGHT BEHIND ME. So, I crossed myself again and just sat there staring at the crucifix. I took a few deep breaths, and as I was exhaling slowly, the tourists left.

Just like that.

And I was alone.

In the house of the Lord. With God. With my thoughts. Sitting in front of the tabernacle.. I prayed. I laid all of my worries there. Just handing it over.

I felt a sense of peace over come me. I smiled.. and I left.

I needed a moment, or two to just be alone. This is such an interesting time in my life, and I am preparing myself for the next chapter.

When stumbling blocks present themselves, I have to remember where to turn.

And to breathe.
And to trust.
And to let go.

Luckily, my SG and I had a wonderful conversation that afternoon. He helped soothe my worries about the future, and he reminded me that everything is as it should be. He really is a gift from God.

I am responsible for so much. I am required to do so much. There are high expectations.
I'm a bit of a perfectionist, so much so, that sometimes I block my own progress.

I must relax. Stop dwelling on what has been denied over the years, and focus on all of the good that God has provided for me.

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