“Don't you ever get the feeling that all your life is going by and you're not taking advantage of it? Do you realize you've lived nearly half the time you have to live already?”
― Ernest Hemingway, The Sun Also Rises
And there you have it - another weekend where I took some time to replenish my soul and enjoy life... just a little bit more.
My roomie and I were chatting about life, love, and everything else in between on Friday night. We sat, as we normally do, in our fold out chairs on the balcony, sipping margaritas and watching the sun set. As we were solving most of the world's problems, it hit me - My biggest fear is dying without truly living. It has always been so.
With that being said, my most intimate wish is to feel as if I have done all I could do, seen all I wanted to see, and experienced as much of this life as humanly possible and to take advantage of what it has to offer. I want this realization to hit me the moment I close my eyes for the last time.
Too much to ask? I don't think so.
These are the types of things I think about at 41. I've accomplished plenty career wise, and I realize there is waaaay more ahead. I have been married. I have lost people. I've experienced a lot of the successes and failures I was either hoping for or dreading as a young adult. Now, I have new hopes and fears - but something else that I never had before - a sense of finality and peace.
A weird little twinge of peace that sorts of rears its head from time to time.
Lately, my stressors and fears include the "unlived life," or filing and paying taxes and even having enough for retirement. It includes getting my health back on track by watching what I eat and exercising a little more. You feel so invincible when you are younger, it's crazy how quickly all of those bad choices you made catch up to you in your 40s.
Then the goals that I have set - I still have hopes and dreams. There are still 1/2 a dozen places on this planet I simply must see. I need to find a house (vacation or permanent) that I would like to spend my later years. I would like to go back to school and learn a few new things. I want to have a life partner/husband/soulmate - whatever you call that person. There's other stuff, but that's for my heart only.
It is incredibly important that we live our lives to the fullest. Everyday - try to say yes, when no would just be easier. Put yourself in situations that challenge you. Be a risk taker. (Not in the toxic sense, but by expanding your bubble.) Each day, each hour - we get another chance.
C. Joy Bell C. once said, "You can be the most beautiful person in the world and everybody sees light and rainbows when they look at you, but if you yourself don't know it, all of that doesn't even matter. Every second that you spend on doubting your worth, every moment that you use to criticize yourself; is a second of your life wasted, is a moment of your life thrown away. It's not like you have forever, so don't waste any of your seconds, don't throw even one of your moments away.”
What do you plan to do this week to truly live your life to the fullest?