Wednesday, July 23, 2014

Sleep Walking

I woke up sleepy. 
That is never a good sign for the day.

My wave of good luck sort of over slept too.

While stepping into my bedroom to pick something up, I accidentally left my last diet coke on the coffee table. For most people, this would be a very normal occurrence - in my home it is an opportunity for my big orange tabby, Salvatore, to play "King of the House," and he knocked the drink right off the table... onto the floor.. the beige carpeted floor... that was just professionally cleaned two weeks ago.


Of course, none of this has to do with luck, but with the fact  that I was tired. I was simply not paying attention, and unfortunately something happened. 

That's how life goes for the most part. We find ourselves on autopilot, trying to get through the day. I have spent the past year like that - on autopilot. That's not a good feeling when I look back, but I think it was a necessary feeling.

It is fascinating to me look back at how I dealt with the blows of 2013. Divorce - Dating - Finances - Work - Sick Cats -  it was all a heavy load to carry. I fumbled through it, and from time to time, when I wasn't paying a whole of attention, a mini crisis would happen. I handled it, like I handle everything else. Every time I caught myself in the middle of the storm, I remember something one of my old managers, Erica, said to me many years ago, "Nicole, life is really simple. It's all just a series of fires that you will have to put out." When I decided to treat my life this way, it made it so much easier to roll with the punches. 

I've learned to forgive. I think that is one of the biggest lessons. Like this morning, my cat sat there, looking at me, and I am pretty sure he realized he messed up because he cowered down when I discovered the spilled coke. I yelled a little about the stain on the carpet... but then in less than 2 minutes I had calmed down, grabbed the stain remover, and I began cleaning up the mess. This is exactly what I have been doing with my life for the past few months - just cleaning up the mess that someone else left behind.

After I was able to see that not too much damage was done, I made a point go over to Salvatore and assure him that he was loved. He seriously looked sorry. Maybe I'm delusional... but the truth is, I needed to follow through on this act. 

Next major lesson I have learned is patience. I've learned to trust with my whole heart that everything is going to be okay.... and it is. I've learned to "Let go, and let God." There is power in that act.

Finally, I have learned follow my heart. TRULY ask for what I want out of life. An ex boyfriend of mine came over last night, he needed to talk. He is going through some things, and he and I spent about 5 months together at the end of 2013/early 2014. I listened, I gave advice, I commiserated... we talked about the past, and we laughed. It is good to be at a place of forgiveness, to exercise patience, and to still be able to show compassion. I told him plain and simple what I wanted out of life, and that having him as a friend was as far as we could ever take it. It felt good to say what I knew I needed to say, and not hold onto something that in the end is not good for me (just because it is there.) 

I have successfully freed myself from all things that were holding me down - some I did for myself, and some an outside force severed ties that needed to be severed. (I call that divine intervention.)

Life is as it should be. Simple fires that need to be extinguished. Right now, I have a space full of cinders and I'm ready to rebuild from the ground up. :-)

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