Wednesday, February 17, 2010

And so it begins...



The day after. ;-) I ended up having a very Happy Birthday, thanks to a group of really fabulous people.

I am extremely blessed to have met the type of people that I have in Birmingham. What is so very interesting about them - NONE are from Birmingham.

I sat looking at my menagerie of friends, and saw an amazing group of talented, animated, intelligent people.

Last night, I had what I called an "unBirthday Party." I did not want balloons or cake or songs. I just wanted to sit around and have fabulous conversation.

First to arrive was Crystal. She came in holding nothing other than a bouquet of red balloons. *sigh* lol. She brought red plates, cups, forks & spoons - and a container of Raspberry flavored frozen yogurt called Raspberry Roadrunner. For me - she brought a piece of Tiramisu. Ahhh..


Second arrival was Julie. She came with a container of Hummus, crackers and an adorable swim cover up in blue by Liz Clairborne. Beautiful! (Julie and I go to the pool together in the summer time!!)

Third arrival was my friend Tiffany. Tiff gave me a $25 gift certificate to a local restaurant!!


Fourth arrival was Ma'Moon. He brought a fabulous bottle of Alfred Sung's Shi perfume. :-)


Fifth arrival was Katie. She brought me a beautiful bouquet of tiger lilies.


6th & 7th - Collen & Kacie. They brought smiles!


We proceeded to play the game of Mad Gab - that was toooo much fun.


We laughed, we talked about our birthday's past and how things have changed. (This year no alcohol.)




So, I wake up on this ash Wednesday - no Facebook (I deactivated), yet contentment. Yesterday WAS a good day.



Monday, February 15, 2010

Happy Birthday... to moi!

I find myself heading down the scale on the other end of my thirties. By the time I finish writing this post, it will probably officially be midnight and yes, I will be 37.



When did this happen?



I know I have joked about my birthday for days now. It's fun to complain and joke and tease about aging. But the truth is - 37 does not sound as young as 36.


Last night (which was Valentine's Day), the egyptian and I were enjoying a little mexican food at a local dive. While eating, I look across at the love of my life and said, "I think I am going to have some friends over tomorrow night for my 37th birthday." I announced this because I did not want to spend my birthday alone. My egyptian has to work tomorrow night.

After this announcement, he proceeds to lower his fork and say, "You will be 37?" I stopped eating and just looked at him. I said, "Yeah - you know this. 37." He begins staring out the window and says.. "Hmph..." and shakes his head.

WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT MEAN???



Which brings me back to the whole idea of what a shocker it is to turn 37. Perhaps 38 won't be as bad. Because I will have adjusted to living within the other spectrum of my 30s. 37 versus 32. BIG difference in sounding young. 37 - 28. What do you think of that combo? Well that is what the difference is with my egyptian and I. Luckily, he will turn 29 in April - and that puts him in a different category in my mind. But for now - 37 - 28. HUGE difference.


Just how do I plan to celebrate this birthday? Well, it definitely will not be like year's past. Nope.



I will proudly host an unbirthday party for myself. How do you like that? unbirthday party.
Here are the rules:

1. No balloons
2. No cake
3. No alcohol
4. No happiness
5. No singing of culturally accepted celebration songs.

Yep.... people will just come, and well - sit. Hopefully I will successfully make them all miserable - as miserable as I feel to turn 37.

I told you I am a sweet girl??~!! LOL

Well - enough of that. I am tired now.. best to let the 36th year pass on.

Sunday, February 14, 2010

Above all things.. Love



How many time have you loved and swore you would never love again?

Do you remember your first kiss?

How many promises did we make to love one another for ever and ever ~ and yet one day that love just dissolved?

It is Valentine's Day. High pressure to find yourself saturated in L'amour.

Historically, Valentine's Day is an annual holiday held on February 14 celebrating love and affection between intimate companions. The holiday is named after one or more early Christian martyrs named Valentine and was established by Pope Gelasius I in AD 496. It is traditionally a day on which lovers express their love for each other by presenting flowers, offering candy, and sending greeting cards (known as "valentines").

The holiday first became associated with romantic love in the circle of Geoffrey Chaucer in the High Middle Ages, when the tradition of courtly love flourished. (See gentlemen, you have Chaucer to blame for the pressure!) Drat, that Chaucer!

Apparently the "love" portion can be found in Chaucer's Parlement of Foules (1382).
Chaucer wrote:
For this was on seynt Volantynys day
Whan euery bryd comyth there to chese his make.

["For this was Saint Valentine's Day, when every bird cometh there to choose his mate."]

There you have it. A Day to choose your Mate. WOWza.

Using the language of the law courts for the rituals of courtly love, a "High Court of Love" was established in Paris on Valentine's Day in 1400.
(Of course - the FRENCH)
According to Wikipedia, the court dealt with love contracts, betrayals, and violence against women. Judges were selected by women on the basis of a poetry reading. (How cool is that?)

I discovered that the earliest surviving valentine is a fifteenth-century rondeau written by Charles, Duke of Orleans to his wife, which commences.

Je suis desja d'amour tannéMa tres doulce Valentinée…
—Charles d'Orléans , Rondeau VI, lines 1–2
At the time, the duke was being held in the Tower of London following his capture at the Battle of Agincourt, 1415.

Another piece I found Valentine's Day mentioned is done ruefully by Ophelia in Hamlet (1600-1601):

To-morrow is Saint Valentine's day,
All in the morning betime,
And I a maid at your window,
To be your Valentine.
Then up he rose, and donn'd his clothes,
And dupp'd the chamber-door;
Let in the maid, that out a maid
Never departed more.
—William Shakespeare , Hamlet, Act IV, Scene 5 - oh that Billy sure knew a thing or two about melodrama.

But what about more modern times? I know that most of the books I have one Love Poetry, and other truly divine works were all quite old. When did the whole need for a Valentine's Day card become essential? Wouldn't the card be considered the poetry of today?

I did a little research and found that.. and if you consider this more modern (heck, compared to the middle ages, it was) - in 1797, a British publisher issued The Young Man’s Valentine Writer, which contained scores of suggested sentimental verses for the young lover unable to compose his own.

Printers had already begun producing a limited number of cards with verses and sketches, called “mechanical valentines,” and a reduction in postal rates in the next century ushered in the less personal but easier practice of mailing valentines. That, in turn, made it possible for the first time to exchange cards anonymously, which is taken as the reason for the sudden appearance of racy verse in an era otherwise prudishly Victorian. OH HOW I LOVE A GOOD SCANDAL!

Paper Valentines being so popular in England in the early 1800s, Valentines began to be assembled in factories. Fancy Valentines were made with real lace and ribbons, with paper lace introduced in the mid 1800's. Right below and to the right is an example of the lace and ribbon Valentine.

The reinvention of Saint Valentine's Day in the 1840s has been traced by Leigh Eric Schmidt. As a writer in Graham's American Monthly observed in 1849, "Saint Valentine's Day... is becoming, nay it has become, a national holyday." In the United States, the first mass-produced valentines of embossed paper lace were produced and sold shortly after 1847 by Esther Howland (1828-1904) of Worcester, Massachusetts.


This pic here is an Ester Howland.


Since the 19th century, handwritten notes have largely given way to mass-produced greeting cards.


In the second half of the twentieth century, the practice of exchanging cards was extended to all manner of gifts in the United States, usually from a man to a woman.

Such gifts typically include roses and chocolates packed in a red satin, heart-shaped box.

In the 1980s, the diamond industry began to promote Valentine's Day as an occasion for giving jewelry. The day has come to be associated with a generic platonic greeting of "Happy Valentine's Day."

As a joke, Valentine's Day is also referred to as "Singles Awareness Day."

In some North American elementary schools, children decorate classrooms, exchange cards, and eat sweets. The greeting cards of these students sometimes mention what they appreciate about each other.

The rise of Internet popularity at the turn of the millennium is creating new traditions. Millions of people use, every year, digital means of creating and sending Valentine's Day greeting messages such as e-cards, love coupons or printable greeting cards.


I remember one Valentines Day in particular, and I want to say it was 5th grade. I got a box of "chocolate scented" Valentine's Day cards with these stickers. Only a few of the stickers were scented, and I made sure to give the cutest boys the ones with the scented stickers. It was sooo much fun to decorate our little brown paper bags with the "paper lace" heart and staple it to the bulletin board. At the end of the day, our little bag would be bursting with Valentines. I have a hope chest (well - a trunk I bought) and I still have some of those Valentines.

In high school, I was consistent with my Valentine. I dated the same boy for two years. I received a HUGE panda and a balloon bouquet and flowers. It was very important to get these items delivered to school. Because the ability to parade down the halls with all of this admiration was a signal to everyone how much you are adored. How horrible it would have been to not have my parade of balloons. ;-)

In college, people are bit more broke. Again, I dated another guy for many years. (Serial monogamer with possibly 3 stents in my entire life of singledom - and I assure you, I had fun!) I can't remember anything in particular on Valentine's Day. Probably a special themed party at a local bar.

As an adult - I have been married twice. Ah yes, cupid's arrow decided to give me her vicious little wounds. My first husband was quite the charmer. He showed up one day, while I was working as a News Producer at a Television Station, dressed in a tux (he owned) with 200 white roses (my favorite) and he painted a picture of the Bird Girl from Savannah and placed 26 little yellow daisies on the ground in the painting. (My birthday is 2 days after Valentine's Day - sooo apparently that year I was turning 26.) Granted - 8 years later, we were finished - but the effort, or his effort did not go unnoticed.

My current Valentine - has got to be the LOVE OF MY LIFE. Ooooh... l'amour. How painful and dramatic and ... *sigh*...

This man embodies everything I EVER wanted in a man. He is tall, he is "dark" and obviously in my opinion - he is handsome. He has very high morals. He is very intelligent - speaks 3 languages and is over-educated! Ha! He is well traveled, is a writer... he loves music. He is strong...

I guess just having him in the country with me should be enough for Valentine's Day. Since, he does not celebrate this little tradition - it may have to be enough. So I awake on this day of love - and find no flowers, no cards, no breakfast in bed.

But I have one thing - this is the man I love. Beats all of those dead flowers and artery clogging chocolates any day.

Saturday, February 13, 2010

Living with Compassion and Purpose


I realize that living with compassion and purpose is a "god-like" quality that I may never master. But it has always remained a goal of mine. A desire.

I am amazed by people I meet that are constant on their path. I suppose I lack that innate discipline to accomplish the amazing. As always, my intentions are amazing.. but we all know.. "The path to hell is paved with good intentions."

This lenten season I hope to embark on a different journey. One that will soften my heart a little. That might require a strong meat tenderizer. Then I need a bevy of construction workers to break down that wall I have built up around me. Perhaps this journey will remove the pieces, brick by brick, day by day.

Damn it. I try really hard. I do. But I fail daily.

I spent the morning looking for the perfect books to help me through this process. Right now, I am reading Mother Teresa's Prescription by Paul A. Wright, MD. It is a book about finding peace and happiness through service to others. The whole point of Mother Teresa's life was to live according to Matthew Chapter 25.. "You shall enter the Kingdom of Glory because when I was hungry, you fed me; when I was naked, you clothed me; when I was thirsty, you gave me drink; when I was sick, you tended to me." ... Then... " Jesus said whatever you do for the least of my brothers and sisters - you did it to me."

Another book I picked up, that I hope to read and complete on Ash Wednesday is a workbook by Beth Moore called: "Living Beyond Yourself." - it is about exploring the fruit of the spirit.
I have to tell you the truth - I have no idea what that means. Silly? Nope. I hear Protestants using the term "Fruit of the Spirit" often, and well - I assume I should know what that is. On the back of the book, it says - You can know the freedom of a life filled with the fruit of the Spirit.

Sounds good to me.

Now, I don't want you to think I am an idiot. Of course, I get the basic idea of what it is. BUT - how does it apply to MY LIFE?

If you have been reading, you know I openly discuss my struggles for joy. Perhaps it is chemically impossible for me to feel joy and TRUE zeal and happiness. But I know peace is lurking and calling me. I just HAVE to find it. I will try anything to feel that sense of peace. I am constantly being pulled in different directions. Afraid of making the wrong decision - I sit, stagnate.

I realize I am probably less stagnate than many people I know. But also remember, I hold very high expectations for myself. I know I am capable of many things. I will not settle for mediocre Nicole. I want to go above and beyond. I need to feel as if I have a purpose.

I found the love I wanted. I have the basic skills I desire. I am not afraid of new ideas. I am open to change. I am mobile. I am on a quest... and as the blog title says.. my destination is unknown.

With that, I will close. I hope to pull myself out of whatever funk I find myself in.

God willing... it is possible.

Friday, February 12, 2010

Best Romantic Films for Valentine's Day!

I am making a list of my all-time favorite Romantic movies. with Valentine's Day around the corner - I love to be inspired by love!! :-)

Enjoy!!


My ALL TIME FAVORITE:












































And finally...

Using Lent for Good!


I have been thinking about how can I use the Lenten Season to better my life.

I know this is what it is used for, the whole purification process, but I really want to TRULY take it seriously.

I always try to do my best. But for the past 36 years I have failed miserably.

This year is unique. Ash Wednesday takes place the day after my 37th birthday. My thought is, why don't I turn my 37th year into THE year of my life.

Why not? What do I have to lose? Nothing.

Taking Lent to the whole new level - here is my plan. God willing (insha allah... one of my five arabic words.. lol) I will make progress and create healthier habits.

I know.. I know... I always say this. But I really WANT to make this happen.

1. I am giving up Facebook. Yes, 40 days - no posts, no peeking. I am even shutting down my comment option. I do not want 500 comments to read when I return. What I will do - is spend more time studying the bible OR other items I SHOULD be doing.

2. I am giving up all fried food. ALL. That's hard. But necessary.

3. I will find another volunteer opportunity and truly push myself to help the under served.

4. I plan to go to confession.

5. I will recite at least one decade of the rosary each day.

That's pretty intensive for me.

Now let's talk about my 37th year - in general.

I want to do a few things:
1. Head back into the gym for at least 30 minutes 5 days a week.
2. Learn the basic alphabet of Arabic, and basic words.
3. Take a photography class
4. Learn to sew.
5. Learn to knit.

Simple. But what I want to do.

Okay... that's all I have for today. Recreation - here I come!

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Unite! Blog! Human rights for Iran! // Bloggers Unite

Unite! Blog! Human rights for Iran! // Bloggers Unite

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Is the sun really shining?


Could it be? Is the sun really trying to come out?

While the rest of the eastern half of the United States is buried in snow - in the deep south, I see LOTS OF SUNSHINE.

The ironic thing with this, the sun will be blazing, but the temps will be coooool as a cucumber.

I think we need the sun. The winter blues have set in - and it's sincerely not my thing.


Looks like I have a long weekend ahead. Purposely planned by MOI. I have decided to take tomorrow off. With being sick, stress, and lots o work - it was time to take one day to run lots of errands. I know that does not sound like a great day off, but it is a necessary evil, and truly I need a full day for.
Back to the weather thing - I can definitely tell spring is around the corner, because for two days I have what can only be called CONGESTION. Oh yes, that means the flowers are a bloomin'!

I have been looking outside at the trees, and no - I do not see any buds, but I can tell something must be floating around. It happens the same time every year. Nice little allergy situation.

Speaking of the same time every year - it is actually time for my Mid-year review. This time last year, I was at a critical point, unaware that the bottom would fall out without the miracle I needed to keep my job. I am prepared this year, and praying I can make more miracles happen before the end of our fiscal year - which is June 30. Oh sweet media impressions... where art thou?
The egyptian is on an upswing. Yep. He got a job! He will be the most over qualified grocery store worker in all of Birmingham. But the important thing is, he has a job. Degrees or no degrees - tri-lingual or not - certified teacher in numerous countries - does not matter. As an immigrant you have to work 5 times as hard as the next guy, just to prove you are worthy. His time will come... it will.

I was debating whether or not to stop volunteering at church with the youth group. I honestly have "prayed" about it - except, I bet my prayers are a little different than the average religious person. My prayer was more like: Hey God.. I am just tired. Not sure if I am needed. Could you give me a sign?
Sooo.. I get to youth group and proceed to sit and have deep conversations with sooo many of the kids. None of the other youth leaders seem to do that. I may not "lead" as many activities, but I do make a connection with the kids. Perhaps I should stick around. Isn't that what it is all about? OOh.. I don't know.

Big birthday looming. No plans. :-( I refuse to plan my own birthday party - AGAIN. I always have to plan my own. Forget it. If people want to celebrate with me, they know where to call. ;-)

I have babbled long enough. I actually have a draft of a blog based on an issue. But I was waaay to tired to finish the research. It was on feminism. I promise, it is coming soon. Just waaaay too many items to read through.
Many blessings!

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

I need a wake up.


Adulthood can numb you.
Seriously. Work, Marriage, Children, Finances - it's all just too much most days.
I now understand the aging process. Heck, how could you stay young with mounting bills, increasing responsibilities at work, and the pressure to always seem happy and beautiful.
I am lucky to not have to throw in the children component. I get a little break there. But at the same time, that leaves me with an aging concern - what happens when I am unable to care for myself? What legacy (child) did I leave behind to take care of me?
I know it all seems morbid, but my father's birthday - which is today - has brought this out in me. It seems odd, but with some information I received this week, I began to question the future.
This past weekend, my mother informed me that my father has an enlarged heart and possibly two blocked arteries. :-$
After talking with my father, he informed me he will return to the doc when he has more money. WHAT???????
I am blown away. If anyone knows anything about an enlarged heart - you realize that congestive heart failure is a major concern. DEATH.
Now, let's play the horrible game of WHAT IF?? Everyone hates when I do this - but it is part of who I am.
What if - my father gets worse (highly probable) and then, God forbid - does not make it to his next birthday.
1. My father will be greatly missed. I will be lost, hurt, angry, sad.. etc.
2. My mother does not make enough money to take care of herself.
3. My sister is unemployed and has a child - and they both live with my family.
HOW CAN I SUPPORT EVERYONE?
Fast forward... 20, 30 years. Natural process, mom is gone. God willing, things will work out for my sister and she will be able to provide a comfortable life for herself and my niece.
Fast forward, my twilight years - WHO IS GOING TO CARE FOR ME?
Morbid, morbid. I know.
I guess with all of the health issues this year with myself and my family - Stress on finances and work - I am just morbid.
I just need something that will shoot a large dose of joy directly into my veins.
I cannot seem to find it. I seem more sad than happy most days. ODD. This is sooo not my style.
I have got to pull myself out of this funk.
I need to FEEL something joyful.

Monday, February 8, 2010

Just another normal Monday


Good morning! Ha!
It's Monday, and I cannot think of one thing that is good about it. Maybe the fact that I am awake and alive. Hmm.. that'll work. God must have something in store for me today. Apparently I have not fulfilled my purpose.
Okay, I will settle for that.
I am TIRED.
I thought this whole CPAP thing was supposed to make me feel refreshed. I just feel tired. Also, my nose is sore from wearing the face mask.
I have so much "catch up" work to do today. SOOOO much.
I guess this post is going to be a vent session. I woke up kind of in a bad mood. Not feeling fabulous. I need a few more days off from this whole thing. This thing is called responsibility.
I have also made a conscious decision to get back on the health kick today. I have to. I think that makes me mad also. I hate HAVING to do anything. I would much rather choose to do something. But the truth is, if I plan to live a long life - I should truly try to get it together (health wise.)
I hope to write something with more substance later. But all I can think about is the fact that I have to unload a very packed car with all of the Go Red For Women items, I have to stop by a few places and pick up the extra signs. I have a few meetings, many emails to return, library drop off - *sigh*.. and I am sure when I return home - the egyptian will have demands.
I am tired.
Oh yeah - one more thing - I am stationed in the lower level of our office building. Surrounded by two women who have chosen to talk about me. Fun yeah?? Luckily, their opinion means very little to me - but I tend to not "fake" nice very well.
I guess I need to find some happy pills and get a move on it.
Boooo....

Sunday, February 7, 2010

What is LENT??




Next week, starting on February 17th, many Christians will embark on a 40 day journey in order to prepare for Easter.


The traditional purpose of Lent is the preparation of the believer — through prayer, penitence, almsgiving and self-denial — for the annual commemoration during Holy Week of the Death and Resurrection of Jesus, which recalls the events linked to the Passion of Christ and culminates in Easter, the celebration of the Resurrection of Jesus Christ.


Lent was also traditionally the term used to describe the period leading up to Christmas before the term of advent was officially recognized.
Conventionally it is described as being forty days long, though different denominations calculate the forty days differently. The forty days represent the time that, according to the Bible, Jesus spent in the wilderness before the beginning of his public ministry, where he endured temptation by Satan.


According to Wikipedia - This practice was virtually universal in Christendom until the Protestant Reformation. Some Protestant churches do not observe Lent, but many, such as Lutherans, Methodists, and Anglicans do.


In Western Christianity, Lent begins on Ash Wednesday and concludes at the Ninth Hour of Holy Thursday (44 days in the Catholic Church) or on Holy Saturday. The six Sundays in Lent are not counted among the forty days because each Sunday represents a "mini-Easter", a celebration of Jesus' victory over sin and death.


There are traditionally forty days in Lent which are marked by fasting, both from foods and festivities, and by other acts of penance. The three traditional practices to be taken up with renewed vigour during Lent are prayer (justice towards God), fasting (justice towards self), and almsgiving (justice towards neighbour).


Today, some people give up a vice of theirs, add something that will bring them closer to God, and often give the time or money spent doing that to charitable purposes or organizations.


In many liturgical Christian denominations, Good Friday, Holy Saturday and Easter Sunday form the Easter Triduum.


In the Roman Catholic Mass, Lutheran Divine Service, and Anglican Eucharist, the Gloria in Excelsis Deo is not sung during the Lenten season, disappearing on Ash Wednesday and not returning until the moment of the Resurrection during the Easter Vigil. On major feast days, the Gloria in Excelsis Deo is recited, but this in no way diminishes the penitential character of the season; it simply reflects the joyful character of the Mass of the day in question.


It is also used in the Mass of the Lord's Supper. Likewise, the Alleluia is not sung during Lent; it is replaced before the Gospel reading by a seasonal acclamation. In the pre-1970 form of the Roman Rite omission of the Alleluia begins with Septuagesima.


During the lenten season, some Catholic Churches remove the holy water at the entrances of their churches. Instead of water, stones are place in.


The last two weeks of Lent are known as Passiontide. It begins on the Fifth Sunday in Lent, which in the 1962 edition of the Roman Missal is called the First Sunday in Passiontide and in earlier editions Passion Sunday.


All statues (and in England paintings as well) in the church were traditionally veiled in violet, and according to the rubrics should continue to be so. This was seen to be in accordance with the Gospel of that Sunday (John 8:46-59), in which Jesus “hid himself” from the people. The veils were removed at the singing of the Gloria during the Easter Vigil.


Following Vatican II, and in the Reformed Kalendar of 1970, the name Passiontide was formally dropped, although the last two weeks are markedly different from the rest of the season. The tradition of veiling images is left to the decision of a country's conference of bishops.

There are several holy days within the season of Lent.
Ash Wednesday is the first day of Lent in Western Christianity.


The fourth Lenten Sunday, which marks the halfway point between Ash Wednesday and Easter, is sometimes referred to as Laetare Sunday, particularly by Roman Catholics.


The fifth Lenten Sunday, also known as Passion Sunday (however, that term is also applied to Palm Sunday) marks the beginning of Passiontide.


The sixth Lenten Sunday, commonly called Palm Sunday, marks the beginning of Holy Week, the final week of Lent immediately preceding Easter.


Wednesday of Holy Week is known as Spy Wednesday to commemorate the days on which Judas spied on Jesus in the garden of Gethsemane before betraying him.


Thursday is known as Maundy Thursday, or Holy Thursday, and is a day Christians commemorate the Last Supper shared by Christ with his disciples.


Good Friday follows the next day, on which Christians remember His crucifixion and burial.


In the Roman Catholic Church, the Easter Triduum is a three-day event that begins with the entrance hymn of the Mass of the Lord's Supper. After this Holy Thursday evening celebration, the consecrated hosts are taken from the altar solemnly to a place of reposition where the faithful are invited to worship the holy Body of Christ.


On the next day the liturgical commemoration of the Passion of Jesus Christ is celebrated at 3 p.m., unless a later time is chosen due to work schedules. This service consists of readings from the Scriptures especially John the Evangelist's account of the Passion of Jesus, followed by prayers, adoration of the cross of Jesus, and a communion service at which the hosts consecrated at the evening Mass of the day before are distributed.


The Easter Vigil during the night between Holy Saturday afternoon and Easter Sunday morning starts with the blessing of a fire and a special candle and with readings from Scripture associated with baptism, then the Gloria in Excelsis Deo is sung, water is blessed, baptism and confirmation of adults may take place, and the people are invited to renew the promises of their own baptism, and finally Mass is celebrated in the usual way from the Preparation of the Gifts onwards.


Holy Week and the season of Lent, depending on denomination and local custom, end with Easter Vigil at sundown on Holy Saturday or on the morning of Easter Sunday.


It is custom for some churches to hold sunrise services which include open air celebrations in some places.


In the Roman Catholic, Lutheran, and many Anglican churches, the priest's vestments are violet during the season of Lent. On the fourth Sunday in Lent, rose-coloured vestments may be worn in lieu of violet. In some Anglican churches, a type of unbleached linen or muslin known as Lenten array is used during the first three weeks of Lent, and crimson during Passiontide. On holy days, the colour proper to the day is worn.


Saturday, February 6, 2010

Broken Hearts - Unbeatable Spirits


Today was grueling. Painful. Exciting. Eye opening.

Through out my life, I have been blessed with one gift - just one - people will talk to me.

What I mean by that, and I say this with absolute humility, people tell me their story. Even the most secretive people in the world, eventually tell me their inner most secrets. I am not sure why - they just do.

Today, was no different. Granted I was asking for their stories, but to see the emotion and honestly was beyond moving.

Today was the National Casting Call for the Go Red For Women movement. As the Communications Director, I got to interview the participants.

This was not the first year I got to do this. This was our second casting call - but this one felt different. I don't know if it is because of all of the things I have been going through with my health this year, or if it is the fact I got some really bad news yesterday about my dad's health - but today was hard.

I spoke with close to 30 women (and 2 children) who in some shape or form has been changed MONUMENTALLY by heart disease. Majority of the women are in their early 40s. Early 40s.
I am just 3 years away from 40 - so their stories really spoke to me.

Many of these women either experienced a heart attack, two of them have post partum cardio myopathy... just a wide range of issues. Strong women, young women - it was just too much.

Just last night, my mom mentions (very flippantly), "Did you hear? Your father found out he has an enlarged heart and two blockages. He says he will go back to the doc in a month."

WHAT????

As if this is the flu or a random rash??

Today I spoke with a woman with an enlarged heart - and guess what? She is on a 5 pill cocktail to extend her life... just a little while more.

WHAT???????

I guess the mix of the stories I heard, the tears I witnessed, then my health - NOW my father's heart health is too much to handle. Too.. too.. much.

It is my passion to get people to join this trek with me to improve their risk factors.
Hell -most days I am doing a piss-poor job of it (food wise) - but damn it - I am trying... when I can.

My heart my be broken (figuratively.. and well.. looks like for real.) But my spirit - my spirit is unbeatable.

I could not share my journey today, because I work for AHA. But I can assure you, my heart health is NOT where it should be.

I have concern. I am terrified. And now - I will have to stand by (from afar) and watch as other's just shrug off their issues.

Damn it.

Friday, February 5, 2010

My childhood favorites!


This evening, Yasser and I spent a considerable amount of time at Party City, gathering items for the Casting Call for tomorrow morning for Go Red For Women.

While there, Yasser's eyes lit up! He saw so many little "toys" he said he remembered from his childhood. We kind of laughed and looked at the various "sweets." He kept asking did I know "Jelly Cola." I had no idea what he was talking about. Then I saw some "gummy items" - and he shrieks - That's It!!! I looked over and saw him pointing to little gummy coca cola bottles.

*giggle*

Well, tonight it got me thinking. What makes me excited as a child? There were definitely little toys. There were definitely songs - movies - tv shows.

I decided to turn to trusty You tube and share with you a few "tv" items I could find that remind me of my childhood.

If turning 13 - makes you a teenager - then my childhood was from 1973 - 1985.

Enjoy!

























































That's about all for now!!

Thursday, February 4, 2010

How I plan to Go RED for Women


Tomorrow is National Wear Red Day! I plan to Go Red - do you?
If you have been following my blog, you know I have several risk factors for cardiovascular disease. High Blood Pressure, High Cholesterol, elevated triglycerides, sleep apnea, Glucose Intolerance, obesity, and genetic risk factors. Oh yeah - and I am a woman.
I am approaching 37. Life is not exactly slowing down. So - I have to do something about it.
Tomorrow is one day - just one day - that we educate ourselves about our body. We draw awareness to this cause.
So - what am I going to do? Well, a little more than the average person - but I encourage each of you to do something.
For one, I will wear red. I have a pretty red shirt, and black skirt and heels. I think that is appropriate. Plus, I own a beautiful, sparkly red dress pin. I will add that. I will encourage women to "Join the Movement" - and I will attempt to make a difference in my life and other people I know.
This year we will Speak Up to Save Lives.
Good idea.

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Last night to sleep like a normal person.


This is how I sleep now. However, I am probably not smiling, nor am I quite so sound. Luckily for pictures, you can't hear someone snoring.

Well, this is the last time, as far I can tell, that I will ever sleep like this.

It kind of makes me sad, but I know that the changes I am about to make are for the very best.

I am supposed to sleep longer, breathe better, and sleep more deeply with my new situation.

Yes, friends - tomorrow at 1pm I will pick up my CPAP machine from the Lakeshore Sleep Clinic.

Booooo.

What is a CPAP machine? Continuous Positive airway pressure (CPAP) is a method of respiratory ventilation used primarily in the treatment of sleep apnea,.
A (CPAP) machine was initially used mainly by patients for the treatment of sleep apnea at home, but now is in widespread use across intensive care units as a form of ventilation.

Obstructive sleep apnea occurs when the upper airway becomes narrow as the muscles relax naturally during sleep. This reduces oxygen in the blood and causes arousal from sleep.

The CPAP machine stops this phenomenon by delivering a stream of compressed air via a hose to a nasal pillow, nose mask or full-face mask, splinting the airway (keeping it open under air pressure) so that unobstructed breathing becomes possible, reducing and/or preventing apneas and hypopneas.
It is important to understand, however, that it is the air pressure, and not the movement of the air, that prevents the apneas. When the machine is turned on, but prior to the mask being placed on the head, a flow of air comes through the mask. After the mask is placed on the head, it is sealed to the face and the air stops flowing. At this point, it is only the air pressure that accomplishes the desired result. This has the additional benefit of reducing or eliminating the extremely loud snoring that sometimes accompanies sleep apnea.
Here is what my mask and apparatus will look like:




Here's hoping I can adjust. Here's hoping my blood pressure returns to normal. Here's hoping - and who knows, maybe sleeping will finally become my favorite activity! :-)

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Am I getting old? Or am I just fabulous for my age?

When I was a little girl, I could never imagine myself as an adult.



Sure, I had dreams of what I wanted to "be" when I grew up. I even had a little 5 to 10 year plan spelled out completely in my "Who's Who" book from my senior year in high school.



But never for the life of me could I visualize what I would look like or what my surroundings would be. I could never fathom children or a husband. I just could not see it.



Here I am - approaching 37. Dear God in heaven, many thanks for the birthdays, but I must admit - it all looks different from what I though my mid to late thirties would look like.



Now before my older friends scoff my concern, please think back to when you were 36. Remember how it felt for the next birthday? 36 - ahh.. not too old "sounding." But 37, hell - nothing sounds good after that. 38? 39? 40?



I was watching tv the other day and a medicare commercial came on. I rarely pay attention to those, because in my mind, it does not apply to me. Then I heard the announcer ask the question, "If you are 50 and on medicare." I thought, nope - no where near it. Then I did the math. Oh math - my least favorite subject. 13 years. I will be 50 in 13 years.



13 years seems like a decent amount of time. Then I thought about one of my closest friend's age - she is 25. She is 12 years younger than me. My husband is 8 years younger than me. When I am 50 - he will be 42, that's just 5 years away for me.



Holy crap.



I hate math.



So does this make me middle aged? Seriously - is it possible?



I decided to look up the actual definition of what middle age is in Wikipedia.

According to my favorite source for all things search -able, this is what I found:

Middle age is the period of life beyond young adulthood but before the onset of old age. Various attempts have been made to define this age, which is around the third quarter of the average life span of human beings.



Does this mean I only have one more 1/4 in me after the next 13 years or so????


According to Collins Dictionary, this is "... usually considered to occur approximately between the ages of 40 and 60".


The OED gives a similar definition but with a later start point "... the period between youth and old age, about 45 to 60".

Then folks, this is what threw me over the age - being a census year and all - here is what the US Census says:


The US Census lists middle age as including both the age categories 35 to 44 and 45 to 54, while prominent social scientist, Erik Erikson, sees it ending a little later and defines middle adulthood as between 40 and 65.


WHAT?????????????????? There it was 35 - 44. Holy Moly!


I immediately ran to the mirror to see if this was even possible!!! The last photo I took was about one month ago- and it was in the car with the bright light on my face and girls - you KNOW how the bright light will show all your flaws. And let me tell you, this pic is a CLOSE UP.


So I took a close look. Yep, I see lines near the eyes and on the forehead. Hmm.. heck, I know for a fact I color my hair every 6 weeks.

Thinking of these little obvious items, and others I care not to share - here is what I found out is a sign that you are "middle aged" :

Middle-aged adults often show visible signs of aging such as loss of skin elasticity and graying of the hair. (check, double check.)

Physical fitness usually wanes, with a 5–10 kg (10-20 lb) accumulation of body fat, reduction in aerobic performance and a decrease in maximal heart rate. (I wish it were only 20 pounds - can we add about 30 more to that???)

Strength and flexibility also decrease throughout middle age. (I am probably more stronger now - and my flexibility is still the same.)

However, people age at different rates and there can be significant differences between individuals of the same age.

Both male and female fertility declines with advancing age. (have no idea on this one! Had a hysterectomy at 30 - who knows!!??)

Advanced maternal age increases the risk of a child being born with some disorders such as Down syndrome. (Good, I don't have to ever worry about that.)

Advanced paternal age sharply increases the risk of miscarriage and many birth defects, including Down syndrome, schizophrenia, autism, decreased intellectual capacity, and bipolar disorder. (That's a warning to all young girls - don't marry older men! lol)

Most women go through menopause, which ends natural fertility, in their late 40s or 50s.

Rates of infertility among men also increase significantly with age, with an abrupt decline in fertility after age 45. (Wow - that's younger than I thought!)

This then got me thinking about a mid-life crisis. Should I expect one? If not - can I use it as an excuse to act crazy?? I decided to research that also.

Apparently a midlife crisis is a term coined in 1965 by Elliott Jaques and used in Western societies to describe a period of dramatic self-doubt that is felt by some individuals in the "middle years" or Middle age of life, as a result of sensing the passing of their own youth and the imminence of their old age. (Okay, I understand that.)

Sometimes, transitions experienced in these years, such as extramarital affairs, andropause, menopause, the death of parents and resultant loss, or children leaving home, can trigger such a crisis. (Nope.. I can say no to all of the above. Well - I am on my second marriage. Hmm.. )

The result may be a desire to make significant changes in core aspects of day to day life or situation, such as in career, Work-life balance, marriage, romantic relationships, or losing a job. (work-life, yep - marriage (some definite changes! :-) )

Academic research since the 1980s rejects the notion of midlife crisis as a phase that most adults go through. In one study, fewer than 10% of people in the United States had psychological crises due to their age or ageing.

Personality type and a history of psychological crisis are believed to predispose some people to this "traditional" midlife crisis. People going through this suffer a variety of symptoms and exhibit a disparate range of behaviors.

Many middle aged adults experience major life events that can cause a period of psychological stress or depression, such as the death of a loved one, or a career setback. However, those events could have happened earlier or later in life, making them a "crisis," but not necessarily a midlife one. In the same study, 15% of middle-aged adults experienced this type of midlife turmoil.

Some studies indicate that some cultures may be more sensitive to this phenomenon than others, one study found that there is little evidence that people undergo midlife crises in Japanese and Indian cultures, raising the question of whether a midlife crises is mainly a cultural construct. The authors hypothesized that the "culture of youth" in Western societies accounts for the popularity of the midlife crisis concept there.

Researchers have found that midlife is often a time for reflection and reassessment, but this is not always accompanied by the psychological upheaval popularly associated with "midlife crisis."

So what happens????? And what is the comparison between men & women????

For the approximately 10% of middle aged adults who go through an age-related midlife crisis, the condition is most common ranging from the ages of 30-60 (a large study in the 1990s found that the average age at onset of a self-described midlife crisis was 46). Midlife crises last about 3–10 years in men and 2–5 years in women.

Individuals experiencing a mid-life crisis have some of these feelings:
-search of an undefined dream or goal (yep... )
-a deep sense of remorse for goals not accomplished (a little.. not DEEP)
-desire to achieve a feeling of youthfulness (I DO feel young)
-need to spend more time alone or with certain peers (*Definitely)

They exhibit some of these behaviors:
-abuse of alcohol (Nope)
-acquisition of unusual or expensive items such as motorbikes, boats, clothing, sports cars, jewelry, gadgets, tattoos, piercings, etc. (I wish!! HA HA - I work in non profit. lol)
-depression (not so much)
-blaming themselves or their partner for their failures. (Sure, that's normal - right??)
-paying special attention to physical appearance such as covering baldness, wearing "younger" designer clothes etc. (I've always done that. Plus, that would mean at 16 I was having a crisis. LOL)
-entering relationships with younger people (either/or sexual, professional, etc.) (Ummm.. er.. my husband is a cute little 28 year old from the Mediterranean. Ummm..)
-placing over-importance (and possibly a psychologically damaging amount) on their children to excel in areas such as sports, arts or academics. (No kiddos - woo hoo!)

Although mid-life crisis has lately received more attention in popular culture than serious research, there are some theoretical constructs supporting the notion.

Jungian theory holds that midlife is key to individuation, a process of self-actualization and self-awareness that contains many potential paradoxes. ( Oh yeah.. I am ALL about being self-aware.)

Although Carl Jung did not describe midlife crisis per se, the midlife integration of thinking, sensation, feeling, and intuition that he describes could, it seems, lead to confusion about one's life to date and one's goals. Later, Erik Erikson held that in life's seventh stage, middle adulthood, people struggle to find new meaning and purpose to their lives; their questioning, he believed, could lead to what we now call a midlife crisis.


Some psychologists believe men's midlife crisis is a psychological reaction to the imminent menopause and end of reproductive career of their spouses. Their genes may be influencing men to be more attracted to reproductive women, and less attached to their non-reproductive spouses. (biology.. I get it.)

So - with the 3-7 birthday coming up, I have come to the conclusion that:

1. Depending on which definition you look at, I could be about 2 years into middle age.

2. That I am exhibiting a few psychological symptoms.

3. I am DEFINITELY experiencing some physical symptoms.

4. I am completely full of sh*t and need to find a new subject to research tomorrow.

Night Night! ;-)

I love this man.

This guy in the picture is the love of my life.
Truly.

I am sooo in love with him.

When we first met - he was my absolute best friend. We would talk for hours. Days. Months. We could not get enough of each other.

Then we spent some time in Egypt together, visiting with his family, friends - got engaged - it was a fantastic time. The most amazing vacation I have ever experienced in my life.

Then we began - what one could only see as - the most stressful journey a couple could go through. Immigration. Paperwork, lots of money, and tons of hurry up and wait. All we wanted was to be together.

More late night calls, this time sad. Chatting - but a little less. Questions. Pain. A feeling of hopelessness.

Then finally, after a series of mini-crisis events, he got his VISA to move to the states. It was rush rush - no time for him to say goodbye to family and friends. No time to cherish these bitter sweet moments. No time for me to "officially" prepare.

Visa one day - flight the next. Then the swish and rush of planning a quick wedding. (Due to immigration.)

Then comes the adjustment period. He's really organized, I am a little less. He gets homesick. I am technically home. He can't work legally for almost 8 months. I am supporting him. His culture has expectations for women. I am a very independent woman.

Yes, we knew these things. But it does not make it any easier.

So - my little bubble I created for myself was busted. I had to LET someone else in, and let them turn this into their home. It made me very uncomfortable. VERY. I like my way - and no other way. I bitched and complained to friends. That made him mad.

We were verbally attacking each other. Which caused tension. Continue the homesickness and the lack of a job and $$ for him.

He withdrew into himself.

Friends.. get this... FRIENDS told me to leave him. Can you believe it?

Yes - he was driving me crazy. Yes living with him can be stressful. But at the end of the day - we love each other.

THAT'S what love and marriage is about. Good times AND bad. Sickness AND health. For richer AND for poorer.

Now that he has his green card and is moving forward, I see glimpses of my old friend. We laugh, we tease, we love. Yes - he shuts down from time to time. Yes, he says he wants to go home (more often than not.)

Then when things look up - I see what we can be together. It's hard. No one ever said it would be easy.

To the people who ENCOURAGE me to give up the fight - I say to you - I have found the love I looked for any entire life. Yes, there have been a few emotional months, but there are years where the love was flowing. He and I are trying to understand each other. And as a strong, controlling person - I probably understand him better than anyone else. Because my friends, I am the same. ;-)

My song for my egyptian:

Thursday, January 28, 2010

Viral Meningitus

I am sick.

Viral meningitis.

Need rest.

So - I am going to rest.

I will return soon.

SOOOOOOOOO sick.

I decided to cut and paste what meningitis is:

Viral meningitis refers to meningitis caused by a viral infection. It is sometimes referred to as "aseptic meningitis" in contrast to meningitis caused by bacteria.

That's all I have in me.

Sorry.

Until next time..

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Pick, Pick, Pick



Different cultures find different body shapes attractive.
I, thank God, had a good figure (by American standards) when I was a teen ager and in my early 20s. Crucial years.


Now - I am your typical 30-something carrying extra luggage around the middle, the bottom, and everywhere else in between.


I have started heading back to the gym. My LEAST favorite place to be. Walking in place for 30 minutes is BORING. Riding a stationary bike is BORING. The elliptical machine makes me feel like a gazelle running through the forest.
Weights feel butch.


I hate the gym.
I do, however, love taking dance classes. However, dance classes don't come cheap. No where - never have. I was thrilled last year to be able to take my Flamenco dance classes. But it was NOT cheap. I started to take salsa classes at another dance studio - again, very expensive.


I would prefer to fill up my days with dance classes. I would happily attend an hour to two hours a night - dancing. But my wallet will not allow it.
But I digress.


I know the weight I need to be in order to be "healthy." It's fairly low - between 105 - 125. I am short. When I weighed that much I was between a size 2, 5, or 7.
Let's just say, it's been a while since I was any of those sizes. When I started college I was a size 5. When I graduated, I was a size 10. The weight jumped up in 5 years.

Now I have been out of high school for almost 20 years. And my weight has climbed, yet again.

I will take a moment and say one thing - I do not think that I am unattractive. No, I am not going to sit here and have a pity party. However, I know my body is not what many would deem attractive - or fit. My husband finds me beautiful. I asked him specifically - what do you think is beautiful about me? He laughed and teased me about the things I hate about myself. But then he answered me most seriously, "Your eyes. I love your blue eyes. When you are old, and wrinkled, and everything - those eyes will be the same." He also said he loved the color of my skin. He likes fair, porcelain skin. Of course he loves my mind, and my heart - etc. But I tried to make him stick to the physical.
But what does it mean to find someone physical attractive? The actual definition is: Physical attractiveness is the perception of the physical traits of an individual human person as aesthetically pleasing or beautiful, and can include various implications such as sexual attractiveness and physique.

Soo... what is considered physically attractive is dependent on three factors: universal perceptions common to all human cultures, cultural and social aspects and individual subjective preferences.


Despite universally held perceptions of beauty in both sexes, males tend to place significantly higher value on physical appearance in a partner than women do. Heck - no need to go into great explanation of this one, but there is a reason. This can be explained by evolutionary psychology as a consequence of ancestral humans who selected partners based on secondary sexual characteristics, as well as general indicators of fitness (for example, symmetrical features.)
Studies have shown that ovulating heterosexual women and gay men prefer faces with masculine traits associated with increased testosterone, such as heavy brows, wide jaws, and broad cheekbones.

Women who are in the late luteal or early follicular phases of the menstrual cycle (or those taking hormonal contraception) do not prefer masculine male faces. Isn't that fascinating???

Also, females tend to prefer different facial traits in short-term and long-term partners, and sociocultural factors, such as self-perceived attractiveness, status in a relationship and degree of gender-conformity.
Now - back to the men! Features such as a symmetrical face, full lips, and low waist-hip ratio are commonly considered physically attractive.
According to one source : The determinants of female physical attractiveness include those aspects that display health and fitness for reproduction and sustenance. These include correlates of fertility such as youth, waist-hip ratio, breast size, breast symmetry, body mass proportion and facial symmetry.

In a study by University of Louisville psychologist Michael Cunningham, dimensions and proportions of what was regarded as attractive emerged with remarkable consistency. The ideal attractive female face featured "eye width that is three-tenths the width of the face at the eyes' level; chin length, one-fifth the height of the face; distance from the center of the eye to the bottom of the eyebrow, one-tenth the height of the face; the height of the visible eyeball, one-fourteenth the height of the face; the width of the pupil, one-fourteenth the distance between the cheekbones; and the total area for the nose, less than 5 percent of the area of the face."

Desired traits were large female eyes, small chin and nose, and these "infantlike features draw out in them the same caretaking response a baby would–they make a woman seem cute and adorable."

Further, high wide cheekbones and narrow cheeks are "signs that a woman has reached puberty" and "high eyebrows, dilated pupils and wide smile" signal excitement and sociability. One psychologist speculated there were two opposing principles of female beauty: prettiness and rarity. So average, symmetrical features is one ideal, while unusual, stand-out features is another.
The Body Mass Index (BMI) is another important universal determinant to the perception of beauty. The BMI refers to the proportion of the body mass to the body structure.


However, the optimal body proportion is interpreted differently in various cultures. The Western ideal considers a slim and slender body mass as optimal while many historic cultures consider an embonpoint or plump body-mass as appealing.

Men do not appear to have evolved to hold a particular build as more attractive, but rather to be drawn to whichever build associates with social status.

In the United States, women overestimate men's preferences for thinness in a mate. In one study, American women were asked to choose what their ideal build was and what they thought the build most attractive to men was. Women chose slimmer than average figures for both choices, though when American men were independently asked to choose the female build most attractive to them, they (the men) chose figures of average build, indicating that women may be misled as to how thin men prefer women to be.


Some speculate that thinness as a beauty standard is one way in which women judge each other. A reporter asked: "Why do women suffer to look like skeletons even when men don’t want them to?" and wondered whether "women's aesthetic judgments are so influenced by other women."

The reporter surmised that thinness is prized among women as a "sign of independence, strength and achievement." Some blame the fashion industry from pushing an "unnatural thinness" with "waiflike models who paraded down the catwalk" and that these unattainable and dangerous examples of slimness could be harmful to young, impressionable women.

There is speculation that some beauty standards for thinness are harmful to women since they encourage extreme dieting; in one instance, a Ralph Lauren advertisement of a model was digitally altered to make her hips appear thinner than her head, and the distorted image caused controversy about whether the thin-beauty standard was false and harmful.

In his foreword to Peter Frost's 2005 Fair Women, Dark Men, University of Washington sociologist Pierre L. van den Berghe writes: "Although virtually all cultures express a marked preference for fair female skin, even those with little or no exposure to European imperialism, and even those whose members are heavily pigmented, many are indifferent to male pigmentation or even prefer men to be darker."

A consequence of this is that, since higher-ranking men get to marry the more attractive women, the upper classes of a society generally tend to develop a lighter complexion than the lower classes by sexual selection (see also Fisherian runaway).

In eastern parts of Asia, including Southeast Asia, a preference for lighter skin remains prevalent. In East Asia in particular, fair skin is associated with beauty and youth, since skin darkens with exposure to the sun and aging. This conflation of youth and beauty is not exclusive to East Asia, and can be linked to the phenomenon of neoteny. Thus, skin whitening cosmetic products are popular in East Asia.

A preference for fair skin however is not a recent development, and in China, for example, can be traced back to ancient drawings depicting women and goddesses with fair skin tones. While in Malaysia, up to 48% of Malaysian women use skin whitening product. Some Asian women, trying to conform to a Western beauty standard, have plastic surgery known as blepharoplasty to alter their eyelids to make their eyes "appear fuller, less slanted, more Western."

A reporter found plastic surgery was booming in South Korea as a result and wrote "Korea’s standard for beauty is this: the more Western you look, the better."

The perception of beauty can be influenced by racial stereotypes about skin color; the African American journalist Jill Nelson wrote that "to be both prettiest and black was impossible"and elaborated:

"As a girl and young woman, hair, body, and color were society's trinity in determining female beauty and identity, the cultural and value-laden gang of three that formed the boundaries and determined the extent of women's visibility, influence, and importance. For the most part, they still are. We learn as girls that in ways both subtle and obvious, personal and political, our value as females is largely determined by how we look. As we enter womanhood, the pervasive power of this trinity is demonstrated again and again in how we are treated by the men we meet, the men we work for, the men who wield power, how we treat each other and, most of all, ourselves. For black women, the domination of physical aspects of beauty in women's definition and value render us invisible, partially erased, or obsessed, sometimes for a lifetime, since most of us lack the major talismans of Western beauty. Black women find themselves involved in a lifelong effort to self-define in a culture that provides them no positive reflection."
Back to the body shape - what types of shapes are there??
Female shapes

Apple (triangle downward)
Apple shaped women have broader shoulders and bust, and narrower hips. Apple shaped women have (much) higher androgen levels compared to women with other body types.
Because of this high androgen level, the skeleton develops in a masculine pattern. Fat is mainly distributed in the chest, face and abdomen.

Banana or straight (rectangular)
The waist measurement is less than 9 inches smaller than the hips or bust measurement. The body has a relatively high androgen level compared to the estrogen level, and this causes the skeleton to develop in a more masculine pattern and body fat to be distributed predominantly in the abdomen, buttocks, chest and face.

Pear or spoon or bell (triangle upward)
The hip measurement is greater than the bust measurement.

The distribution of fat varies, with fat tending to deposit first in the buttocks, hips and thighs. As body fat percentage increases, an increasing proportion of body fat is distributed around the waist and upper abdomen.


Hourglass shape (triangles opposing, facing in)
The hip and bust are almost of equal size with a narrow waist.
Body fat distribution tends to be around both the upper body and lower body. This body type enlarges the arms, chest, hips and rear before other parts, including waist and upper abdomen.
A study of over 6,000 women carried out by researchers at the North Carolina State University around 2005 found that 46% were banana (rectangular), just over 20% pear, just under 14% apple, and 8% hourglass. Another study has found "that the average woman's waistline had expanded by six inches since the 1950s" and that today women are taller and have bigger busts and hips than those of the 1950s.
Again, what is considered beautiful? What is best for me? My guess is - I will stick to the insides. I will make sure my cholesterol is low. I will try to lower my blood pressure. I want my muscles to be strong enough to burn calories when resting. I want to be able to move my joints without pain. I want healthy teeth and a beautiful smile. I want my eyes to remain bright and blue. I will always cleanse, exfoliate, and moisturize my skin. I will try to get a better night's sleep. I will eat plenty of fruits and veggies to get my vitamins. I will drink plenty of water in order to stay hydrated.

More importantly, I need to work on my inner soul. :-)



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