How Not To Fly By The Seat Of Your Pants

For the most part, I am a fly by the seat of your pants type of girl when it comes to my daily routine. I have this random, swirling list of things to do just floating around in my head. When one pops into my thoughts, I make a point to stop and take care it. Luckily, I have a phenomenal memory, however, there are a few items that slip through the cracks...

Because...

I am easily distracted 

When I was a young girl, I went to summer camp in Lizella. It was a Girl Scout camp called Camp Martha Johnston. One of the things that I think the camp did really well was schedule out our entire day- down to when I could break and brush my teeth. I actually got things done and was less anxious because I knew what was coming next.

Now, when I actually take the time to schedule out my day, I discover the same thing: I am much less anxious and able to accomplish more. However, those days are few and far between, because there is the whole distraction thing I have to deal with. You see, when you don't have kids, or a husband, and you happen to be your own boss - life becomes a buffet of options. I typically will choose the things I want to do, then when I can't put it off anymore, I do the things I have to do. Of course, I always get things done .... it is just that I could cause myself a lot less stress and anxiety if I actually had a schedule of sorts.

Earlier this week I joined a gym and Weight Watcher. Meals and exercise have to be scheduled in order to meet my goal - a goal I chose to set for myself. I want to get healthy, and I am so incredibly tired of chasing this goal half-ass. I made a point to commit to it, and I am doing wonderfully. I've exercised three nights in a row and I have stuck to the diet and in one week (and it is only Thursday,) I have already lost 3 pounds. The plan is working. Now how do I apply that to the other things I want to do?

For example, I bought the entire series of Rosetta Stone in French. I have always wanted to speak it fluently. Why have I not scheduled French lessons for myself? I have all of the tools. I have the time. 

I want to do more writing... for me.. not for pay. Why I have I not carved out a little time to pursue this?

I wanted to concentrate on my photography, I want to explore new recipes, and I want to include meditation and devotions into my daily routine. What is the hold up? 

The answer to that is me. 

I did a little search on how to better focus your time and here are some tips I plan to incorporate, and maybe you can too!

Tips For Scheduling Your Time

1. Make a list of things you need to accomplish. For the week - for the month - for the day. Make sure to prioritize your plan. 

2. Balance your effort.  Work on small portions every day that would like to see done by the end of the week, starting with the most important tasks first.

3. Find time for your hobbies by bringing them to work. Think about all of the breaks you take during a typical work day. Between coffee runs, your lunch break, and 5-10 minute productivity boosting work breaks, you probably have about two hours of time that you could more wisely. If your hobby is portable, bring it to work and devote 10-15 minutes of break time to it every day.

4. Find time for your hobbies by making them work double duty. There are only 24 hours in a day, so sometimes the best way to make time for your hobbies is to fit hobbies into activities you’re already committed to.

5. Finally, just put them on your calendar. Treat them as sacred time. Block out 1-2 times a week and reserve those times for your hobbies. Be strict about keeping to your commitment.

Wishing each of you the best of luck! It's only mid-late January, we can still tackle those goals!!

If you could do it again

My favorite word as a kid was "dream." I loved the idea that "if you can dream it... you can do it."  I blame my mother for this starry/wanderlust sort of upbringing. As kids, we were always encouraged to decide on our own what we wanted to do with our lives.. then do it. I was never told that I had to go to college; but I did.

Why? Because I decided I wanted to be a journalist. I was probably 12 when I made this decision. I was a theater kid, (not the weird/gothy/emoish theater kid, but a theater kid all the same.) I was smart enough to realize that if I wanted to make my dreams come true, I needed a solid plan. I loved writing book reports and I loved researching just about anything that struck my fancy. 

As I was watching the news one day, I saw Tina Hicks deliver the news. I knew at 12 that this was what I wanted to do. I wanted to read, write, and tell people what they needed to know. To me, it was a lot like performing, but even better! The next year, I remember walking through the grocery store and I found a book on getting a job in Broadcast Journalism. I showed my mom and she purchased it for me. I read it cover to cover and made a plan.

Later I studied Broadcast journalism in college - never once changing my major. I worked for my school's newspaper, I was a radio DJ for two years, and I worked as the executive producer for our college television station, (by then I knew I wanted to control the newscast versus be a puppet.) I graduated on a Saturday, started an internship on a Monday, finished that internship on a Friday three months later, and started a job as a television news producer the following Monday. We were the #1 CBS affiliate in the nation. One of the programs I produced won a Gabby Award and I won an Associated Press award for Best Public Affairs Reporting. It was fun. It was exciting. 

Then I transitioned into Public Relations/Media Relations/Promotions. I've been there ever since. 

But if I could do it again, or if I had the chance to change some things up, just what would interest me?

1. I LOVE photography. I'll be the first to admit that I don't know half of what my camera does. But I like taking pictures, and sometimes those pictures look really, really good. If I could have, I would have applied to SCAD and entered a photography Masters and became a travel photographer.

2. I am fascinated by psychology. I often think I should have become a therapist. I even subscribe to psychology today. The human mind is absolutely fascinating.

3. Became a litigator. If there is one thing I can do, I can argue. ;-) I love debate. I have this uncanny ability to think very quickly and take anything anyone says and throw it back in a way that sort of wins the debate. Would have been sport for me. Law school is just too tedious and expensive.

4. Peace Corps. I was just a week or so away from sending in my formal application when I got the job I have now. I figure this is still something on the horizon. If I find myself without a job or in need of a transition - this is the next move for sure.

If you could do it all over, what would you do?

Inspiration in Blogland

One of the strongest women I have ever read about is Harriet Tubman. She was an abolitionist, a spy for the Union, and she escaped slavery. She went on to help hundreds of slaves escape their captors through a series of tunnels known as the underground railroad. Amazing woman. All of the odds were stacked against her, and yet she prevailed and changed the lives of so many people.

She once said, "Every great dream begins with a dreamer. Always remember, you have within you the strength, the patience, and the passion to reach for the stars to change the world."

My dreams have been put on hold. Or so I thought.

I have been letting my circumstances hinder my ability to fly. Here I am, with the perfect opportunity to go out on a limb and change my course, and yet all I am doing is putting myself down with negative talk. It's not the egyptian arguing with me. It's not my family telling me I can't do it. It's not my friends. No one is saying I cannot do something brilliant. Sure, the situation is less than ideal - but this time my friends, it's me.

I come here everyday to scan the blogs. Looking for personal stories mainly. (I tend to open your posts if they seem to have a good message.) Yes, unfortunately, I tend to judge a post based on it's title.

That aside, there are three people who are consistently inspiring me to go after whatever it is God intends for me to do.

For example, when I woke up, I had no idea what to write about. I am literally sitting here in my white cotton pajamas (with little hot pink snow flakes on them,) wrapped in my snuggie and drinking my Dunkin Donuts coffee with the gingerbread creamer. I scanned and found Leslie at Words of Me Project and her post hit home. She said something in her post that just resonated with me:

Of not following through with my heart made plans.

I have this whisper
then this grand idea
and do bit here and thereBut then I just stop.

I don't follow through
I understood Leslie perfectly.
Then she took the words right out of my mouth:

I compare myself to everyone.
And when they may have success at something
then I am certain that they
just took my dream away
and I get angry and sad
and I just want to say WHY can't MY dreams come true
 
But that's just the thing - I used to be the person that would always be soooo happy for people who were able to go on and do amazing things. It always gave me hope.
 
Since the episode of the Soul Snatchers (if you are new here, read past posts to understand who THEY are,) my hope supply has slowly been depleting. My passion has fizzled.
 
Sure, I am pumped up about the Peace Corps - but that is in the future. It takes a long time to even possibly get picked. (Long time as in 1 year to even 18 months.)
 
I am talking about long term happiness and purpose. Post 27 months in some random village somewhere. I am talking about the here and now.
 
I have a few friends that it seems things are falling into place. I say seems, because they are sharing the good stuff. I am so proud of them, and I am so jealous of their success. Not in a bad way, I would NEVER, EVER be like that. But in a "I wish I had something to offer the world" sort of way.
 
Then, on the flip side, I DO have something to offer the world, but I just need to narrow it down, and I don't mean I need some stupid Cosmo quiz to help me figure it out, or some "What Color is My Parachute?" book to guide me on my God-Given quest.
 
Last night, I opened up the book again. You remember the one? The Artist's Way. Just to tap into some creative energy. That book almost echoed Leslie's voice - it said, "Don't wait to have enough money, or enough time, or the right moments... just go for it."
 
Some of the suggestions they presented in the first chapter was to start with your morning pages. I think I will get a notebook and do that. I know I write here first thing in the morning, but there are things I might feel more comfortable writing in a private notebook, without getting any backlash from this middle Georgia peanut gallery. (Oh yeah.. some people have been scouring my blog looking for some little nuggets to start drama. I don't play those games.)
 
For whatever reason, my creative censor is pushing back on this notebook. I read, that's just my inner insecurities pushing through. So, okay - I'll do it.
 
Second they suggest I take an Artist's Date. Just go somewhere and be inspired. Done. Will take care of that this weekend.
 
Finally, for this first week, I need to create a Monster Hall of Fame - people who stifled my creativity, plus I need to create a Champions of Inspiration - people who encourage me.
 
My intention is to do this. Though, like Leslie said above, there is the whisper, and the urge, and I even start on a path - following through is a completely different story.
 
Hold me accountable? Okay?
 
I need to follow Thoreau's advice, " Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined."
 
Finally - to my friends and family - here is what I need to say to you:
 
"I have spread my dreams beneath your feet. Tread softly because you tread on my dreams."~ W.B. Yeats
 

Laura Rowe Photography

Refined

Polished - that's how I am beginning to feel.
 ;-)  I had a really big disappointment,  and one answer left to go. But by the sound of crickets, I am beginning to lose hope on that one also.

Moving on.

If all I have is the possibility of something completely different, for waaaaaaaaay less money and clout, then so be it. I suppose I should concentrate on something I want to do. REALLY want to do....


Like....

Write.

Okay. Now what? I need a plan. Perhaps I was meant to just write for me. Not for a corporation or a news services, maybe just sharing my ideas.

But how does that work... and how do I get started?

I am also interested in Photography. Perhaps I could develop that more. Maybe my dear friend, Laura, will allow me to "apprentice" with her - and she could teach me a thing or two. I could build a portfolio and move the hell on.

Or.... I could FINALLY take that Life Coaching certification class I have always been fascinated with. (I know, yeah right... what is this LOSER going to do with THAT?!) But that's just it! I could learn everything I need to know, in order to strategize MY life, and in turn, share that with others. Maybe through my blog - OR WRITING - or whatever. In the meantime...

Make some money and pay some bills.

Okay.. okay.. kind of like the starving artist thing. I GOT IT.

See? Resilience strikes again. Not to mention, this is what a person with too many thoughts does when she is bored and wide awake - I think and I write. I write, while I think. It's a dangerous combination. Good thing I don't drink anymore. You guys would be in for one hell of a ride!

Okay... now.. now...

I need to check out some books from the library, figure out what's next, and just accept the fact that health insurance and a decent income is a thing of the past. Fine.

It was good while it lasted.

It's just math, right?

Strange

Soooo... I had a really bizarre dream last night. It was so vivid and DEFINITELY perceived to be in color.
It was one of those recurring dreams, but this time, there was nothing scary about "The House."

Oh, wait..you don't know about The House. I will explain later.

I am not sure why we were at The House. 1/2 of the dream I thought it was ours (as in my family's) and the other 1/2 it belonged to different people at different times of the dream. That was not the important part, not to mention it seemed perfectly normal. BTW - the whole scene happened during "Christmas" or so the decor int he house tells me.

What strikes me as odd - is the fact that my sister was a little girl again. I would guestimate around 8 or 9. She and I were guests in this HUGE amazing mansion, as well as our family. It was evening, and everyone was going to bed. She and I climb the numerous stairs to the second floor. We pick two rooms side by side, but she wants me to come into her room and read her a story.

Then suddenly, her room has a wall covered in crucifixes, and beautiful candles everywhere. Then appears the egyptian. He makes the comment, "These are really beautiful crosses." Which floored me, because - I did not think he liked crosses.

Then he vanished. But it did not concern me. I remember looking through a window and seeing the perfect "girls room" ~ all white and fluffy and beautiful. I thought to myself, "Why did I not pick that room. It looks perfect and not at all scary."

The reason my "dream me" thought this is because I knew I had been to the house several times. In The House, there is always one room that terrifies me, and I am afraid to open the door or pass by it. THIS time, I was not afraid.

Suddenly, I decide to open the door to the room, and it changes. It is now a game room, with all of my (maternal side) relatives playing a board game or creating a train set (it kept changing.) Wilhena (my great aunt and God Mother) asked me, "Would you two like to join us." I replied, "No - we are about to read a story." Looking back, what was bizarre about that room, is that everyone was younger. I saw my cousin Jeffery, and his sister, Julie (who is now deceased) and tons of others - but it was the younger version of themselves.

I head back to the room, and Heather (my sister) changes from young to her current age. But that did not matter...

Suddenly the door opens and in comes my Great Grandmother - Granny. She looked the way she always looked before she got frail. She pulled a chair up and told us girls to lay down and let her read a story, of course we climbed into the bed.

Suddenly, my mom opens the door and asked what we are doing. My Granny told her all was fine, she was with Heather and I and not to worry.

Then Granny climbs onto the bed, and has tears in her eyes. She is laying on her side and says, "I really loved life. Then .. well.. you know, I died and left you." I looked at her and said, "I know Granny, don't be sad. You died.. it's death...it happens." (or something to that effect.)

My sister seemed confused and did not understand. I hugged Granny and she started crying, then disappeared.

My sister and I decided to go explore The House, which has numerous floors and tons of rooms. (I will write about The House another day.)

Then I woke up  at 5:30am.

Bizarre.

Had any weird dreams lately?

Gradual warmth.. Gradual Success

Here's the problem with living in the south. February - Hot. April - Cold. Seriously?

Today the high will be 64. Tomorrow 75. Sunday 86.

Pick a season.

Another things that drives us crazy down here - when you wake up, it is 40 degrees. By noon, maybe the mid 60s and by 5pm, a solid 78. Only to drop right back down.

For a girl with a problem deciding what to wear, this has become a major issue. I always enjoy the colors of spring. But the temperature changes, I always seem to forget about those.

So here I am, at work 30 minutes early, all settled in at my desk. I have my 12oz latte with no fat milk, and I ate my super (low WW point) breakfast thingy and I am trying to get in a pleasent mood.

It's not easy.

I have a little devotional book I read each morning. It is not a religious one, more of a "journey" one. The author speaks to the very core of what this blog was even about in the first place. The book (which I have owned for probably 10 years) is "Journey to the Heart" by Melody Beattie. I believe I wrote a post about this book once, a long time ago.

As I was sitting here, feeling "blocked" - I decided to read my meditation/devotion of the day. It is soooo dead on, I want to share with you a few pieces. See if this speaks to your heart.

The title was - Learn To Clear Your Path. Whoa. Just that alone almost stopped me in my tracks. But Melody goes on to share a story about a woman who was trying to get pregnant and shared all of her obstacles. Though that bit did not speak to me, I did understand the desire to have life a certain way. I struggle with that daily. Here is how she wrapped it up:

There are often roadblocks on our path. Roadblocks, barricades, detours. Things to go over, around, or under. Sometimes, the roadblocks are telling us no, this door isn't opening. Find another way. Other times the roadblacks are telling us that the road we have chosen is very special. If we want to go down it, we will have to try. We will have to focuse. We will have to muster our energy and show the world how badly we want it. We will have to overcome each and every obstacle, one by one, as they appear.

She went on to ask a few questions - What do you want badly? Are you willing to go through an obstacle course, if need be, to achieve it? Are you willing to be tested by the universe? Are you will to focuse, push forward, got the distance?

I thought about these questions and my answer is - Yes, I want something very badly. I want a successful, happy marriage with my egyptian. Yes, I am trudging through an obstacle course, and yes - I have been tested.

I also want to excell in my field at work. I want to be healthier and I want to make some changes in my personal life. Yes, yes and yes.

Sometimes, the road ahead is blocked, but clearing the way becomes part of our journey. Learn to tell when it is time to let go, to surrender, to search for another road, a different path, another dream. But also learn to tell when it's time to move forward, through obstacles if need be, because the dream is electric, charged by Divine energy and love.

Mongoose

Humor is perhaps a sense of intellectual perspective: an awareness that some things are really important, others not; and that the two kinds are most oddly jumbled in everyday affairs. ~Christopher Morley



It's 6am. I am sitting on my couch, drinking my cafe au lait (I have to say that - because there seems to be more lait than cafe) - and I was contemplating what to write about.

Mongoose.

Why in God's name, at six in the morning would a mongoose enter my mind? But my friends, that's how my mind works.

To be perfectly honest, I was not sure what a mongoose looked like. Was not sure where in the world they live, what their behavior is like, etc.

That picture makes me want to laugh. Then again - it kind of freaks me out.

Apparently there are 33 species of mongoose (who knew?) and they live mainly in Africa. So, why in the world did I think of freaking mongoose. Sometimes I like to think it is my mind's way (or the divine) trying to tell me something. hahahhaa. Maybe the mongoose has tendencies or behavior I need to be aware of. Or maybe.. I am just freaking insane.

Turns out, they eat insects, crabs, earthworms, lizards, snakes, chickens, and rodents. (Eww) The Indian Mongoose and others are popularly used to fight and kill venomous snakes, including vipers. They can do this because of their agility and cunning, their thick coat, and mutations in their acetylcholine receptors which render them resistant or immune to snake venoms.

My favorite factoid about the Mongoose is the fact that it releases this high pitched sound, apparently it sounds like giggling, when it mates. How hilarious is that? They say that the giggling is also heard when they are "courting" a mate.

THEN it suddenly hit me.. one of my absolute FAVORITE stories as a child was Riki-Tiki-Tavi by Ridyard Kipling. Do you remember that one? It was about a pet mongoose that saves its human family from two deadly cobras. Of course I like the mongoose!

Maybe the whole point was to bring me to a gift I should buy my niece, the book - Riki-Tiki-Tavi.. so that she, too, can have some random 6am mongoose thought at the age of 37.

EWWW - Scary Dreams..

Last night I slept loooong and hard. This time - I actually remember my dream. It involved - VAMPIRES.

Okay - I LOVE Vampires.. but this was weird and semi-scary.

I only have 10 minutes before I have to leave for work - but I just had to share and write down the details SOMEWHERE.

So here is what I remember:

I was at the HUGE hotel that has (it seems) hundreds of floors and maze like hallways. The elevators are always without lights inside and rarely work. But the hotel is always super nice other than that. (I dream of this hotel often.)

This time I was dating a vampire. (It had to be some Twilight influence, b/c my "boyfriend" was Edward. Don't laugh.)

However, there were some evil forces in the hotel killing people. Vampires.. we did not know. Several times I barely escaped from being killed - and finally ran into the hallway outside of a room. My friend Crystal and I were going to sleep on a palette on the floor - when we saw orange eyes glowing.. I told her we HAVE to get in the room or we would be eaten alive! We dashed inside - and there were all of our friends and family hiding out.

Edward returns.. but he "seems" different. He asked could he "refuel" by drinking my blood - but I could tell he actually wanted to kill me.. then the alarm went off.

Granted there were waaaay more crazy twists and turns - but that is what I remember vividly.

I woke up a little frightened. Thru out the dream I felt like I could not trust Edward, and was afraid he would "turn on me." I felt safe amongst my family and friends in that room. Not when he came in..

WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?

Interesting...
What did YOU dream about last night?

I wonder what would have happened?

I wonder..

1. If my dad did not throw that party at his house in 1972 - would he have ever met my mother?

2. If my parents had kept their home on Lake Tobo, I would have attended a different high school - who would be my friends now?

3. If had stayed taking ballet classes from Karen at Modern Dance Academy, would I have continued to dance throughout my adult years?

4. If my grandfather was able to afford a different hospital (versus the VA) would he still be alive today?

5. If I had stayed working in television instead of moving into public relations - where would I be living right now?

6. If I had not gotten a job in tv right after my internship, would I have gone to Europe to teach english or joined the Peace Corps?

7. If I had not given Chris my email that night at the bar - would we have ever spoken again and would we have ever dated and gotten married?

8. If I had not hosted all of those exchange students - would I have even stayed with my ex as long as I did?

9. If I had not chosen to follow my ex to Birmingham, where would I be now?

10. If I had not gotten sick and had surgery, would the egyptian and I be expecting our first child now?

11. If I had not taken a chance and flew to Egypt - would I be married now?

12. If I had not thrown my 32nd birthday party and let my ex invite a friend, would my sister have met her ex and had Autumn?

13. If I had not tracked down my old friend, Wendy, from TX to attend my first wedding - would she have ever reconnected with her first love, get married and had her little angel?

14. Would she ever have to feel the pain of losing a child.. if I had not gotten in touch with her?

15. Would I be in the shape I yearn for - if I had just stuck with the Mediterranean Diet back in October and the personal trainer this past spring?

I could go on for hours..

Share with me 3 of your "what ifs.."

Hopes & Dreams - Baby!

WHOA - wait a minute. Don't let the punctuation or word fool you - there is NO baby, nor will there ever be one. Questions? See this for clarification.

What I was referring to (and not so well...) was what I am hoping for in the next 3 months and what my silly little dreams may or may not contain. I threw in the word baby for effect. Did it work?

Okay.. maybe not.. but now you can at least say - OH. And if you read the link above.. you might add a more quiet and drawn out - oooh.

Moving on.

I feel completely pumped about the upcoming months. Yes, yes - September is looming. For clarification on the hell September brings please take a moment and look here and here and here.

But rest assured.. I am not scared. September kicked my ass last year. No doubt about it. It is when everything in my life started rolling down hill. The egyptian and I hit a massive roadblock by December, tried to pick ourselves up throughout winter - then finally slid into "pent up aggression hell" this past spring/summer. We are somehow making a conscious effort to choose happiness.

Let's face it guys - that first year of living together/marriage is TOUGH. But most of our crap started back in September of 09. And it was the external factors trying to crush our balls that time. ;-)

However - August, Sept, Oct - and the rest of 2010 is looking good! Here's the thing - if items like before hit - that's okay! We have experienced it before and we CAN move forward.

Here is what I am pumped about:

1. Going home the weekend of the 7th. I miss my family and friends and have not seen some since Christmas and others since April.

2. Starting my Zumba and Aqua Aerobic Class at the Y.

3. Getting started on this whole coach surfing thing. Check it out!

4. Finally learning to sew/quilt/knit - something this fall!

5. Buying a new computer. Sims - here I come .. do you miss me?? ;-)

6. Redecorating the homestead.

7. Pumpkin Spice Lattes

8. HALLOWEEN and HAUNTED HOUSES

9. THANKSGIVING

10. THE SMELL OF DEAD LEAVES.

And most important.. wearing the most beautiful jeweled toned clothing and bringing back the sleeves and jackets. Hallelujah!

What about you? What are you looking forward to in the next 3 or 4 months?

Connections

“Strange is our situation here upon earth. Each of us comes for a short visit, not knowing why, yet sometimes seeming to a divine purpose. From the standpoint of daily life, however, there is one thing we do know: That we are here for the sake of others...for the countless unknown souls with whose fate we are connected by a bond of sympathy. Many times a day, I realize how much my outer and inner life is built upon the labors of people, both living and dead, and how earnestly I must exert myself in order to give in return as much as I have received.” ~ Albert Einstein

I am pretty sure that I have written about this before, but maybe more so in a "what draws me to other people" sort of way." Today I want to talk about connections with other people, places and things.

We have all experienced that moment when either:

1. You meet someone that you have an instant "kinship" with.

2. You see something you want to purchase and it is the perfect item you have been looking for.

3. Or you go somewhere and feel such an attraction to a place, and feel as if you have been there before or should remain there forever.

Why do we do that? Is this some type of divine moment? Is the universe trying to tell us something? Is this feeling connected with the whole intuition piece?

I can count 1/2 a dozen times this has happened to me. Places are easy to remember - I feel a "rooted" feeling. I am not sure that is the word I want to use - but extreme calm and almost like.. dare I say it.. a "love" for a place.

I feel that when I return to Savannah. I am in love with that city. You guys know I am not one to want to take root anywhere, but yes - I would move there and stay. I also felt that instantly in Alexandria, Egypt. Weird to say - but I felt like I had been there before.

Now I am going to share a story, and I hope you do not think I am a complete freak for sharing it. But here it goes:

When I was a little girl, I started having these reoccurring dreams. (This is a whole other blog post - but I will focus in on one dream in particular.) I dreamed I was older, and I was walking down a narrow street or alleyway in an old city. It was not America. People had dark hair, and the women (in my mind) looked like gypsies. There were lights strung from building across the street to another building. I could hear music. I could smell (what I thought was incense.) I felt like I was in love.

That's it.

Now fast forward 30 years- I am walking down the street at night in Alexandria with Yasser. We turn a corner and there was the street. I stopped, looked around and realized the "gypsies" I saw were women with hajib. The lights were strung across from Ramadan. The "incense" I smelled was the spices being sold on the street. The Dark haired people were the egyptians. I did not tell him at the time - but I thought to myself.. OH MY GOD.. I have dreamt of this place.

That is a prime example of the connection I felt.

I do the same thing with people. Sometimes, after a very good conversation, you feel such a kinship with someone. Age, race, educational background - none of it matters. There is a genuine "attraction" (not sexual) - but intellectual. I love when I meet people like that.

As for things, I have a few items in my possession that I would never part with (if I can help it.) They feel like an extension of who I am. Now, I am not talking about a tv or some other crap like that - more like my great grandmother's crucifix, which at close inspection is not very beautiful - but when I look at it - I think it is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.

What people, places, things are you connected with?

Reaching for that star!

I'd rather be a could-be if I cannot be an are; because a could-be is a maybe who is reaching for a star. I'd rather be a has-been than a might-have-been, by far; for a might have-been has never been, but a has was once an are.  ~Milton Berle

I still have plans. BIG plans. I figure, at 37, there is still a whole lotta stuff I need to accomplish.

When I am planning anything (and it is something I try really hard not to do too often) I set out on my little fact gathering quest.

Same thing when it comes to work - strategic plans.

It's time to begin the prep for the next decade of my life. I figure I need a three year stumbling pad to work out the kinks.

Here is what I know for certain:

1. I am 37. (okay.. we get that)

2. I am married. (translation - I have to consider someone else)

3. I do not have children. (Nor will I ever.)

4. I have a degree (awesome  - opens a few more doors)

5. I have 15 years experience in my field (good.. good..)

6. I am mobile. I don't own a house.

7. I pick up foreign languages very quickly

8. I have friends and family in several countries: America, Egypt, Brazil, Columbia, Italy, Belgium, France, Moldova, Mexico, Australia, Iraq/Kurdistan, Cambodia, Thailand, Germany, Spain, Indonesia.. (means, if I want to start over somewhere else, I have a support system to do so)

9. I like taking pictures

10. I like writing

Now.. what is it that I REALLY want to do??

I remember back when I was 30, I attended a meditative/life coaching class at a metaphysical bookstore in Macon, Georgia. (Okay, if you don't know me - I am always trying new little adventures to broaden my scope of  the world.)

One of the exercises we had to do was to close our eyes (go thru this whole clearing of the mind thing that I can't remember) and then imagine the life you want.

Now that seems a bit much. Let me explain more.

You had to visualize yourself waking up - what did you room look like? I saw white bedding (which I have since purchased) and lots of windows. There was a beautiful cat laying on my bed - then I went downstairs and poured a cup of coffee, opened my lap top and did my daily morning writing. (Like i do now, sans cat and sans stairs.)

What did my home look like? It was an older townhouse in a downtown historical area.

PS - this is all guided imagery.

What did my day look like? I left for work. I was literally asked to look at what I was wearing. I got this total visual of white button down (flowy) and black cropped pants and cute black ballet flats (very J. Jill)

I walked downtown and with coffee and croissant in hand, spoke to the other shop owners and opened my business. What was my business? It was a photography studio.

People - this was the first time I ever imagined this.

Since then, I have tried this exercise over and over. Once it was a coffee/shop book store. Once it was a restaurant.

But two things always remained the same - I lived in an older townhouse in a historical downtown area. My "business or office" was always in walking distance and was facing a river/water (coastal city is necessary.)

I was surrounded by books, coffee, photography/art. Intelligent, creative types.

Moving forward - what does that mean for me? I am still trying to decide. But it looks promising.

Will it be in my beloved Savannah? Will I be across the big blue ocean in my husband's home town of Alexandria, Egypt? Will I be pushing my way through the crowded streets of Bangkok? Will I be hailing a cab in NYC? Will I be strolling leisurely down a crooked lane in Noli, Italy?

God only knows.

Perhaps I will be driving up to the same office building I am now.

Time will tell.. the Destination? Still Unknown.