I realize that living with compassion and purpose is a "god-like" quality that I may never master. But it has always remained a goal of mine. A desire.
I am amazed by people I meet that are constant on their path. I suppose I lack that innate discipline to accomplish the amazing. As always, my intentions are amazing.. but we all know.. "The path to hell is paved with good intentions."
This lenten season I hope to embark on a different journey. One that will soften my heart a little. That might require a strong meat tenderizer. Then I need a bevy of construction workers to break down that wall I have built up around me. Perhaps this journey will remove the pieces, brick by brick, day by day.
Damn it. I try really hard. I do. But I fail daily.
I spent the morning looking for the perfect books to help me through this process. Right now, I am reading Mother Teresa's Prescription by Paul A. Wright, MD. It is a book about finding peace and happiness through service to others. The whole point of Mother Teresa's life was to live according to Matthew Chapter 25.. "You shall enter the Kingdom of Glory because when I was hungry, you fed me; when I was naked, you clothed me; when I was thirsty, you gave me drink; when I was sick, you tended to me." ... Then... " Jesus said whatever you do for the least of my brothers and sisters - you did it to me."
Another book I picked up, that I hope to read and complete on Ash Wednesday is a workbook by Beth Moore called: "Living Beyond Yourself." - it is about exploring the fruit of the spirit.
I have to tell you the truth - I have no idea what that means. Silly? Nope. I hear Protestants using the term "Fruit of the Spirit" often, and well - I assume I should know what that is. On the back of the book, it says - You can know the freedom of a life filled with the fruit of the Spirit.
Sounds good to me.
Now, I don't want you to think I am an idiot. Of course, I get the basic idea of what it is. BUT - how does it apply to MY LIFE?
If you have been reading, you know I openly discuss my struggles for joy. Perhaps it is chemically impossible for me to feel joy and TRUE zeal and happiness. But I know peace is lurking and calling me. I just HAVE to find it. I will try anything to feel that sense of peace. I am constantly being pulled in different directions. Afraid of making the wrong decision - I sit, stagnate.
I realize I am probably less stagnate than many people I know. But also remember, I hold very high expectations for myself. I know I am capable of many things. I will not settle for mediocre Nicole. I want to go above and beyond. I need to feel as if I have a purpose.
I found the love I wanted. I have the basic skills I desire. I am not afraid of new ideas. I am open to change. I am mobile. I am on a quest... and as the blog title says.. my destination is unknown.
With that, I will close. I hope to pull myself out of whatever funk I find myself in.
God willing... it is possible.
2 comments:
There were many people ashore. So Jesus stepped aboard a boat and taught them. This image is vivid. I see in my mind Jesus on the boat and the crowd on the shore. Obviously Jesus was endowed with a great heart. Nevertheless not every people have a heart like that. It is a question of how each one is made up. You cannot impose yourself to be a compassionate person. Compassion is a feeling and nothing else. To people are watching the same scene of suffering, but one feel compassion the other one not. The essence of the person is different in each one. We are too accustomed to the duality. So we tend to discriminate between things, ideas, morals and so on. We don’t see the human being, the life like a whole, an unity. I think the compassion is a whole as well. It is a feeling. If you have compassion for others, automatically you have compassion for yourself. Jesus says in His Gospel: “ Blessed be the merciful because they will obtain mercy”. In my case I experienced that being merciful toward others meant I become merciful toward myself.
The book I have recently written deepens many religious and philosophical issues. I want to draw it to your attention, as you may be interested in it. The title is “Travels of the Mind” and it is available at http://www.strategicpublishinggroup.com/title/TravelsOfTheMind.html
If you have any questions, I am most willing to offer my views on this topic.
Ettore Grillo
Thank you so much for sharing. I will definitely check this out. Many blessings to you!
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