Putting things in Perspective

This is us one year ago.

Happy to be together. Glad for a large part of the immigration journey to have ended.

It is Memorial Day weekend, and we are supposed to reflect on the service men and women who have given their lives for our safety and freedom.

I found that this very special weekend (both Federal Holiday and American Wedding anniversary) has afforded me the opportunity to unwind, unplug, and rethink. OOh.. that's the biggest one - RETHINK.

Many of you can probably figure out that most days I am on this quest to remove the toxic, bring in the peaceful and say hello to a better tomorrow. I want what everyone else hopes to have one day: Peace of mind, a healthy body, a renewed spirit, a lasting relationship and a sea of excellent adventures. That's shooting for the stars, I know. I also realize it is all about the journey. But what I think I need right now - that probably most of us who are in their late 30s realize - I need peace more than anything.

I find that most days I am so keyed up and stressed, that I can hardly function. No wonder my blood pressure stays through the roof and my heart rate is well over 100. I am just stressed. Not so much that things are going wrong in my life.. no.. that's not it at all. It's more so that I put soooo much stress on myself to "over-achieve." In that - I mean.. well... when it comes to work.

Now some people may read that and laugh. But I DO! I set myself up, claim I can do all of these fabulous things - I feel like I have to do all of these things.. when really.. at the end of the day, I just want to feel like I am making a difference.

I am sooooooo keyed up most of the time - I just find that I get overwhelmed. Oh, and with good reason. I do have a LOT on my plate, and I am responsible for waaay more than I am paid for (I can assure you of that.) I am expected to create Miracles - and that is what I attempt to do on a daily basis.

But that is just it - I am not a Miracle worker. I am human, with flaws. I let myself down when I cannot reach some wild and crazy goal, then I come home - feeling bad. It translates into bitchiness.. and infects my home. My poor husband just wants a wife to love him, and do all of those wifey-things.. but I am busy trying to be a great Communications Guru and a Perfect little wifey and .. folks.. I am just is not hacking it.

I need to bring it all down about 12 notches or so.

I don't know what that means.. or what the next steps are.. or what. I just need to re-focus, and figure this thing out. I need to make a plan. A different one this time. Being on vacation, and unwinding proved to me one thing - I am a completely different person - a better person - when I have peace of mind.

Our year end evaluations are coming up. Never a pleasant thing to experience. Not for anyone, anywhere. Not in this economy. Not with limited media. Not when your goals are seriously higher than you could ever imagine. I never want to fall short. Never. I really do try. But I am one person.

I fear what I have seen so many other former co-workers go through- That "Goodbye, thanks for playing." I know I am being ridiculous, and no I do not expect this to happen to me. I am just trying to put things in perspective.

How many times do we all set such high expectations for ourselves, then end up only really disappointing ourselves? For me - too often.

I wish we were at a place that I could do what is right for me. But the egyptian and I are not. I have to be the "bread winner" for now. I have to put one foot in front of the other. I will continue to do that - and yes, I will knock that ball out of the park. I am just simply admitting that I am tired. I am beat up. I am worn out.

I am strong. But sometimes.. I just want to curl up in a ball. I am a warrior... but sometimes I just want to live in peace.

How many of you have a similar story? How hard was it for you to make those hard decisions? Sometimes we have to sacrifice peace of mind - for a certain level of comfort in more material ways.

*sigh*

I will figure this out.. I always do.

It goes without saying...

Dirge for Two Veterans

                                                 from Leaves of Grass by Walt Whitman (1900)

1

The last sunbeam

Lightly falls from the finish’d Sabbath,

On the pavement here—and there beyond, it is looking,

Down a new-made double grave.

2

Lo! the moon ascending!

Up from the east, the silvery round moon;

Beautiful over the house tops, ghastly phantom moon;

Immense and silent moon.

3

I see a sad procession,

And I hear the sound of coming full-key’d bugles;

All the channels of the city streets they’re flooding,

As with voices and with tears.

4

I hear the great drums pounding,

And the small drums steady whirring;

And every blow of the great convulsive drums,

Strikes me through and through.

5

For the son is brought with the father;

In the foremost ranks of the fierce assault they fell;

Two veterans, son and father, dropt together,

And the double grave awaits them.

6

Now nearer blow the bugles,

And the drums strike more convulsive;

And the day-light o’er the pavement quite has faded,

And the strong dead-march enwraps me.

7

In the eastern sky up-buoying,

The sorrowful vast phantom moves illumin’d;

(’Tis some mother’s large, transparent face,

In heaven brighter growing.)

8

O strong dead-march, you please me!

O moon immense, with your silvery face you soothe me!

O my soldiers twain! O my veterans, passing to burial!

What I have I also give you.

9

The moon gives you light,

And the bugles and the drums give you music;

And my heart, O my soldiers, my veterans,

My heart gives you love.

HAVE A BLESSED MEMORIAL DAY. GOD BLESS AMERICA.

In the end.. there is always Love.

Today is my 1st wedding anniversary (American Style) to my Egyptian. We sealed the deal (officially/legally) in a mosque in Birmingham, Alabama.

When I look back at this wild and crazy year, it is funny to think I was hobbling up to the Hoover Crescent Islamic Center in a "boot" on my right leg, supporting a chronically sprained ankle. ;-)

I think that was a sign of things to come.

It was hard walking in there.. hobbling in. I sat, I accepted, I loved.

I held on. I watched. I learned. I cried. I laughed. I hoped. I dreamed.

In the end - today - there is so much love.

Sure we fight. Sure we laugh. Sure we have plans.

Today?? Was perfect. Absolutely perfect.

We entertained together, and worked as a team. The spirit in the home was positive good. The bad elements of the past and "drama filled" energy was not here.

We traveled somewhere for him to see something he desires.

We went to dinner.

Then we traveled to the cinema and picked a movie I have been wanting to see.

We ended with coffee - together.

Yesterday we saw the movie Sex & The City 2. The critics were waaaay wrong. It was excellent. I truly related to the relationship woes Carrie and Big were exhibiting. Married - no kids - never will .. and learning to lean only on one another. We both talked about it later, and yes - we will have to make our own rules on what our "family" will look like.

Tonight we saw Tyler Perry's "Why Did I Get Married, Too?" Again, we left saying - yes.. I do.. I do.. I do.

Why did I get married? Because I found the man I want to grow old with. I searched 33 years for this man. And I am pleased to say - he is mine, and we are in it for the long haul.

Some days it is touch and go - but in the end..

I am going to use the great words of Dr. Seus. Yes, I realize this is given to graduates.. but my egyptian and I - we have graduated one full year of "official" living together marriage. Yes, we married the Islamic way back in Egypt a few years  before, though we did not live together. We have graduated - and are rebuilding a foundation.

Here are the words for my great egyptian (Oh the places we will go!)

Oh The Places You Will Go
By: Dr. Seus

Congratulations!


Today is your day.

You're off to Great Places!

You're off and away!



You have brains in your head.

You have feet in your shoes.

You can steer yourself

any direction you choose.

You're on your own. And you know what you know.

And YOU are the guy who'll decide where to go.



You'll look up and down streets. Look 'em over with care.

About some you will say, "I don't choose to go there."

With your head full of brains and your shoes full of feet,

you're too smart to go down any not-so-good street.



And you may not find any

you'll want to go down.

In that case, of course,

you'll head straight out of town.



It's opener there

in the wide open air.



Out there things can happen

and frequently do

to people as brainy

and footsy as you.



And then things start to happen,

don't worry. Don't stew.

Just go right along.

You'll start happening too.



OH!

THE PLACES YOU'LL GO!



You'll be on y our way up!

You'll be seeing great sights!

You'll join the high fliers

who soar to high heights.



You won't lag behind, because you'll have the speed.

You'll pass the whole gang and you'll soon take the lead.

Wherever you fly, you'll be best of the best.

Wherever you go, you will top all the rest.



Except when you don't.

Because, sometimes, you won't.



I'm sorry to say so

but, sadly, it's true

that Bang-ups

and Hang-ups

can happen to you.



You can get all hung up

in a prickle-ly perch.

And your gang will fly on.

You'll be left in a Lurch.



You'll come down from the Lurch

with an unpleasant bump.

And the chances are, then,

that you'll be in a Slump.



And when you're in a Slump,

you're not in for much fun.

Un-slumping yourself

is not easily done.



You will come to a place where the streets are not marked.

Some windows are lighted. But mostly they're darked.

A place you could sprain both your elbow and chin!

Do you dare to stay out? Do you dare to go in?

How much can you lose? How much can you win?



And IF you go in, should you turn left or right...

or right-and-three-quarters? Or, maybe, not quite?

Or go around back and sneak in from behind?

Simple it's not, I'm afraid you will find,

for a mind-maker-upper to make up his mind.



You can get so confused

that you'll start in to race

down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace

and grind on for miles cross weirdish wild space,

headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.

The Waiting Place...



...for people just waiting.

Waiting for a train to go

or a bus to come, or a plane to go

or the mail to come, or the rain to go

or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow

or the waiting around for a Yes or No

or waiting for their hair to grow.

Everyone is just waiting.



Waiting for the fish to bite

or waiting for the wind to fly a kite

or waiting around for Friday night

or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake

or a pot to boil, or a Better Break

or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants

or a wig with curls, or Another Chance.

Everyone is just waiting.



NO!

That's not for you!



Somehow you'll escape

all that waiting and staying

You'll find the bright places

where Boom Bands are playing.



With banner flip-flapping,

once more you'll ride high!

Ready for anything under the sky.

Ready because you're that kind of a guy!



Oh, the places you'll go! There is fun to be done!

There are points to be scored. There are games to be won.

And the magical things you can do with that ball

will make you the winning-est winner of all.

Fame! You'll be as famous as famous can be,

with the whole wide world watching you win on TV.



Except when they don't

Because, sometimes they won't.



I'm afraid that some times

you'll play lonely games too.

Games you can't win

'cause you'll play against you.



All Alone!

Whether you like it or not,

Alone will be something

you'll be quite a lot.



And when you're alone, there's a very good chance

you'll meet things that scare you right out of your pants.

There are some, down the road between hither and yon,

that can scare you so much you won't want to go on.



But on you will go

though the weather be foul.

On you will go

though your enemies prowl.

On you will go

though the Hakken-Kraks howl.

Onward up many

a frightening creek,

though your arms may get sore

and your sneakers may leak.



On and on you will hike,

And I know you'll hike far

and face up to your problems

whatever they are.



You'll get mixed up, of course,

as you already know.

You'll get mixed up

with many strange birds as you go.

So be sure when you step.

Step with care and great tact

and remember that Life's

a Great Balancing Act.

Just never foget to be dexterous and deft.

And never mix up your right foot with your left.



And will you succeed?

Yes! You will, indeed!

(98 and 3/4 percent guaranteed.)



KID, YOU'LL MOVE MOUNTAINS!



So...

be your name Buxbaum or Bixby or Bray

or Mordecai Ali Van Allen O'Shea,

You're off the Great Places!

Today is your day!

Your mountain is waiting.

So...get on your way!

Salvia 101

A while back, I saw a segment on Tyra (don't judge) about teen drug use. One of the drugs that came up over and over was Salvia. Honestly, I had never heard of it. (and let me tell you, I knew some people back in the day that did some pretty heavy stuff.)

I decided to do a little research on it - and was shocked. For one - it's legal. You can buy it in any tobacco shop and some package stores.

I am actually surprised this is sold legally. What concerns me (as with anything) - apparently it is quite popular with people in their teens.


For my friends out there that are parents - I think you need to see this. It's interesting, and .. well.. legal. I think educating your self on the latest and greatest is always important.

I found some very useful videos. I hope this opens your eyes.

For adults, since it is legal - my only advice would be - proceed with caution. :-)

Please share your thoughts in the comment section on your concerns or even experience with this herbal hallucinogenic.









http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uYOox4ZyJ8E

Inspired by the Freshman Experience - 1987/1988

After starting my morning off with scanning the Facebook Status updates of friends, I realized that a large majority of the people I know either have children graduating from high school tonight or I actually know some of the kids graduating.

Often times, when people reminisce about their days in high school, it is not usually positive. I have to admit - I loved high school. Heck, I loved college - middle school and elementary. I loved school. No doubt about it.

What was there not to like? You got to put together a super cool outfit each day, go and meet with your friends, and then learn some interesting new stuff.

I was born in 1973. Which means I headed to elementary school in the late 70s. I was in middle school by 86, and my high school freshman year began in August of 1987.

The experience was awesome! I had a great group of friends, met so many new people, and learned more and more about fashion, and music - you know, all of the things a 14 year old needed to know! I fell madly in love for the first time, had my heart broken for the first time. I went on my first date. I got to go to the movies by myself. Went to my first teen dance club... it was all fabulous!

The music, the clothes, things going on in the world - it was all very exciting to me. I embraced being a teenager.

I know I am rambling a bit- but I wanted to share a few items with you. If you were very young (or not even born yet) to really feel what 1987/88 felt like - I thought I would paint the picture for you.

If you are reading this, you are AT LEAST a teenager... more than likely older - but I want you to think about your freshman year in high school. What did people look like? What were people wearing? What were people listening too? Share that with me in the comment section.

I tried to capture some of the "visuals" of my freshman experience.

Enjoy this trip down memory lane!!

The Music I was probably playing in my bedroom:








Speaking of fashion - what were the top trends of 87-88?

Acid-washed jeans and denim jackets became popular with both men and women. Acid washing is the process of chemically bleaching the denim, breaking down the fiber of material and forcing the dye to fade, thus leaving undertones of the original dye evidenced by pale white streaks or spots on the material. This became associated with the heavy metal trend (called "hair metal" in later decades for the large frizzy coiffures worn by both male and female enthusiasts).


Madonna was the "Queen of the 80's" and set several pop trends during the decade.


One popular look for men in the late 1980s was Hawaiian shirts. Often they would be complemented with sport coats with stitched looks. They were often gray and white, and were worn for both casual and business settings. When worn in the business setting, they were often worn without a tie.



Leather jackets popularized by Michael Jackson and films like The Lost Boys were often studded and left undone to create a messier look. Over sized, slouch shouldered faded leather jackets with puffy sleeves from Europe caught on.

Gloves, sometimes fingerless, were fairly common.

Plain brown aviator jackets made a comeback, styled after World War II fighter pilot jackets. Already popular aviators were joined by other forms of sunglasses. It was not unusual for sunglasses or shades as they were known, to be worn at night.


Earrings became a mainstream fashion for male teenagers. Teen culture held that to pierce the left ear was acceptable for a heterosexual male. A right ear piercing indicated homosexuality. Adults who did not understand the fad worried about how this would affect young men's job prospects as they reached adulthood. Ear piercings left a scar even if they closed from disuse.

Ensembles featuring the colors of Africa, green yellow and red, become wildly popular among African Americans mainly named kente cloth. In the urban hip-hop communities however, sneakers usually worn unlaced, tons of gold jewelry and headwraps donned the young of the eighties.



Severely bleached and ripped jeans, either manufactured purposely or done by hand, become a popular fashion trend, being a main component of glam metal music acts such as Poison. Although gay men have often been thought of as trendsetters in the fashion world, elements of gay fashion exploded into the mainstream in the 1980s. The outdoor look, such as the wearing of huge hiking boots, jeans and flannel shirts in the city caught on, drag styles for men and butch styles for women spread into straight society.



Tattooing and piercing also began to enter the mainstream.

There you have it - the who.. what.. where.. and how did it look of my freshman experience. Tell me about yours!!

Inspiration for Vacation

I just began my mini-break vacay about 4 1/2 hours ago. THRILLED beyond belief!!

BUT - the inspiration.. to do WHAT? Can't go far - I still have to drive the egyptian to work. But I want to relax, and enjoy life - all the same.

Tonight I kicked off my vacation-a-rama with my soft, pink pjs, a little queso dip, and the American Idol finale. I was not sure if I wanted to watch it - but when I saw one of my teen heart throbs perform his signature hit just days after suffering a T.I.A. (stroke) - I had to stop and take note. Ahh.. Brett Michaels.. you will always have a place in my heart.

Of course the rest of the days are up in the air. I have Thur, Fr, Sat, Sun, Mon and Tuesday off.

Tomorrow- it would be nice to sleep in. The egyptian does not need to be at work until 3pm, so perhaps we can snooze till noon. I seriously doubt that will happen, but it would be oh soo nice.

I need to get to the library. Perhaps the afternoon will be spent quietly at the library, doing my thing. Nope, I don't have a purpose at the library - I just like to get lost in the stacks.

Friday is pay day - and rent is due - sooo.. I am sure the end of the month bills will be there for the paying. Yeah... yeah.. yeah...

Saturday I am super PUMPED - my dear friend, and old room mate - Keli is coming for a visit. Keli is the one in the middle - and I am the odd ball on the right. (the other two are Telisa and Rob!)

We have a fun Saturday planned out - I actually have to get up very early (6am) to take the egyptian to work. I thought I could head down to Pepper Place (a factory district in Bham) and do a little veggie and fruit shopping. Kells is supposed to arrive around 10 - so that gives me plenty of time to get some healthy snacks for us! We hope to head to the pool - YAY - it opens this weekend, and spend an hour or so.. chillin, catching up, swimming and reading crappy mags.

I promised to take her to YOGURT MOUNTAIN. I don't know if you town has one - search for one. It's AWESOME. We also hope to pop by a "Charming Charlie" - a little girly shopping. We have to pick up the egyptian at 3pm.. perhaps we can relax over dinner.

What I am really excited about is dancing the night away and singing until I lose my voice! We are heading to the Rare Martini to see Erica and the Soulshine Band.


How could we NOT have fun with that??? Plus, for those not in the Birmingham "Know" - The Rare Martini is downtown in the Lake view District and there are strings of bars for fun fun fun. Now.. you guys know.. I have not been able to drink since October. I still can't.. BUT - that does NOT mean I cannot have a good time, right???

Back to the rest of the vacay - I scheduled an appointment I have avoided for a while. A trip to the GYN.

....

Okay.. if you know my history, the ob/gyn always brings bad news. But I finally scheduled - and yes, as of Tuesday morning, I will step back in the saddle - or straps.. or.. yuck.

What are YOU doing this Memorial day weekend???

Summer Happy List

It has been a crazy 48 hours. I need a little reprieve.
I decided to name 20 items/actions/stuff that make me happy and remind the of summer.

With out further ado..

1. Hot Pink Nail Polish. I always bust out the craziest-summery colors in the hotter weather. Especially for my toes. The funkier the better. I HATE feet - but I think, if you have to show them - make them bright and bold!

Plus the pink nail polish is usually the only color I wear on my nails.. well.. except for the basic french manicure look.

2. Lime Cream Slushes. I crave these things. Lime is necessary in the summer time. The vanilla ice cream added to it makes you think you have died and gone to heaven. Seriously.

3.  Floating in a swimming pool. To me this is absolute heaven on earth. You feel free, you are soaking up the warmth of the day.. it's awesome.

4.  Summer Blockbusters. I am particularly excited about Sex & The City 2, Get to the Greek, Eat Pray Love... and a ton of other goodies this year!

5.  Going to the Beach. I know that living in the south, you really do not need to wait to summer to head out to the beach (because our weather is typically bearable all year - but there is something super special about going to the beach each summer.

6.  Amusement Parks. Who doesn't like an exhausting trip to the park? Roller coasters, over priced hot dogs and coke, crappy shows, and tons of screaming kids. Man.. I actually love this stuff!!


Which leads me to...

7. The Lazy River rides at Water Parks - I could spend hours floating alone one of this little pools in an inner tube. Sign me up now for my next trip!!

Which reminds me...

8. Shooting the Hooch in Helen, GA - I typically do this each summer ... at some point. You get an inner tube for ten bucks - ride a bus to the top of the mountain.. and float down the Chattahoochee River.. sometimes (if there is an awesome rain) at break-neck speed. Most of the time, it is slow and easy. You do this over.. and over.. and over..

Which reminds me..

9. Eating home made peach ice cream at Lane Packaging Company in Fort Valley, GA. My mom works with the wife of the owner of this place. Basically, Georgia is known as the peach state - and for good reasons.. we grow the best peaches. Lane Packaging Company grows the best in the state (in my opinion..) people gather here and eat the home made peach ice cream at the actual farm/packaging place. THAT is summer time.

10. Moonlight Cruise on the Savannah River. For about $16 you can take a moonlight ride on an old boat down the Savannah River. There is a bar and DJ.. and well, the rest is summer time history!

11. Fire Works. Anytime.. all the time.

12. Grilled Hot dogs. This is when I crave a hot dog.. almost daily!!

13. Picnics with friends. Is there anything that says summer more than a picnic with friends!!!

14. Putt Putt/Mini Golf - I could play this all day everyday.. well... it comes second to the lazy river. ;-)

15. Snorkeling at Crystal River with the manatee. I have been a couple of times, and this is one AMAZING experience. Manatee wild.. in their habitat.. and respectfully enjoying the water together.

16. Watermelon.. or shall I say - inject into my veins???

17. Fried Stuffed Shrimp at Bernie's on River Street in Savannah - just a little piece of greasy heaven.

18. Coconut Smelling Suntan Oil -
Yes - the original Hawaiian Tropic Suntan Oil.. no I don't wear it, but i LOOOOVE to smell it. Reminds me of the carefree days in the 80s by the pool!

19. Summer Reading - I am not sure why, but I still purchase a stack of books for my summer reading. I guess I got sooo into the habit when I was a kid, it is now a necessity for me.

20. Finally - an excuse to go on a road trip!









What are your top 20? Or just a few items that remind YOU of summertime/happy thoughts?

...

Sooo... does this mean I can get a puppy??

What is RIGHT?

I am just going to put this out there and see what comes back to me.

How much  - is too much information?

Do you know what I mean? Where is the line drawn when it comes to having a confidante versus just plain gossip?

Should you tell your partner/spouse everything?

If so, should you be given the option for "safe grounds"? Licence to vent?

I come from the philosophy that if you keep things bottled up.. you are like Kevin Kline's character in "French Kiss", where Meg Ryan announced in a french cafe.. "Fester Fester Fester.. rot rot rot."

I express - I don't repress. Apparently, that's not a good thing to some people.

Typically, I don't care what others think. I live my life out loud.. but when someone you know says you are not a good person because you may or may not have not-so-good feelings about someone, and you express that - then you are not a loyal, trust worthy person. HUH?

Do you keep your opinions to yourself? What if someone hurts you, and you want to share what that person did to you? By sharing that with a confidante, does that make you an evil- gossipy person. When you share past hurts, or disagreements, etc - does that make you untrustworthy?

These are perplexing questions to me on this Monday morning. Clearly I did not get the memo that I am supposed to smile and pretend life is just one big rose-colored stage for me to perform on.

Today is the Day

I made a promise to myself that I would start this healthier/holistic official change on Sunday. Guess what? It's Sunday.

I have a pulled muscle in my leg (from exercising/stretching) and I have not made it to the grocery store.

Instead of getting frustrated and saying, "Well, tomorrow is another day." I decided I can do what I can with what I have.

To me- living a more healthy/holistic life is going to include both mental as well as physical changes. For one, I decided sometime last week that I need to find way to "unplug." Literally. I need to disconnect from the outside world.. at least for a few hours a day.

So far this year, I let outside influences infest my safe nest with toxic "fake" positivity. Does that make sense? Basically, I always felt an excellent friend has my best interests at heart. I took note, and now I have a better understanding of what that looks like.

My idea is to work on me, without involving a lot of people (in a hands on capacity.) Come up with little projects and hobbies by myself. I think too often as females, we need a pack of us to attempt most things. I need to find that peace in living without so much support. (Is it really support if it causes you grief later???)

There are so many things I want to see and do and try and read and taste and feel. I will try to make a list and see what need to happen to close out the second half of this year.

As for as food, I am heading back to the Mediterranean diet full-force. I dabbled for a while, then it turned into a trickle. Now I want a full fledged gusher. I was only purchasing local, organic fruits and veggies - then I got lazy and went to Walmart and Publix. Time to head back to the earth. It takes more time and money, but in the end - it is sooo worth it.

As for exercise, as soon as my leg heals, I will make a more scheduled plan with the trainer. I want to do the aerobic portion on my own. But use him for the sculpting. I want to commit to two days a week, not three. Not now. I know I need three of weights, but honestly - it is hard for me to commit to anything more than twice a week. For now, it will be better than nothing.

I am also doing a spring cleaning. I am going to get rid of soooo many things. I have already begun the transformation in the bathroom. I have a new curtain, rugs, and some accessories. It is nice to change things from time to time. Now, we want to sell my dining room suit, and replace with something a bit smaller. I am also tossing the leather couch and twin day bed in the sun room. Anyone interested in these items - please let me know now!

I hope with the new commitments, new food, new hobbies, new schedule I will have a better outlook on my days. I hope to see the difference and feel the difference in time.

I am always sooo bad about starting something, and never following through. I want to look at this as a journey... with no end in site. I don't want to set goals. I only want to improve. It's about the quality of life.. not the pounds, anxiety, and material goods shed.

Shame Shame SHAME

Oh dear.. I have been a lazy blogger, TWICE this week. I have two entries that consist of music videos.. celebrating a certain genre.

Dull. Boring. Soooo not my style.

Though I did mix some of those posts with a few really deep, revealing posts.

I guess I am tapped out on the revealing side.

This weekend is quiet, so far. I had a SUPER busy, stressful week.. and I think my brain needs to chill- ax.. if you know what I mean?

There were changes at work, where whole departments were eliminated. BIG proposals and plans to handle at work.

Personally, certain people/places, etc have made an appearance back in my life.

I am trying to really concentrate on making my home a bit more.. hmm.. feng shui (perhaps.) Not literally.. just.. need this to be my sanctuary.

I had some SERIOUSLY odd thoughts recently about religion. Not sure where I am going with that statement. Let's just say, questions abound. It's normal.

Did some serious shopping this week, retail therapy was AWESOME.

My big reveal on the anniversary present for the egyptian??? Well, since i KNOW he does not read my blogs - I had some professional pics taken of me. This was the first time in my 30s. I am dying to see how they turned out. I should receive the proofs very soon. I thought it would be a nice "love" gift.

**please note.. my dirty little minded readers.. I am CLOTHED.
lol

I am back on the healthy kick.. coming up with a plan I hope to share. As you know, since November, I have been experimenting with different options for healthier living. I THINK I have a plan now. One that will work for me.

Looking for some new hobbies. Any suggestions?

Okay. I think you are all caught up now. I promise to write better items later. Just need to unplug the brain for a bit.

Ciao!

Addicted to Dance

Maybe you know this.. maybe you don't.. but I am a HUGE fan of dancing. If given the opportunity, I will go dancing. Heck, I dance in my home everyday just about. lol

So for fun, and since it is Saturday - I thought I would share a collection of my favorite songs to dance to at a club.. or .. alone with your ipod! As always, click on the individual video if you need to see the entire screen. Enjoy!!

Don't forget to tell me what your favorite songs to dance to are!!

























































I could go on for daysssssssssss

C.P.R. - My version

I bet you did not know that CPR week is coming up!? Sure.. sure.. nationally it will be CPR week and yes, I will do my little "shout out" on why it is important.

But as I sit here on my lunch break, trying to figure out what to write about - that stack of CPR stickers laying on my desk are just staring at me.

CPR... Chronic Public Relations. Carcinogenic Public Restrooms.. Crabby Pubic Region..

I don't know. I am lost.

That's what I do before I blog - I look around and see if anything strikes me. Yesterday, I heard a story about Lance Armstrong and the whole "doping" thing (again) - so I thought about the freedom of riding a bike.

Before that I had just applied coconut oil to my hair (as a detangler) and it made me think of the sea.

All the inspiration I have today is right in front of me.

Sooo.. with that in mind.. what do I see? For one- it is RAINiNG  SO BAD. I hear thunder, I don't see anything that even closely resembles a sun, and the sky simply looks as if it is depressed and crying. Well - that's no fun to write about. Then there is the sinfully good Lime-cream Slush I am drinking from Sonic. I needed a little sunshine for my tummy. (My Trainer and Cardiologist are just gonna LOVE that one.)

Then.. I see the stickers... for CPR week. BOOO.

There are sooooo many things I would much rather discuss with you all. But unfortnately (or fortunately.. in most cases) - the readership is GROWING. I kind of have to censor my super private thoughts on the crappy people that surround me. :-(  I know.. I know.. you are not alone in this people. I am actually quite cynical and have experienced a lashing or two (in the past) over sarcastic obeservations of people I know. I swear I did not use names.. but.. well.. apparently my descriptive writing is so visual - they KNEW who I was talking about. BOOOOO.

Speaking of readers - WOWZA. We have 94 through Blog Networks on Facebook, 31 through google, and 151 "fans" on the Facebook page. Awsome! Welcome Welcome Welcome. I never thought more than 20 of my closest friends would ever even bother to read from time to time. If you are a reader, and have not subscribed - please do! I would love to know who is out there.. plus I would love some feedback.

For the regulars - I am soooo happy you stop by from time to time. Please know, I definitely read your blogs and I am enjoying every word! I feel like I know you! :-)

Well .. I guess the love fest can end there. I have to conduct an interview for an intern in about 45 minutes. God willing.. I have a weiner. (Yes, I said weiner.. that's how I say winner. It is habit.)

Have a great day folks.. sorry.. no inspiration today WAS the inspiration for this post.

Summer Songs

The following videos or links always put me in a summer mood!! As always - you may have to click on the individual link to see the video completely!

FREEDOM

There is nothing more refreshing like riding a bike.

The wind blowing your hair, the trees zooming by.. you almost feel as if you are flying.

One of my greatest accomplishments was learning to ride a bike. I never worked so hard on learning one thing in my entire life.

It took me hours.

I need a bike.

I want to take off on that bike and just let the world pass me by.

I bet I could feel the troubles just fall off my shoulders... the faster I go.

FREEDOM.

Coconuts and Salt Water

Back on the whole searching for peace subject...

Some of my most peaceful moments (truly peaceful) have taken place on a beach.

There is something about water that just lowers my blood pressure. I am OBSESSED with water. I love hot baths, I love ice cold water to drink, I love water fountains, ice sculptures.. you name it.

But the sea - ahhh.. the sea, that takes my passion to a whole new level.
I have been very lucky to see at least three bodies of water. The Atlantic Ocean, The Gulf of Mexico and the Meditteranean Sea. Yes.. yes.. there are many more bodies of water I need to see. In particular I am looking forward to seeing the Red Sea and the Pacific Ocean.

I have experienced amazing things by the ocean. When I was a little girl - maybe 10 or so, my family and I would vacation at Jekyll Island in Georgia. The area was called the Golden Isles. 

One summer, I remember sitting in a hidden gazebo that overlooked the ocean. It was early morning, and the sky was pink, the sun slowly rising, the sea gulls swooping down to have their breakfast - and I felt such a peace overcome me. Even at that age - it was powerful. The ocean took my heart then and there.

My first time actually viewing the Atlantic Ocean was at Tybee Island, Georgia. That is a little island attached to the north coast of Georgia, near Savannah. Tybee is your typical, funky beach. The only "moment" I had there was right before my surgury (to make the big C word go away) - I remember sitting there smelling the air, watching the waves and thinking.. if this doesn't work, this could be the last time I am at the sea.

When I was in High School, I took my senior trip to Myrtle Beach, South Carolina. I remember sitting at night on the steps leading down to the beach just listening to the sound of the ocean. Wondering.. what was coming next in my life. College was just a few short months away. I remember praying, just hoping for peace and prosperity. It was on those shores I said goodbye to the care-free teen ager and said hello to a young adult.

Think back to Jekyll Island - some major things happened there. For one, I wished on a star when I was 15. Yes - a shooting star. I have to say, the wish came true.

I also made a HUGE decision on that beach. Whether or not it was the right one, I got the blessing to move on. I decided to marry my first husband. I remember taking a girl's weekend with my friend Mary Therese, and we headed to Jekyll. I sat on that very beach and talked with her about the pros and cons of it all. Then I sent that message back out to the sea - and prayed for my one true love. I later married him.. but..

That takes me to the beaches of St. Augustine, Florida. Flash forward about 7 years. My sadness and need for TRUE love was killing me. My husband was far from being the man for me. I remember sitting in a gazebo with him, talking about how our marriage had fallen apart. I admitted I was not in love with him. He left - went back to the hotel room, and I looked out to the ocean and AGAIN left my heart there pleading with the powers that be. See, I never gave up on the idea of soul mates. Never once in my life. I left my thoughts, my heart, my need right there on the ocean... I walked away with sadness in my heart. But a sort of peace also.

That following summer I spent many weekend in Destin, Florida with a very good friend of mine, Lynn. I found warmth, comfort and smiles on the Guld of Mexico. We flirted with the future. Talked about things to come. We tried our best not to let the worries of home dirty of the perfect white sand beaches. The gulf represents a care-free happiness for me.

I have visited a few other beaches that I left a little "emotion" there. I spent some time in Key West, Florida.
I have to admit, I felt perplexed while visiting the keys. It was beautiful, but I could not "soak it up." I was surrounded by elements that stressed me out.

So - my opinion of Key West and the beautiful waters of both the Atlantic and the Gulf (they meet up there) collided. Perhaps my emotions that were sent out to sea could not meet up. It was conflicting needs, wants, memories. It effected me also.

Highland Beach, Florida left a beautiful taste in my mouth. It was a brief encounter.. but a pleasant one.

I think Highland Beach has more to offer. I remember feeling a sense of peace and falling in love with the area (it's near Boca).. perhaps there are some memories waiting to be made there.

I have partied it up at Panama City Beach, Florida. I think that beach, again on the Gulf of Mexico, is used to having the frivilous spirit released.

The views were spectacular, the trinkets and junk was cheap. The beer was cold and the music loud. Panama City will always carry and interesting place in my heart.

Sure I have visited many places along the way.. I spent two summers vacationing in Jacksonville. I spent a few weeks down in Daytona Beach. I have been to Tampa.. drivin down the coast - A1A (beachfront Avenue.) Been to Miami, Ft Lauderdale, Cape Canaveral. All positive experiences.

I have spent time along the Gulf Coast - Orange Beach, Alabama; Gulf Shores, Alabamal; Biloxi, MS; New Orleans, LA.

But I always return to the dark blue, mysterious deep waters of the Atlantic Ocean.

My last plea to the ocean was in Jekyll Island. The moon was full, and I was sitting in a gazebo over looking the rocky edge of the ocean. The way the moonlight hit the water was one of the most amazing sights I have ever seen. I decided to consult the moon and the water this time. One more wish.

Three months later - I met the egyptian. Straight across the Atlantic. Later, I would travel across that big, blue ocean and visit the land of civilation - Egypt. There I would meet a new body of water - full of hopes, and dreams - the Mediterranean Sea. 

Here, the egyptian asked for my hand in marriage. We "married" the islamic way two blocks from the Meditteranean Sea. My heart was complete. My soul mate was found.

Later, he crossed the deep blue waters of the Atlantic.

Last December, he and I were on the Pier at Tybee Island, overlooking the sea. I explained this was the first place I ever saw the ocean. It was his first time at the Atlantic. He said, "Something about the water scares me." I told him - this is what separated us for so long.

I think it is time I took him to Jekyll. I think this island holds our secrets. ;-)