I have a hole...

I think I am a little "home sick." I don't mean - for the home my parents live in. I mean - my home I lived in, when I left Georgia.

I miss my old life sometimes. Not necessarily some of the characters that played major roles in my life.. or to be specific - one major role. But I miss a lot of the other pieces.

I miss being able to pop over and see my family whenever I wanted.
I hate that I cannot be there to watch my niece grow up.
I hate that my parents are aging... and I am missing some of their "younger of the older years."

I miss my little basketball stand in my driveway.

I miss my "secret garden" where twinkle lights were hung from trees and friends would come over and drink wine with me and talk into the late hours.

I miss my "dance parties" complete with strobe lights, black lights, and colored lights, surround sound and karaoke in my HUGE family room.

I miss my huge paned window that stretched the entire length of the living room. The view was simply magnificent.

I miss my big kitchen.

I miss the chandelier in my dining room.

I miss sitting on the large front porch on a summer night, smelling the jasmine growing and watching lightening bugs.

I miss trotting over to my next door neighbor Cathy's house for coffee and conversation.

I miss arranging for Telisa to meet me at B&N for coffee and conversation. Heck, I miss driving less than 2 miles to get to her house.

I miss hosting exchange students every year. I miss getting their room ready, taking them through the Hay House (again) and hiking around Dauset Trails (again) and driving down that one road near Lake Tobo and admiring (what I thought) was an awesome view of the lake. lol

I miss being able to arrange a quick trip to Savannah - heck, I could leave at 2am and have plenty of time to relax and watch the sunrise on Tybee while consuming a bottle or two of champagne with really great friends.

I miss meeting my favorite people from St. Joseph's Catholic Church on Wednesday and Sunday nights for bible study/mass.

I miss the friday night fish fry parties at the Knights of Columbus Hall.

I miss going to tiny little bars in our small entertainment district. (Which is a total of one or two blocks.)

I miss going to the "First Friday" nights.. which were about as exciting and urban as you could get in a smaller town - and actually running into people I knew.

I miss working in a job that I really, really knew what I was doing. Goals were there - but they were easy. (Lord.. if I knew then, what I know now...)

I miss having my 3 cats and two dogs. Especially my Nanook & Maximus - who have both gone on to heaven.

I miss attending shows at the Grand Opera House and reminiscing fondly on my ballet days and how, yes, I too performed there.

I miss my azalea bushes.

I miss shopping at the tiny metaphyscial shop on Ingleside.

I miss going to Camp Martha Johnston and visiting all of the sites I knew as a child.

I miss the beer battered fries at Rivalrys.

I miss driving by my old high school and seeing that blue wall (that once seemed sooo big.)

I miss getting my orange cheese dip and cheeeeesy enchilda at Polly's La Mesa (what a hole in the wall!!)

I miss driving down Ingleside and trying to remember which building held my dance studio.

I miss randomly heading over to that biker bar on Broadway (what is the name of that place??) and always, with out fail - hear some of the best southern rock bands in town.

Heck - I never hear southern rock here.... (where I live now.)

I miss NuWay hotdogs.

I miss popping into Synergy late at night with friends and catching a really good Drag show.

I miss getting my feta dip with curly fries at Papoulis.

I miss driving around Crystal Lake.. actually parking the car.. and taking a walk around that lake - remembering the "glory days" of a much simpler and fun teenage life.

I miss dancing at Liz Reeds (that takes me back even further.)

I miss making fun of all of the "wired jaw" Georgia accents.

I miss seeing that bulldog mascot. (I am SICK of the elephant.)

I miss seeing a big G on the back of cars. All I see now are As.

I miss seeing some random.. "My child goes to ___ (fill in the blank private school.) Because no one gets my joke here.. "Hey, I went to public school."

I miss driving down Gray Highway and remembering all of the awesome people I met and the crazy life we once all led when working at 13WMAZ. (And yes, you can survive on beer, ramen noodles and good conversation.)

I miss Cherry Blossoms.

I miss randomly attending some "theater cast" party. Heck, I miss the days I used to actually perform in theater. Hard to believe I was ever a theater kid. No one would believe it now. lol

I miss worrying whether or not you would run into an old boyfriend.

I miss not having a single decent place to shop - so it was always exciting to shop online or go to Atlanta. hahahaha.

I miss thinking that our little downtown was actually a real downtown.

There is something that bursts the bubble of what was once home - when you move away. You look back and see things more clearly.

For one - everything looks sooo much smaller now. Life was actually less stressful, moved at a slower pace and was actually manageable. Of course I could not see it then.

All the way down to less lanes on the highway - there is a bit of ease that I miss.

Traffic jams that are more like a Sunday afternoon drive here.
Even the homeless people generally stay in one place.

Speaking of which - I miss taking my bike down to the riverwalk.

I knew every twist and turn and road in that town.

I knew the name of every major player in town, and which bands were the best, and where to get the best deal on a drink. (Heck, there weren't many options in any of those categories - but I KNEW them.)

I just miss that something familiar.

I find myself now surrounded by many things I always wanted. I created another life for myself. And yes, it's not my last stop - I know. My life will have many twists and turns and new characters and street names to learn. I think the cities will get bigger and bigger.. even the languages may change.

I know that I have hardly even scratched the surface on my life. I am 37 - but more than likely I have a looooong way to go.

Where will I end up? Who will be around me? What will it be like to return home in 20 years?

For now.. I can rest assure... I left home on an upswing, and that, my friends, is the only way to leave.