And like that..

Hmm..

You know, they say when you least expect it, someone will walk into your life and just make it a little better.

A few months ago, I sort-of reconnected with an old friend. We did not really know one another well, but our paths crossed numerous times and we knew a lot of the same people. As with everything in my life, the timing was just bad. His mom was sick, and he was flirting with the idea of getting back together with an old girl friend. Then the mom died, and the girl stuck around. We continued to talk, joke, and we laughed and said that it probably just would not happen in this lifetime.

Then.. well.. it did.

He settled his family affairs.
He told the girl that he needed to move on.
Then he called me and said, "Let's get together."

And so it begins.

Apparently we are going to give this thing a go. Slowly....

He is one year older than I.. divorced... extremely tall... and extremely talented. A New Orleans trained chef and local musician. A funny guy.. and seems to have a heart of gold.

The jury is still out on what will come of any of this. But.. it's nice to know that someone I am actually interested in is equally interested in me.

Time will tell..

Things I Have Learned This Week

1. Life is incredibly short. We do not know the minute, the hour, the day that our lives will end. Live now.

2. I will never understand why people feel the need to lie.

3. Make sure you get the entire story before you jump to conclusions.

4. Trust is precious. When I give it.. consider it a very special gift. When you take it away... you remove an ounce of what keeps me grounded. I'm trying to not be bitter... but it's getting harder.

5. I will embrace October like a long lost friend. Let's get out of September as quickly as possible. Hopefully there will not be any residual yuckiness left behind.

That's all I've got.

September can suck it...

And the hits keep on coming...

In one week a friend dies..
And now..
oh here's a good one -
My ex is remarried.

I thought he got married today.

Oh no.. he just made it public today.

He married a girl on June 29th.

Awesome.

Our divorce was final just two weeks before that.

Just awesome.

Let's give it up for September.. *thunderous applause from the peanut gallery*

Speak Poet, Speak

In his first and only book, Mr. Sibaltia, aka Daniel Muhammad, said, "I write poetry because basically it's the only way that you can say "fuck you" to a room full of people and not get your ass beat."

Seriously. That was his opening line.

When I first met Mr. S (as he loved to be referred to,) I thought I saw just another kid trying to be some type of artist. You see, our little town of Macon, Georgia is FULL of artists: performers, visual artists, musicians... it's what we do. But Daniel.. he proved me wrong - he was not just another artist, he was one in a million.

In his own words, written right in the opening of his book, "That Really Speaks, Inspired, Something," Mr. S. says, "Poetry is true form freedom. ... Hell it's all about expression and creating an avenue of getting shit off your chest," and he used this creative outlet as his way of telling his story.

Here's the thing... Mr. S. died this morning.
25 years old.
He got hit by a car as he was crossing a busy highway. Rumors are flying over whether or not he stepped in front of the car on purpose. I have to admit, it's the first thing that crossed my mind. You see, Mr. S... or Daniel as I knew him, he was a tortured soul - a typical creative. He had experienced more in his short 25 years than most of us care to live. No, he was not addicted to drugs, and no, he was not in a gang.. unless you count the numerous beautiful girls he would often have draping on his arms - he was just a kid, trying to find his way, and finally get the validation he so richly deserved.

It was such a shock this morning to hear of his passing. I can't tell you how many times he would come bounding up the steps at the Tubman Museum, plopping down in my office, just sharing his latest stories. And boy, did he have some stories. He shared his heart aches, his dreams, his loss.. oh so much loss... you see, Daniel suffered from feelings of abandonment and was always looking for someone or something to cling to. Instead of actually finding someone.. he held onto the one thing he was born to do, and that was write and perform. He was a spoken word artist.

Earlier this year, he took his poetry that he had memorized (I'm serious, this kid knew every line of almost every poem,) and jotted them down and found a way to self publish.  Check out that link to order a copy of his book. I was the first person in Macon to buy his book, and the second to receive his autograph.

He was so proud of his work, as he should be, and wanted so much for people in Macon to embrace his poetry.

He would often perform spoken word at area venues or would lead African drumming workshops. He loved working with kids, and honestly, only wanted to make a difference in someone else's life.. the way the mentors and other program leaders from his childhood made a difference in his.



We are all shocked. We are all deprived of what could have been.
He taught us to always politely ask for him to recite his work by saying.. "Speak Poet, Speak."
Daniel.. I say to you now..
You have spoken.
I'm sorry you did not get the chance to see how much everyone here really did love you..
But we hear you... and will always be better for knowing you.

Colorful Transitions

I'm trying like crazy to just embrace the process. 
One day is phenomenal, with unlimited possibilities.
The next day is nothing more than God's unfaltering.. "Not this time, Nicole."

If you are just beginning to follow my blog, let me catch you up on the past four years of the journey. When I began this story - my story - I had just successfully worked the entire immigration system and got my egyptian into the country, and we were happily married, living in Birmingham. I had a great job, a great apartment, great friends, and honestly I was doing wonderfully. 

Then life happened.

I now find myself living in my hometown of Macon, Georgia, in another great job, in a cute apartment, with more great friends... but this time I am taking the path of singledom. 

You'll soon discover that most of my blog posts are about human relationships, specifically the ones I find myself in. Either it's with friends, or a romantic interest. I was 36 when I started this Destination: Unknown. Since then I have gotten married, divorced, lost a job, lived unemployed for 9 months, and completely rebuilt my life.

Now I am documenting that struggle to make this journey alone. 
Folks, this is not an easy road to walk.

 I have experienced a multitude of ups of downs when it comes to my personal life. This past week was no exception.

My question tonight for all of you - how do you maintain balance, when nothing seems to make sense anymore?

I made a comment to one of my closest friends the other day, I said, "Sometimes I just want my old life back. Even when I was unhappy. I least THEN I knew what to expect."

How effed up is that?

Have a great week, folks!

Things I Have Learned This Week

I have been a little busy.. sorry for the delay in posts. However, with a busy schedule comes the wonderful knowledge and experience I garnered. Let's dive in, shall we?

1.

This cat is the most grateful cat. Salvatore loves me like no other animal ever has. Here he is hugging my arm. Seriously. He follows me from room to room and is always within an arm's reach of me. I am truly blessed to have this boy.

2. Music remains my favorite therapy of all. If it was not for the songs I play morning, noon, and night - I would probably lose my mind.

 

 

3. I CAN drink the koolaid.. as long as it comes from a vine.. and is fermented.

4. Zen Kitty.. aka the Velvet Elvis is becoming more and more loving. He is still such a kitten, but I woke up the other day with him curled up against my neck. Yep.. he loves me too.

5. This could very well be my life.

6. I now have a new refreshing drink obsession. The Lime Sparkler from Taco Bell. Just try it and report back.

7. This is a terrible, terrible lesson I learned this week. A friendship will forever be tarnished. I really hate that.

8. A homemade beignet is a wonderful treat for a Saturday night with friends.

9. Everyone down in the south has their own recipe for Gumbo. Heck, I don't care - just keep making it!

10. I am in such a better place.. be it a confusing place.. a transitional space.. but I am trying to use this quote as a mantra.

11. Perception is reality.

12. Another thing we do well down here? A low country boil. Can I just say.. BEST ONE EVER. Rocky kicked ass with his recipe and it was seasoned perfectly!

13. What seems like a good idea pre coffee and pre breakfast and pre 9am is NEVER really a good idea. What. Have . I . Done?

Things I am Obsessing Over

I thought I would share with you the latest I am "obsessing" over - you know, the songs, the clothes, the random items I suddenly discover that I simply "just can't live without."

Let's begin, shall we?

First thing is the color of fall. No, I'm not stating this is the color that represents fall, but rather this is the color that will be HOT this fall. It was all the rage at NY's Fashion Week. It's called Oxblood. Don't believe me - google it.

 Everything from belts, to nail polish, to furniture, to skirts - the hot color is Oxblood, and I have to say - I love it. Probably one of my favorite shades of red, and you know how I love red lipstick and nails.

Next.. is this instagram Polaroid camera. Is this thing for real?

I went to a website and discovered that is a concept camera right now. Regardless - if it actually comes out - I WANT IT.

I'm sure you've seen these outdoor chairs - but I am IN LOVE with them.

And yes - they are for real. Check out the website HERE.

Now I realize this could totally have been staged by his publicist, but it is nice to see and hear such wonderful feedback. We all know this is true.. and I love it. If you have not seen this video, take a moment and watch. Intelligence is sexy.

I'm always sharing the latest videos of songs that I SWEAR are going to be hot. Remember the last song I shared? LORDE's song? Yep.. I'm finally seeing people talking about it. Now.. here is something a little silly.. mark my word.. it's coming:

They are from Norway. lol

Also, I have subscribed to Flula's Youtube's channel. He updates on crazy American idioms. I am usually rolling with laughter.. this guy is brilliant. I try to get a daily dose..

Finally.. for my non southern friends.. I love this video and man oh man.. it's so true! LOL

Things I've Learned Living Alone... again.

1. When you are sick, you have to push yourself a little harder than you normally would. YOU have to take yourself to the doctor. YOU have to take yourself to get the medicine. YOU have to set out the pills and set the clock. YOU have to clean up your own vomit.. even when you are already super sick. YOU have to disinfect everything when it's all over. Then the most important piece - YOU have to give yourself permission to live in a messier than normal house, that is, until you feel up to cleaning.

I suppose that would also mean YOU have to dial 911 for yourself... hmmm..

2. Heavy grocery bags = workout. No more asking someone else to help you bring stuff up. No one to help you reach those super high shelves. No one to call to bring home the milk. You have to be both strong and not forget to make multiple stops on your way home.

God forbid if you are sick. ;-)

3. You want to eat? YOU have to cook it all. No more waiting for someone to help chop the veggies, or pull the gross bloody meat out of the pack - it's all you.

4. Garbage piling up? It's up to YOU to take it to the dumpster.

5. Filthy tub or toilet? Guess who's stuck cleaning it? Also - toilet gets backup - no more calling in the heavy guns to help you.. it's all you kid. I am learning to become a bit of a plumber.

6. Litterbox issues? It's all me. Yes, I end up walking away - gagging and often times throwing up - but I have no choice.

7. Shoulders hurt? No massages for you. I have to use the back massager, followed by a dose of ibuprofen, then talk a hot bath, to end with a little IcyHot on the spot. If I'm lucky, I can book a massage.. but now that I live alone, who has an extra $75 to indulge? Not me.

8. Left overs. No one to eat them. In the trash they go. Which makes the trash heavier. Booo.

9. Bills? Oh well, sister. It's all you.

10. Finally.. having a bad day? No one to comfort you? Friends busy with their own families? Family busy with their needs? Everyone has something going on? It's up to you to comfort yourself. To treat yourself well. To take care of your needs.

In other words - living alone, and being alone is not for the weak. Not at all.

100 Degrees and Fall is in the Air

The title probably makes very little sense to you. 

I understand that.

It's super hot outside. From about lunch time to 6pmish, I am sweating buckets and running for air conditioned cover. However, with all of this heat, something else is happening... I am noticing that I am waking up with swollen, watery eyes.

My friends... Fall IS in the air. The only difference is, the air is not cool.

*sigh*

Yes, now my season of sniffles and what not shall begin. Just give me a few weeks and I will have my one big super duper sinus infection of the season.

I still love this time of year.. regardless of the blur it causes with my vision- despite the itching and pressure.. it remains one of my favorite times of year.

I am ready for the warm shades and jewel tones to reappear. I am ready to smell dead leaves. I want to enter someone's home and get all wrapped up in the warmth of Cinnamon and apples. I want to see everything shift to pumpkin spice.. and break out those beautiful clothes, which to this day, remain my favorite to wear.

I love my scarves. I love my boots. I love the way my hair smells in colder weather. I like that I can actually take a deep breath, and not feel like I am in a sauna. I like that I can wear something more than once, without having to over wash it and destroy the fabric.

It's time. 

What are you most looking forward too?

My rose tinted glasses are cracked

No doubt about it - I'm having a hard time staying positive the past few days. 

I wake up, in a fairly decent mood, considering the fact that I wake up with two cats swarming my face and attacking my feet. I push snooze, maybe once or twice, just to allow myself a few more minutes sleep before I tackle the day - only to wake up in an empty house with a thousand details to be attended to before I even make it out the door.

Honestly, I don't know why that's such a hard pill to swallow. I mean, I never had anyone to make me coffee in the morning, or have breakfast waiting on me. If anything even remotely close to that was going to happen, it would always be me doing it for the other person. 

Basically I am the one responsible for stumbling out of bed, feeding and cleaning up after cats, taking care of myself, and some how making it to work on time. But here is where the problem ends up rearing it's ugly head- once I set foot out of that door, all bets are off. It's me against the word and the 5000 battles I will endure that day. We all experience it... so this is nothing new to report. Everything from negotiating traffic, to paying bills on time, to meeting the demands of a high pressure job, to fulfilling all of our community commitments, to somehow finding the time to nourish my soul.

All of this is just life. I get it - so I tend to try on a new pair of rose colored glasses from time to time and simply hope and pray for the best.

The challenging part for me these days? No support. No safety net. No one to say, "Hey girl.. I've got your back."

Yesterday, I spent some time in Savannah with three other friends. We are all in a transitional period of our lives - post divorce/break ups/moves/jobs.. you name it. We're all successful, strong women in our own right, and have weathered our storms incredibly well. As we were driving back from our trip, we were sharing what everyone looks for in a partner. I sort of rattled off some silly things that I wish I could find in someone:

- I need a grill master. I miss having someone cook for me. (It's been years - that's the problem with marrying a non-American, they don't grill out.)
- Someone tall. It's just a requirement of mine.
- Someone with an excellent sense of humor.
- A great conversationalist.
- Someone who balances me out. (Calmer than I... Centered... less frivolous with $$)
- Someone not overly involved with the arts. (Seriously... I need a break from this from time to time)
- Finally.. and this was the piece de resistance:
someone who will just say to me... "Don't worry girl, I've got your back."

See, the problem is... I've never felt like I could trust anyone, or depend on anyone for anything. I'm incredibly independent and a bit of a problem solver, and for me.. I just want to have someone to come home to and let my guard down with.

Is that too much to ask?

What I've realized over the past couple of weeks... I've never had that. Not as a kid, not as a teen, not in college, not as a young adult, never with anyone I was married to...

I just sort of had to do it all by myself.

I know I'm not the only one. You may very well be exactly the same... 

What I have realized is that by not setting up any expectations for other people, I have not had any of my needs met. I pretend that I will be okay, and everything will be okay.. and yes, I do utter from time to time, "I know God will handle this and it will all work out in the end."
But God also gave us other people so that we can have a soft place to fall. I just have not been lucky enough to identify my safety net. In other words... I am trying hard to remain positive on those harder than normal days.. but there is a bit of a crack in my rose-tinted glasses and I find I'm working a little harder than normal to remain positive. 

It's all a process, and one I am trying to understand and trudge through. I know we all have our own little battles to conquer, and I honestly hope that by my sharing this process, maybe someone out there can say.. "hey.. it's not just me."

Things I Have Learned This Week

1. I am in love. His name is Margarita. He's a little salty, a little tangy, and a whole lot of fun. ;-)

2. I need to carve out a little time for me. When I say that, I mean for the things I keep saying I want to do. Check out the post on that earlier this week!

3. I need to devote more time to blog. Like the old days.

4. I need a little magic in my life. Something that will amaze me.

5. It's hard to impress me. But it does happen.

6. I've learned some tough lessons this week about friendships. Even at 40, you can make mistakes or trust the wrong people.

7. Nothing is permanent. That's actually refreshing.

8. I feel really alive these days. The clouds and fog have cleared. The weather will only get cooler. My mood always lifts... and I am ready for my favorite time of the year - Oct - Dec!

9. It is critical that we all attempt to do one thing, every day, to create the life we have always dreamed of!

10. Finally - it's official... I am old. My hair stylist had to color my eyebrows when she was doing my hair. Why? I am getting grey there. lol

One Word - Trust.

You would think after all of these years, I would finally get it. That I would finally understand that people.. simply.. can NOT be trusted.

Period.

I'm not even talking about telling a secret. Sure, that's a form of breaking someone's trust. Typically, if I tell someone something, I will always back it up if I get called out on it. 

No.. I am talking about good-old-fashioned-self indulgent - hateful - out for yourself - BACK STABBING.

Yuck.
Triple yuck.

Do you remember the last time you were back stabbed? Wait.. let's define it. I wonder if there is an actual definition. Indulge me for a sec.. 

Looks like Merriam Webster has an actual definition.. and apparently, I'm misspelling it - it's backstabbing (one word) :
  betrayal (as by a verbal attack against one not present) especially by a false friend

— back·stab verb

— back·stab·ber noun

Examples of BACKSTABBING

1. She was hurt by her former friend's backstabbing.
2. backstabbing

to an art form>

First Known Use of BACKSTABBING

1946

Related to BACKSTABBING

Synonyms

betrayal, business, disloyalty, double cross, faithlessness, falseness, falsity, infidelity, perfidy, sellout, treachery, treason, two-timing, unfaithfulness

Those are all excellent words to use.

What I want to experience is more of the antonyms:

 

allegiance, devotion, faithfulness, fealty, fidelity, loyalty, staunchness, steadfastness 

My question is - How do you deal with backstabbers (in a professional manner?) Now this may be a personal attack amongst friends or a family member, or this could be someone you work with? I hear people share stories with me all of the time that just really make me sad for the other person. Friends against friend, co-worker against co-worker... it's never ending. Why do we do it and more importantly, what can we do about it?

I actually googled it, and WikiHow has 10 steps. (Seriously!)

1.  Ask your friend if you can have an important, quiet chat together. Tell your friend that you've heard negative rumors about you that were apparently sourced from your friend and that you're trying to clear up things as quickly and carefully as possible.

2.  Clarify your position. If the things said are only known by that friend, make this clear when bringing it up. There is little point in beating around the bush when this is clearly the case. However, say it kindly and with tact.

3.  Speak Calmly. Yelling and getting over-emotional usually doesn't help the situation. Talk in a calm voice.

4.  Seek out your friend's side of the story before making assumptions about what has happened. Use open-ended questions to encourage discussion and avoid asking specific ones or grilling your friend. Simply ask what happened. Listen attentively and stay sympathetic. 

5.  ell your side of the story next. Keep a calm and steady voice and use words that express your feelings. Avoid making statements that are accusations. Simply explain how their actions have made you feel. Be as nice as possible but don't sound desperate, accusatory or angry. Stick to the known facts and preface anything you're unsure about with comments such as "I don't know if it's true but X said...", etc. to show that you are still trying to make sense of the unknown, rather than presuming anything. 

6.  Bear in mind that people who are more removed from you than your friend may have an ax to grind or simply like to stir up trouble. It is important to keep an open mind before launching into accusing your friend of letting you down and spreading rumors about you. Consider what you know about the people who have fed the stories back to you and what their agenda might be. Consider also why you think your friend might have said something she or he shouldn't have––perhaps something slipped out without meaning to, perhaps a mistaken belief that someone else knew something caused your friend to elaborate or perhaps your friend was clueless about the real intentions of the person she or he spoke with. While your friend's reasons aren't excuses for their own behavior over which they have control, they are important aspects for you to consider when working out how you feel about the friendship from this time forth.

7.  Ask your friend if you have done something to bring on this bout of backstabbing. It's important to know whether you have somehow (even if the logic behind your friend's thinking is illogical, odd or wrong) contributed to this state of affairs. Perhaps they think that you've hurt them in some way and that this is a way of "getting back" at you for something you've said or done. Perhaps there has been a misunderstanding. At this point, it's important to clarify the possibility that your friend sees things in this light.

8.  Tell your friend that you consider that friendship is stronger than rumors and gossip, and that you're absolutely willing to work through whatever has happened to restore the trust in your friendship and move forward from this episode.

9.  Slowly build back trust. Do not let these wounds stay forever and block ability to share secrets or be open and honest with another person. Life brings us trialing moments where trust gets broken, however temporarily or easily. The way in which we respond to that breach of trust says much about our own character as well as about the other person. The more resilient we are, the more likely we are to be merciful and give a person we care about another chance, setting aside outrage as an excuse to stay stuck in being hurt ourselves. Try once more and give your friend another chance, especially given the boundaries you've set together from the previous step.

10.  Decide what to do if your friend is not willing to ever discuss or overcome the lapse in judgment and where you feel that the friendship is no longer viable due to a breach of trust or irreparable differences. Perhaps this isn't the first time it has happened, or perhaps your friend is already moving on from your friendship and this was a cheap shot way to rupture it. In such cases, protect yourself and go into damage control.

Tell me about a time you were backstabbed and how did you handle it?

Fried Chicken, Broken Promises, and Day Trips

I am finding myself in a bit of a mid-life crisis.

Oh snap! I said it.

Then it must be true.

I'm 40. (I know you know this.) I have a formal education. I have a great job. I have a home I can afford alone. I have responsibilities that make me look like a true grown up. But... and here it comes... BUT - I am a bit wishy washy these days.

I'm not sure if it's the whole.. well... it is what it is attitude I have adopted over the past five years, or if I am seriously standing at a cross roads. I'm just not quite certain what's going on.

I sort of have a bit of the "it's time to shake things up a bit" mood floating... but I am sure that is just because the dust is settling from the divorce. What I am left with is this big empty spot in my life where I used to fill with me devoting 98% of my energy to trying to make my marriage work. The other 2% was eating and sleeping. 

Since the big black hole appeared I have gone on several dates with about five different people. I suppose I have tried to find someone to just enjoy time with. In the mean time, I have developed several great friendships, one slight love affair, and not a whole lot of anything else. Just time fillers... mixed in with a bit of friendship. Nothing life altering to make we want to nest and change my last name again... just... time fillers.

I sort of quit trying to do those things I said I would do now. I need to finish that damned Rosetta Stone course in French I was working so hard on. I need to carry my big behind back to the gym. I need to actually go visit some friends and family... since NOW, I actually have the time. But still.. I don't seem to be doing anything. I'm in a bit of a funk. Hell.. I have not been able to write a decent blog post in weeks.

However, something sort of profound happened today. I stumbled upon an article that sort of sent sparks flying in my cold little heart again - One Question That Could Change Your Life For The Better was the name of the article. If you have a second, go read it. It's incredible. It reminded me that it's all about BALANCE... 

Which sounds easier than it actually is- we all know that. I typically get up, go to work, come home, and crash on the couch. I either talk on the phone, text, chat, watch tv.. then head to bed. OR.. I take it to a whole other level with events and dinners and what not. But all of those things I say I want to do.. I never get around to them.

This article recommends I get up earlier. Maybe even as early as 4am. If I did that, I would have four uninterrupted hours of quiet. I would be awake, I could do things - no worries from phone calls, or friends, or events.. I could get so much done. THEN I would go to work, and when I came home - sure, I'd be tired - but I would have been tired anyway. The difference is, I would have actually done the things I said I wanted to do, and therefore, created the life I wanted. 

Done and done.

It's a thought.

As for the title of this post.. let me explain:
Fried Chicken - I'm celebrating one year with my Downtown Macon Rotary Club. That's 52 weeks of fried chicken lunches and one year of sitting shoulder to shoulder with true leaders in our community.

Broken Promises - I have an opportunity to spend some time with someone I like a whole lot. We have a wonderful connection. However, he is involved with someone else. I just don't know if my karma card can handle that. (Don't worry - he's not married.) Red flags all around.

Day Trips - So excited to spend Sunday in Savannah with some awesome people. I love the new friends I have made and the old ones I have reacquainted myself with. It's good. It will fill my soul up.

My question to you - how do you balance everything?

Movies - Words - Relating

I have always been a huge movie buff. I love a good story line, and the words.. oh how the words.. they can change your life.

There are a few movies in particular, that have a few lines that I relate to. Maybe it's a philosophy I have adopted over the years, or maybe it mirrors my own life - whatever it is, it is relate able.

Here are some key movies lines that really reflect my own life or resonate with me in some way. Some are funny. Some are profound. But mostly, it definitely captures a tiny portion of my personality or lifestyle.

How about this final scene from the movie, "Alfie." I have always tried to live as untied down as possible.... Listen carefully.. and yes... I can relate.  (Though I am a serial monogamer.. I always figure it will never last...) This next scene.. hahahah.. Kelly Preston's character - what she says sounds exactly like something I would say. Yep.. I am sure my friends would agree. During my first marriage... this is classic... I did NOT want to be married anymore.. When I saw this scene in the movie (and read it in the book..) I totally understood. Powerful. (I think I even uttered these words about three months before he asked me for a divorce.) Ummm.. this is where I am now.. Yes.. Yes.. Yes.. the next scene is dead on. We all need to wait for the ladybugs. This scene always reminds me of those arguments.. with the one I loved the most.. This always reminds me of how we southern women fight.. lol And there are tons more (I just can't get my hands on them.) What are some of your favorite scenes from a movie - ones you can relate to? Just leave the link to the clip in the comment section!

Damn You, September.

Maybe September and I should reintroduce ourselves. Maybe we got off on the wrong foot. Maybe.. just maybe... I can turn things around.

God willing.

I've always looked forward to Fall; It's September that gets me down every time. 

Do you think I am exaggerating? Au contraire. 

I have proof:

Remember the time, it was back in 09, when I decided to try some "September Resolutions?" Yeah, that did not work out so well. Oh it goes on and on.. just read basically in post in September, usually hard core things happen. I wish I could just erase it all.. and not get caught up in the superstition. I wish there was some way I could perform some little ceremony to wash away the bad joo joo. 

I actually decided to google "overcoming bad luck" and yes, as you can imagine, there are tons of ideas. 

I found this Feng shui website that goes into great detail. Here is a quick look at what they recommend:
- Take a salt water bath. While soaking, they recommend imagining a spot of bright light at our forehead and slowly suppressing all the dark energy down words through the meridians of our chakras as we bathe. The salt is supposed to be cleansing, and washing away negative energy. (For example, after a day at the beach..)
- Power Energy Water Bath: Apparently this type of bath involves fresh flowers. Apparently the energy of the earth that enters the flowers then is released into the water. 
- Improve the flow of energy. Apparently this involves decluttering, spring cleaning, burning some sandalwood incense, and installing a small water fountain or some free flowing item. Time to unblock the chi.
- Tap into the fire energy. Light up your home with candles and bright light. The fire energy produced will diffuse away bad energy. Turn on your lights every where in the home so that there is no area left dark.
- Display a luck enhancing fan. This may be the game changer. Apparently the idea is to change your luck - redirect it. 
- Carry protective charms. 
- Work on my karma through charitable works.
- Finally.. and this is my favorite - travel out of the country. lol.. BOOM.. excuse to travel.

You know.. I don't necessarily think any of things combined or alone will change my luck. I don't know why really big bad things happen in September. I do know that what I can control is how I react to things.

All of those scary monsters.. I've met them face to face. I've failed really big. I lost everything... and some how.. some way.. I found my way back. For me, that some way was God.