Growth is incredibly difficult. Change can be bittersweet. Acceptance is a hard pill to swallow. And love can come in a variety of different options.
Back to square one, folks. Looks like my new friend is deciding to "move on," and that sucks.
So be it.
Work is a little challenging this month- the economy is tough, which means we all have to work super-extra-hard.
So be it.
It's time to grasp control of the steering wheel and scope out some new paths. New love interests. New potential projects at work to help us succeed. New zest - one that fulfills my soul.
Even when "bad stuff" is erased from my life, there will always be little challenges to pop up from time to time. The key is to make the stumble a part of my dance.
One of the key things I have decided to do is to at the end of each blog post, to include the top five things I am most grateful for each day. It could be as simple as a tasty ice cream cone, or a kind word someone shared with me. I need this. I need to remember that my life is truly fantastic, not some gloomy experience.
I was chatting with two of my closest friends the other day (different phone conversations) and we were commiserating about our lives. I was complaining that I was not a priority for anyone and that certainly I was destined to live alone, stuck making a certain amount of money, and not achieving some of those "wanderlust" dreams I hold so closely to my heart. One of them went on to talk about the challenges of a new family, and adjusting her dreams to accommodate her new life. The other was sharing how she had accomplished all of her goals, and she was stuck asking herself, "Now what?"
We all stopped and sort of chuckled. We all have homes. We all have great jobs (One if a successful gifted teacher, one is a news director, and I am the head of marketing for one of the largest african american museums in the nation.) We have all traveled. We are all well-educated. We are (honestly,) interesting people and lead fairly interesting lives. We realized we were complaining about things the average person sees as fantastic.
Lord knows, I have been down down down.. which humbled me beyond words. I did what I set out to do, and I rebuilt my life, one I could be proud of. But that did not mean it was easy. If you have been following for a while, you know how hard times have been since about 2007. I went from one divorce, to meeting and falling crazy/madly/in love with the egyptian, to dealing with immigration for 2 years, to readjusting with and taking care of my immigrant husband, to being on top of my game to suddenly come crashing down and losing my home, my job, my husband, and almost all of my money. I fell into a 9 month pit of despair to climbing out slowly, and trying to find some sort of normalcy and put down some roots.
Yet, I'm never satisfied. It's never enough. Which is why I need to identify the good in my life, in simple terms.
As it stands, I am sitting on my couch, drinking my morning coffee, watching the OWN Network, and realizing I am back to square one - a few splinters, but lots of rainbows in the distance.
Gratitude on Saturday:
1. For the ability to eat healthy all day, and not get tempted by the yummy things.
2. Having access to technology: being able to afford a nice laptop, invest in a few good games, and lose myself in them on a Saturday afternoon.
3. Being able to get into my "skinnier" jeans last night.
4. Spend time with a family member I have not truly hung out with in years (since childhood.)
5. For the recent journey with a really wonderful guy. That season has passed. I must accept it and move on.
No comments:
Post a Comment