Destination Unknown: March 2013

Sunday, March 31, 2013

Easter Weekend

Saturday, March 30, 2013

Things I Have Learned This Week

1. A week can easily start with smiles and end with tears.

2. Too much cheese can cause you to gain 2 pounds in one week.

3. Cleaning is next to impossible when you are unhappy.

4. Then when you are really unhappy, suddenly you can clean like a demon.

5. Not sure how a demon cleans.. but perhaps I should say speed demon.

6. Again, not sure what a speed demon is.

7. Sometimes, no matter what you do, no matter how hard you fight for something, if it is not God's will, it's not going to happen.

8. Gardening has brought happiness into my life. I think I am channeling my Papa (mom's dad.)

9. Speaking of grandparents, I sure do miss them. I often send prayers up to them, asking them to look out for me and put in a good word for me. ;-)

10. Also, as far as Papa goes, none of this mess with Yasser would have happened. He would have personally nipped this. I sure do miss him.

11. It is possible to be in love with a messenger bag. I love mine. I searched high and low and got the perfect one.

12. If you are open and honest... people respond accordingly.

13. Easter Egg dying is a pain. I will more than likely NOT try that again.

14. I learned that no amount of soap and water will remove the dye from my finger tips. I almost, and I mean almost, pulled out the industrial strength cleaners. But I am terrified of chemicals. But that's how much I like my hands to be CLEAN.

15. I still love my Kindle. (I just looked longingly at it.)

16. That pushing my bed up against a wall causes me to not sleep as well. Apparently my sheets and comforter have to be perfect. I can't make my bed properly anymore (and I'm short - so it's hard to reach to do so.) I can't sleep well now. Got to move it.. AGAIN.

17. I'm running out of hangers and places for shoes.

18. I wish I lived on a farm. Seriously.

19. I am enjoying writing articles about the health related stuff I am passionate about at holisticnicole.com

20. Finally... and this is a big one... When telling a six year old you are going to be divorcing her favorite uncle in the whole wide world... be ready for questions. It sort of broke my heart. She did not take it very well.. I'm not sure what I thought, or how she would respond. I was very matter of fact.. um.. yeah.. not sure if I did that one right. :-$

Friday, March 29, 2013

With a Heavy Heart

Sure, everyone keeps telling me that this is for the best. I get that. I know in time it will all make sense.

But for the first time, in a long time, fear has crept in. I went to bed, okay.
I woke up with a heavy heart, sadness enveloping me, and a huge rock in my stomach.

I. DON'T. WANT. THIS.

I want what used to be. I know, it's silly to even think that way. But I miss the old him. I miss the way things were. That's what has kept me here for so long.

He said to me yesterday, once we sign the papers, he does not want to see me ever again. In this life or the next.

That was pretty harsh.

Am I that unlovable? Am I that terrible of a person? What in the world did I ever do to deserve that type of hatred?

We never talk. So.. it can't be something I said.
We don't go anywhere together... so it can't be something I did.

Here it is, 7amish and tears are falling.

How am I supposed to go and live?

I'm just sad this morning. Just incredibly sad. I suppose I held it together so hard yesterday, and never cried last night.. that it has just built up.

I got an email from my brother in law, and I guess it sort of solidified what I thought. He said he tried talking to him, but (and I won't call him the egyptian anymore,) Yasser told him he 100% wants out. If Tamer (my brother in law) believes it, it's done.

Now what do I do? Sit and wait for my world to come crashing down. How in the hell will I ever open up to anyone ever again? Will I just grow old and become the crazy cat lady?

Oh man.

It's Good Friday, btw. Though I know Jesus sacrificed himself on the cross for our sins. It's hard to be positive on such a day. My Easter weekends will forever be tainted. :-(

Thursday, March 28, 2013

The bright side of ending things

There is no use in crying over spilled milk. Well, okay.. maybe a few tears are in order.
It's official, and it may move swiftly. My husband, the egyptian wants O-U-T.

The way I deal with sadness is with humor.

Here are ten reasons I should be happy it's ending:

1. I can finally rearrange my apartment and decorate it the way I want to.

2. I can get a cat.

3. I can bring bacon in the house.

4. I can bring alcohol in the house.

5. I can wear my shoes in the house, if I want to (though, I actually sort of like this rule.)

6. I can wear what I want. (though, I am naturally not too showy.)

7. There will be laughter again.

8. I can leave my bra on the dining room table if I like.

9. I can talk freely with my friends on the phone, without fear of judgement.

10. Finally - I can let love back in my life.

New Project

I've been working on a new project, however, I'm not ready to go 100% public with it yet.
I actually bought a domain name and created a website dedicated to holistic living. Something I have slowly been incorporating into my life and have been studying for years.

What I plan to do is share what I learn. Simple as that. Keeping it very informational, nothing personal. It will be articles, graphs, links, and other lists to nourish the mind, body and soul.

I am having to grab the bull by the horns and attempt to pull myself up and I want to share that progress with others. I've toyed with taking this online program in alternative medicine/holistic living - just for me. You do end up with a certification in life coaching, but it is geared toward living a healthier, NATURAL life.

No diet pills. No fat doctors. No silly diets. Just healthy foods.

Baby steps, people. Baby steps.

I've had a blast going through magazine articles I have clipped over the years, the recipe books I have highlighted the good stuff, and researching the various subjects I am so passionate about.

What am I passionate about?

1. Organic food

2. Recycle

3. Less Plastic Water bottles (BPA)

4. Honey bees

5. Eating local

6. Making eco-conscious choices

7. Growing an organic garden

8. Joining co-ops

9. Composting

10. Reducing my waste

11. Non-toxic household cleaners, etc.

12. Monsanto issues

13. Holistic medicine

14. Meditation

15. Yoga

etc. etc.

If this is something you enjoy learning about, then stop by holistic nicole. Each day I will add a little something and hope we can all take BABY STEPS to incorporate these ideas into our lives. Every little bit helps.

It will be fun to watch transformation in my life and your lives. There is a facebook page to follow also. Please consider following.

Now for the BIG question - Will Destination Unknown still happen? Hell yes!

THIS site is my personal, online journal. holistic nicole is simply a way to share what I learn every day.

Thoughts?

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Movie Marathon

For those of you that have figured me out a little, you know how much I LOVE independent movies. Sometimes I need a break from all of the quirky drama and I watch television series. Now that True Blood is over for me and Mad Men (I watched all I could watch,) it was time for something different. To lighten things up, I did happen to watch Season 1 of Bridalplasty. (Don't laugh at me.)

In between all of that... I went on an independent marathon. Last week, here are the wonderful movies I watched. (PS - I did watch about 4 more, but I would NOT recommend them.)

I truly enjoyed watching Lars and the Real Girl. Fascinating take on delusion and detachment. Quirky, funny, touching and a few times it pulled on my heart strings. Safe for the whole family to watch and not too dark. Tiny Furniture was fantastic! It was very much post-college-what-do-i-do-with-my-life coming of age movie. Quirky. Funny. Witty banter. The main character's snarky/quirky dialogue reminds me of things I would say. LOL Blue State was probably my least favorite of all of these. But it's fun. I like how it forces people to stick to their threats (you know, people always threatening to leave the states if someone wins the election.) Funny.. I watching Going Down in La La Land last night. It is NOT one for the whole family. Lots of sex.. but it is about a gay man who moves out to LA to try to make it into the movie business. He finds himself doing what I am sure so many other people end up doing out there. Fascinating journey and good stuff. Take This Waltz is genuinely one of the best movies I have seen in so long. I love how the main character went with her heart and if you have ever fallen in love with someone and did not want to hurt the one you were with... you will get it. I think it is a great movie that shows how it happens, and how you are not necessarily trying to hurt other people. Broken English was great. I love how this woman went with her heart. The whole, "You need magic in your life" line spoke to me. I, too, need magic to feel alive. Finally, Rid of Me. WOW. Heartbreaking. Quirky. Funny. Just a slice of life.

Monday, March 25, 2013

Day in My Life

It's been a while since I did one of those "day in the life" posts. I thought for fun I would bring them back.. maybe once a week or so.

All of these photos were taken with my iphone, so the quality is less than perfect.

Also, this will show you JUST how boring I really am.

A typical Monday for me...

I woke up a little on the hungry side.. so I went for eggs. Protein helps me think better.

I scrambled and added some cheese and yumm.. PS - I added spicy Tabasco salt and cracked black pepper.

Sumatra Coffee with Caramel Latte Creamer

No makeup. Properly caffeinated and ready to transform. Yep.. circles under the eyes, wrinkles showing.. hair pushed back... this is 40 at 7:30 in the morning.