Instant Human: Just add Coffee!

There should be a rule out there that does not allow bloggers to write BEFORE the caffeination commences.

I propose we add a little "breathalyzer" to our laptops. Upon logging onto Blogger, we must breathe into the apparatus, and test positive for stimulants.

**also note, if we test positive for more than two glasses of wine, blogger should lock the keys on our key board. Surely, trouble is not far behind.

I have struggled for the past five years with waking up in a good mood. Essentially, I am NOT a morning person. Let me clarify. I like to wake up earlier than the people around me, but I am not a "happy" person. This is MY time, and I like to huff and puff and groan obscenities at inanimate objects, ie: my computer, the coffee pot, the coffee filters, the tooth brush, the toilet paper, "extra pillows" that were tossed of the bed during sleep, the glass of water I have knocked off the night stand, etc. My cat used to fall into this category. Probably best he does not live with me anymore.

I think my worst enemy is my alarm clock. I really hate that thing. I look at it and glare, followed by a deep growl. I love the mornings where I do not have to set it, and can wake up naturally. Again, if the egyptian wakes up before me - you might as well have given me a set clock. I like to be the first to awake.

With that being said, my early am blog posts are very very negative. I think I need to use those as my "10 minute" brain storm, a technique many books on creativity recommend. However - don't publish it. ;-)

As it turns out, my day is going quite well. I got a lot of things accomplished, and my evening is jam packed with activities. Note: I need to thank COFFEE.

I did try to give up the ol' java back in November. I did okay for the first few weeks, then something struck. In January I ended up with meningitus and needed the extra boost just to survive the meds. Then the horrible addiction returned.

When I think about it - there are two items in particular I have an extreme addiction to - Coffee and Potato Chips. I am not kidding. I am a bit of a potato chip connesuir. Both are equally rough on a kid with high blood pressure. ;-)

When I smell coffee, see the word coffee, see the color dark brown - I immediately begin trying to figure out where I can get my next cup. I don't care what time it is. I need it - and I need it now.

When someone says potato, or salt, or I hear the crinkling of a bag, or smell something that may resemble a chip.. I start counting the change in my bag, hoping to snag a "big bag" at the corner store.

What I need is a good 12 step program to rid myself of this desire.

Or perhaps, I could start my own.

Here are my 12 steps:

1. I am powerless to chips and coffee.
2. Do not surround yourself with the color brown, mugs, or creamer.
3. No one within a 12 foot area can mention chip, salt, or crinkle a bag.
4. I am not allowed to enter Starbucks, or an office break room.
5. My work will have to lift the encouragment of meeting people for coffee.
6. I will not be swayed by the chip bowl at a party.
7. I will throw out my coffee maker, espresso maker, and cute little espresso cups.
8. I will not travel to Columbia, Indonesia, any other fabulous place that exports coffee.
9. I will not chase after the Frito Lay and Golden Flake delivery drivers
10. I will turn to water and bananas.
11. I will memorize my 12 steps.
12. I will more than likely jump off a bridge.

*sigh*

I wonder if I have time to run by Starbucks on my way to the meeting???