Acceptance

Jasmine Guinness once said, "In my twenties, I was obsessed with what other people thought of me. In my thirties, it's about my children, my husband, my work. In my forties, it's going to be about me, and I shan't care what anyone else thinks. I can't wait!"

Here I am. Sitting just inside the 40 yard line. I suppose at this point in my life, I have created the person I wanted to become... or at least I got part of it right. Regardless of whether I am winning or failing, here I am.

I had a fantastic lunch just yesterday with a good friend of mine. She is in her mid-thirties, accomplished professionally, has her MBA, and shares a lot of the same interests as I do. We were chatting about another friend of ours, a younger woman who is trying so desperately to be acknowledged for her accomplishments. She wants to be seen as a writer, a marketer, a this... a that.. desperate for validation. Her path started a little later than the rest of ours, so there is more of an uphill battle for her. But at the end of the day, all she wants is someone to tell her she did it. She has arrived.

But she hasn't. 
And it is borderline annoying. 

Regardless, you have to be patient and recognize the hustle. I'll give her that, she's got lots of hustle. She's getting there, maybe her push is a little messy and off-putting, but she's on the cusp of "making it." Then again, she has a looooong way to go.

Validation is a funny thing. We all yearn for it on some level. We need it in our core. It gives us a false sense of security. I believe in your 40s, you suddenly have all of the validation you need. I don't need you to tell me I am doing a good job. I know what I have done. I don't need public recognition, I know what I am doing. Yes, it feels good to know you are doing something and yes, it is nice to be recognized for doing it, but it is not the end all be all. 

One thing is for certain: As quickly as we rise, we will fall... only to rise again, and potentially fall... yet again. It's the ebb and flow of life. I think when you can grasp that, the rest sort of just works itself out.

One of my favorite authors, F. Scott Fitzgerald once said, "It is in the thirties that we want friends. In the forties we know they won't save us any more than love did." 
There is a peace in being okay with who you are and where you are in life. 

Speaking of life - A lot has happened over the past few weeks. Good things, stressful things, and in between things! I'd liked to share a few highlights with you!

The move happened. My friends Derek and my love, Mr. S.G. helped me get my heavy stuff in storage. 

Salvatore did what he could to help out!

I probably melted a little. Hot & Humid Georgia Weather + Moving is NOT a winner

I got to play tooth fairy to this 1st degree Black Belt. YES!!!

The freelance writing ops are incredible this year! Three articles in the last Macon Magazine, and I have about 5 more coming up with the 11th Hour publication. Not too shabby for supplemental income!

I finally got to relax at S.G.'s for the weekend. Lots of fun in the sun! (Yes, he has a pool. His house has like 500 outdoor activities! And people wonder why I go down there sooo much?)

His middle child and I in the pool

His youngest and I!

His oldest (with the black hair) and the rest of his family by the pool

THIS

Having fun!

I've added some new items to the gift shop!

Was interviewed for a story - "What does it mean to be Southern?" 

There is a new restaurant in town - Parish on Cherry (New Orleans style flavor)

Candied Bacon (with a little spicy kick) and a marmalade of some kind with peppers

Oyster Po Boy with potato spirals

Plus... I have the best friends a girl could ask for - CHEEEEEEEEESSSSSSEEEEEEE

Understanding Self Love

Every day, for the past 10 years, I have read a daily devotion out of a book. The pages are a little torn and ratty, some are dog-eared, and many have ink where I underlined some sentence that spoke to me. I've never been able to find a better devotional than this book, so I've never stopped rotating through the year.

It is called Journey To The Heart by Melody Beattie. No, it's not chock full of religious insight or even any bible passages, so if you are looking for a Christian devotional, this is not it. Though there is a mention of God throughout the book, it is more about understanding life in general. Each day there is a different, basic theme, and today, on January 8th it was about loving yourself until feels real. A take on "fake it until you make it."

There is one paragraph in particular that I want to share today, it says, "Sometimes, loving ourselves means accepting ourselves enough to tell ourselves other people like and approve of us. Sometimes, loving ourselves means approving of ourselves, even when they don't. It takes courage to stop cowering and openly love, accept, and approve of ourselves."

This sort of got me to thinking of past behavior on my part. I have often prided myself on surrounding myself with strong, independent, almost overly snarky friends. People who can dish it out and take it. I saw some of these people as validation that, yeah, I'm a tough chick, and sure, I can handle anything you throw at me - don't worry, I'm resilient.

But the truth is, those people weren't always the best for my spirit.

I actually have begun to view kindness, compassion, the ability to forgive as true strength. Sure, I can "take it," but nothing is written in the stars that says I should be taking it. I have come to the realization that many people that I have let into my life, in all reality, aren't exactly good for my soul. No, there is nothing wrong with them. But maybe, they aren't what I need in order to grow as a person.

I met a woman recently that if I had met 25 years ago, I probably would not have given her the time of day. She is, in all societal regards, not very attractive. Actually, if I am completely honest, she was not blessed with many outwardly attributes that would be considered beautiful. However, she had the warmest smile, the kindest words for me, and I could tell that her soul was shining through. I never really surrounded myself with these type of people. The average Joe, the person who is just happy to live and not really caring so much for the limelight. Instead, the "friends" I have made my entire life have always been the people who have to not only try to be the best, they want everyone to know they are the best, and sometimes, in an effort to validate themselves, they might step on you on the way up. However, if I had made more friends like this woman I encountered, would my relationships be more real? Would I have felt more genuine concern and nurturing, and in turn, would I have saved myself years of trying to figure out why I was not feeling that connection with others like I had craved, but did not tap into?

With that being said, the section I read this morning sort of reminded me that it, in all honesty, starts with me. I need to be more loving and patient with myself, and not seek it from those I might find myself around. Please note, my closest and dearest friends do not fit this category. (That goes for you guys reading and wondering if I am talking about you.) I'm talking about what I call the second tier friends - the ones you typically come into contact with and share some social occasions. I need to be more choosy in who I let in. Really in.

What I need to remember in 2015 is to accept who I am and what I have become. I've accomplished a lot, and honestly, I 'm really good at what I do. I don't need any other "peers" to tell me that. The proof is, as they say, in the pudding. I am valuable to this community, to my job, to my family, to my friends, and to my significant other. I don't need someone to tell me that, I know that - maybe by a simple thank you, or a smile, or just knowing I truly did everything I could to make that person's life better.

In 2015, I will learn to love myself more. I will be my own validation, and with that, I will become a stronger friend to others.

Nice little tribute

Since I typically give my mom a hard time since she can be quite the "witch" sometimes (hee hee) - I thought I would share with you something that I agree whole hardily on.

I know I have alluded to my family's involvement in our community. Not sure if you know to what extreme..

My sister wrote a really nice post about my mom and nominated her for some award. (Personally awards are ridiculous and truly mean nothing.. validation is KNOWING you did a good job, not in a piece of paper or a gift card. THAT means nothing to me.)

With that said, please take a moment and read this. In the end, at think the fact that her daughter thinks highly of her should make all of the difference.

Please click here: ABOUT TO STICK MY FOOT IN IT.

How's THAT for being positive on a Tuesday??