What's going on?

I get a little concerned when I sleep too much. I know that may seem like an odd thing to say, but anytime I "over" sleep, eventually I end up really, really sick. Like meningitis sick.

I happen to have suffered with at least 3 bouts of this viral infection. Apparently, like mono, if under large amounts of stress or anything else that can lower the immune system, it can "reappear."  My doctor and I discussed it, and apparently, since I had chicken pox at an older age. That virus is also a trigger for allowing  my immune system to accept the meningitis. Since I am not a doctor, it's hard to explain. Apparently, we all come into contact with these germs/viruses/bacteria etc, every day. However our immune system can fight it off.. apparently mine cannot.

Each time I have ended up with this (and a stint in the hospital,) it always starts off the same: muscle tightness in my back and neck that will not break, headaches that start off as if they were sinus headaches, then dizziness, followed by a few days where I want to do nothing but sleep.

I just woke up from a 4 hour nap. I went to bed last night at 8:30pm.

I never nap. I never go to bed early.

I was sooo tense today, I finally popped a mild muscle relaxer a little while ago. I left a tv station today and almost lost my balance from dizziness. My head has a dull ache. I feel like crap.

Maybe it's just stress, but man - does this all feel familiar.

Maybe my body is fighting something off.

Whatever it is, vacation needs to get here and quick. Sounds like I need some time off.

Here it is 10pmish, and just woke up.. and I could easily head right back to sleep.
*yawn*

Just to educate you on what I am dealing with:
Source - Meningitus Foundation of America -

Recurrent
Mollaret's Meningitis
Mollaret described a syndrome, rather than a disease, of benign recurrent meningitis with characteristic spinal fluid picture in 1944. In 1962, Byrum proposed the clinical diagnostic criteria of:
Recurrent episodes of severe headache, meningismus, and fever

Cerebrospinal fluid (CSF) pleocytosis with large "endothelial" cells, neutrophils, and lymphocytes

Attacks separated by symptom-free periods of weeks to months

Spontaneous remission of symptoms and signs

No causative etiologic agent detected
Then in 1979, Goldi observed that Mollaret's meningitis could occur without fever, have symptom-free periods from days to years, increased CSF gamma globulin, and transient neurologic signs and symptoms.
Information
General:
Mollaret's meningitis is characterized by repeated episodes of fever (up to 104 degrees F), meningismus, and severe headache separated by symptom-free intervals. It's a rare, poorly understood disorder, whose cause remains obscure and its diagnosis by exclusion. Even though Mollaret's meningitis doesn't pose a threat to patients, its early recognition may prevent the repeated extensive diagnostic investigations.
Long-term transient neurologic abnormalities such as seizures, diplopia, pathologic reflexes, cranial nerve paresis, hallucinations, and comas occur in over 50% of cases.

The most difficult to differentiate from Mollaret's meningitis is the aseptic recurrent meningitis caused by epidermoid tumors. The cyst ruptures and the contents, which become hard to find, contain cell debris and ghost cells identical to those seen in the CSF of patients with Mollaret's meningitis. Associated viral infection is often suspected but seldom confirmed. Viruses that have been associated with Mollaret's meningitis include Epstein-Barr virus (something that people who have experienced mono typically had as a child, and did not know it,) Coxsackie viruses B5 and B2 (typical virus in the digestive system in children,) echoviruses 9 and 7 (another gastro-instestinal virus children can pick up and is common,) and herpes simplex viruses (types 1 & 2, plus, the virus that causes chicken pox and shingles.) 

Symptoms:




Irritability

Fever (below normal)

Headache

Stiff neck

Muscle aches

Fatigue

Individual attacks are sudden with symptoms reaching maximum intensity within a few hours. They persist for a few days, but can be present for 3 weeks. Symptoms can reoccur for years then disappear as quickly as they arrive.

What is meningitus? Meningitis is an infection of the fluid of a person's spinal cord and the fluid that surrounds the brain. People sometimes refer to it as spinal meningitis. Meningitis is usually caused by a viral or bacterial infection. Knowing whether meningitis is caused by a virus or bacterium is important because the severity of illness and the treatment differ. Viral meningitis is generally less severe and resolves without specific treatment, while bacterial meningitis can be quite severe and may result in brain damage, hearing loss, or learning disability. For bacterial meningitis, it is also important to know which type of bacteria is causing the meningitis because antibiotics can prevent some types from spreading and infecting other people. Before the 1990s, Haemophilus influenzae type b (Hib) was the leading cause of bacterial meningitis, but new vaccines being given to all children as part of their routine immunizations have reduced the occurrence of invasive disease due to H. influenzae. Today, Streptococcus pneumoniae and Neisseria meningitidis are the leading causes of bacterial meningitis.


At the end of the day - don't worry. I am not self-diagnosing, I am just being self-aware. When the constant sleep reappears, and some of the other symptoms, I know I need to take it easy.

Again - stress, according to the Infectious Disease team at UAB - is a trigger for this.

Luckily - vacation is a just a few days away. I am just trying to be calm until then.

PS - The past two days have been lovely, then again - in the evening, I slept through most of it!

Thank God

"Angels descending, bring from above,
Echoes of mercy, whispers of love."
~Fanny J. Crosby

I am about to get biblical on you. ;-) Just kidding - not really, but I need to say something... and it might get a little "metaphysical."

I had a CRAPPY day yesterday, mixed in with little bouts of good. As the evening progressed, it only got worse. I can always tell when the stress is trying to overtake my body - every muscle hurts so bad.

I got home and all hell broke loose. After dinner and an impromptu peach cobbler (which I had no business making while trying to diet,) I decided to just PRAY. I cried and prayed for well over an hour. I even broke out the rosary.

The tension is palpable. Sometimes, I feel like I could just snap. Not in the "Snapped" A&E murderess type of way, but in the Sylvia Plath "Bell Jar" sense.

So I did the only thing I had left to do - and that was offer up all of my stress, sadness, and anger to God. I told God that I just could not handle the issues that are bothering me any more. I had no where else to turn.

Before bed, as I was laying secluded in my bedroom - I happened to glance at my phone. My friend, Laura, from work - sent me a message:

I was reading through that Praying God's Word book & found this quote & sent it to my brother. Thought you would like it too :)


"Overcoming rejection is God's unquestionable will for your life if you belong to Him. How do you overcome rejection? By applying large doses of God's love to your wounded heart daily and by allowing Him to renew your mind until the rejected thinks like the accepted.


Jesus Christ will never leave you or forsake you. He will never cast you away. He is incapable of suddenly deciding He no longer wants you. If you have received God's Son as your Savior, nothing you can do will cause Him to reject you. Believe what God's Word tells you about Him and about you. You are defined by the love and acceptance of the Creator and Sustainer of the universe. He happens to think you are worth loving... and keeping. Find your identity in Him."

Regardless of what, dear reader,  you believe - this spoke to me. It was timely and like an answer to a prayer. Laura had no idea what I was going through that night, or what I was experiencing. Out of nowhere - this was sent to me. Right after I had finished praying and trying to calm down.

***

That night, as I lay sleeping, I woke up suddenly by a bright light. I thought - WHAT IN THE WORLD? It was the biggest, brightest moon shining through the blinds of my bedroom. Something about it comforted me... and I went back to sleep... hoping the moon beams would somehow heal my hurt.

This morning, I awoke - calm. I feel a sense of peace. EXACTLY what I needed. Yes, I have prayed for this many, many times - but never actually felt it. This time, I do.

Then I get to work - and I open my little daily reading piece, and you will not believe what today's said! I will transcribe it here:

Love All of Yourself

Do more than just accept yourself, tolerate yourself, put up with yourself, endure who you are. Love yourself.

There came a time in my life when I simply could no longer put up with putting up with myself. I had talked about self-love. I had said out loud that I loved myself. The words were good, but they didn't ring true. I had to actually begin experiencing and practicing love for myself. It became the next step on my path.

To live in a magical way, one in which you connect with the universe, loving yourself isn't optional. It comes first. To hear the quiet voice of your heart so you know you are being led, to hear your thoughts so you can see what you really believe, to trust and open your heart, you must first experience love for yourself.

Have you abandoned yourself? Let yourself see if that's true, feel it that's true. Then learn to experience love for yourself.

Learn to love the way you handle things. Love your unique way of learning, growing and seeing things. Love where you've been. Love what you've done. Love where you are, and what you're doing now.

Love how you look, smell, and feel. Love the color of your eyes, the color of your hair, and the radiance in your heart. Love how you laugh. Love how you cry. Love your mistakes, and love all the good you've done. Love it all. Love all of you.

"Step into love for yourself, and the universe will reflect that love back to you."

Coincidence?

"Coincidence is God's way of remaining anonymous. ~Albert Einstein"

Saturday Morning Perspective

No doubt it has been a long week.

Between some of the dynamics at work, and the dynamics at home - it was just too much. My shoulders are completely clinched and causing back spasms. I went to the doctor and have spent the past few nights with a nice little muscle relaxer.

Heading to bed at 8:30 - 9pm and sleeping soundly until dawn. It's amazing how exhausted I am.

I am in desperate need of a real vacation - to just sleep late, lay around and read and eat really good food. Without checking email, without answering questions, without all of the fires I have to put out at work.

The post I wrote yesterday came after a little argument. It was basically the straw that broke the camel's back. Following the post - I made some coconut shrimp, took a muscle relaxer and crashed.  I woke up and I felt a lot better. A little groggy - but good.

Today is Zumba day, and though I think it will make me feel 500 times better, I just want to lay low. It is supposed to storm - and I could not be happier. Let's wash the yuck of the week away.

Right now, I am sitting with a heating pad on my back, trying to stop these odd muscle spasms (which I will see an orthopedic specialist next week.) I bought myself a chic-fil-a chicken biscuit and diet coke, and I am watching the Parent Trap (the newest one with Lindsey Lohan.) I figure ABC Family is about as complicated as I need to make things today.

I am fine. I will be fine. I just hit an emotional breaking point yesterday. Needed to purge and I did.

Coming soon - a post suggestion about waking up as someone else! Dawn gave me a hard assignment, and I need to think on this one for a while!! I love a good challenge.

So the question I pose to you - how do you decompress and destress after a hard week?