Because this is what it was for

Disclaimer: I'm in a bad mood. Writing it out is how I feel better. Period.

It seems that my "good mood" luck has apparently dwindled down. I am surrounded by a lot of "dramatic" people, and unfortunately it's beginning to take its toll.

So what do I do? Instead of some obscure FB post or Tweet, I'm just going to pound it out on the keyboard and just get out what I want to say.

Then let it all go.

Because that's what those of us who write do.

First of all, two people that I spend most of my time with are going through massive transitions. They are both edgy and vulnerable and unfortunately it affects their attitude and ability to cope. One has some legal issues, the other is trying to rebuild his life. I care a lot about both, but their inability to not "flip out" from time to time, or their constant obsession with their problems, it's all really just too much for me to handle right now. I have worked very hard to build this drama-free protective bubble, and unfortunately, one of them started to let the air out of it.. and I am feeling the residual effects.

This too shall pass.. but for me, it's all just so incredibly unnecessary. Nothing I say or do can make their situations better. Yet I represent a sounding board to them. Lord. Have. Mercy.

Then there is the pressure to finish up a really big project at work. This is normal, but it's important, and when outside influences from my personal life try to distract me, it makes it extra hard to problem solve.

Then there is the sick kitty. He seems to continue to get these upper respiratory infections, and it has me worried. I'm doing everything the vet says. :-(

Then there is the whole.. "Oh you handle media relations and marketing? Maybe you can help me with....?" Uh... yeah.. and maybe you could pay me. (This coming from random people.)

Housework. I never seem to be able to get it all done.

Family? Who has time to visit?

Finally, there is the good stuff. Some really, REALLY good stuff that has happened in my life. I just wish for once I could get some validation from someone.. anyone. I know it's silly, but at the end of the day, we all just want to hear that we did a good job. For whatever reason, I rarely hear that from anyone in my life. Maybe it's the people I choose to surround myself with... who knows. But I have literally rebuilt my life... from ZERO. Not even so much as a, "I'm proud of you," from anyone. I know.. ridiculous I would even say something like this. Me? I know I seem so flipping confident sometimes, but you know what, I need to hear good stuff too. 

Maybe it's this time of year. Maybe it's transitioning and trying to be all things to all people I care about. Maybe it's being surrounded by pretentious jerks throughout my week... (don't get me started on the scene around here.) Maybe it's realizing that ... oh.. never mind, those people may actually read this stuff. Who knows....

*exhale*

I just needed to vent for a minute. To no one. To some one. Who cares... right?

This too shall pass

When you come to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on. ~Franklin D. Roosevelt

I won't skirt around the issue, I got some bad news about 4 hours ago - I lost my job.

Yep, good old fashioned - got let go.

There is no use sugar coating it, it's what happened. I saw it coming.. b/c let's be honest - no one that works where I worked lasts too long, unless you are at a management level.

It's okay.

Really it is.

Wait.. I think I am going into P.R. mode... I am spinning it to make it look like it is a good thing. To be perfectly honest with you, I feel the way I have felt when someone tells me a loved one has died, or an old boy friend was breaking up with me...

Like your world is falling apart.. but my mind will not let me go there.

I can't even get a good cry out.

That's just how I react.  I sort of go into solutions mode.. so much so that I had 3 people within the hour offer to help me out, or introduce me to someone who might be hiring. As I was driving home from work, I called home - and it had barely been 10 minutes, my sister started asking about jobs for me. I told her, laughing - it's only been 10 minutes.

Which sort of made me laugh, because they know how I am. Solutions mode.

I know without a doubt this is a good thing in the long run. It is. I have said on numerous occasions I felt stuck. God has a way of answering prayers.

Don't feel sorry for me, but I would ask for people to pray for an answer, because at the end of the day - I have to pay for my home and car and have food to eat.  Also, if you know of a job - anywhere in the world (yes, I said world) - that I might be suited for - let me know. I might even be so bold as paste my resume on here one day. ;-)

I am not going to panic yet.

But I might sleep for a few days. ;-)