Putting It Out There

“Waiting hurts. Forgetting hurts. But not knowing which decision to take can sometimes be the most painful...” José N. Harris, MI VIDA: A Story of Faith, Hope and Love 

My mind is clear. 

It has taken months to get to this point. Sometimes the fog clears, and then something comes along and clouds it back up. But I am happy to report, I think I have a plan. Sort of similar to the plan I had a few months before I graduated college.

Back in 1997, I had to make some serious life decisions. I was on the brink of graduating with a Bachelor of Science degree in Broadcast Journalism. I was in a serious relationship for years at this point, and my boyfriend and I were about to embark on our "life" journey. After all of those years of school, odd jobs, and a semi-carefree life, it was time to make those hard decisions. He was from Atlanta, and I was from Macon.

 “You can't make decisions based on fear and the possibility of what might happen.”
― Michelle Obama

I landed an internship at a local TV station in my hometown. It required me to work full time (40 hours a week,) for three months. Did I forget to mention I was was working for free? Yep. But I did it - never once calling in sick and kicking ass and proving myself the entire time. It paid off - I got hired as a producer for the #1 CBS affiliate in the nation. My boyfriend spent that first summer working in a little restaurant slinging pizzas in our college town. His degree was in psychology. He ended up moving to where I was, but unfortunately got stuck selling insurance. 

The problem was - My dream was happening, his was not. 

Our goal was to get our degree and find jobs in our field, preferably in the same town. I got my wish. He did not get his. Our plan B was to move to Europe and teach English as a second language. He ended up leaving to do that. I stayed back working in television. He still lives in Europe. I no longer work in television, but I have found myself back in a journalist position.

Now I have another plan A and B to work through. 

 “If you obsess over whether you are making the right decision, you are basically assuming that the universe will reward you for one thing and punish you for another.

The universe has no fixed agenda. Once you make any decision, it works around that decision. There is no right or wrong, only a series of possibilities that shift with each thought, feeling, and action that you experience.

If this sounds too mystical, refer again to the body. Every significant vital sign- body temperature, heart rate, oxygen consumption, hormone level, brain activity, and so on- alters the moment you decide to do anything… decisions are signals telling your body, mind, and environment to move in a certain direction.”
― Deepak Chopra, The Book of Secrets: Unlocking the Hidden Dimensions of Your Life

You see, I have contracts to hold me over until December... well.. the end of December, and unless I land a full-time job, I'm going to have to make some serious decisions. Yes, I'm interviewing for a few quality jobs, but who knows how that will turn out. If I get something super incredible, then I will go where the doors open. If not, I need to bounce. Literally - bolt out of Macon.

I sort of don't have a choice. I'm doing everything I can, but honestly, it simply could mean God has something else in store for me. I figure I have until January to figure it all out. Granted, I am under a lease until June 30, but I have to let them know if I plan to resign in April. That basically gives me four or so months to pull it together. Which means.. what could plan B be?

I've toyed with the idea of living in Savannah since I was a teenager. I have three fantastic friends who recently moved down there, and they are happy as can be. I have a support system.. sooo.. why not consider it?

But the sky is the limit... you know? I'm ready. I feel like I sort of have one foot in my community and one foot toying the line. I have no idea what is next. 

That's kind of exciting.  


“Don`t be afraid to take a big step when one is indicated. You can`t cross a chasm in two small steps.”
― David Lloyd George