I finally have a day to just.. well.. catch up! Since we had our super busy and SUPER successful Pan African Festival this past week, I was given this day to take off. Luckily, I was able to rest quite a bit yesterday. I slept to about 9:40am (which for me is sleeping in. I naturally wake up around 8ish.) I sat around and watched movies. My niece came to visit (it was her birthday - I was soooo exhausted, I did not even make it to her party. TERRIBLE AUNTIE AWARD.)
I got so much rest, I woke up at 6:30 this morning - bright eyed and bushy tailed (as my dad used to say!)
I figure today is the perfect day to run some errands: Grocery shop, buy souvenirs for my Chicago-area friends, and possibly a little something for me. Tonight I have to meet my "small group" from Leadership Macon, we're working on a little project.
Nothing super new to report out. Things are fairly calm here on the home front. He is minding his own business. I am minding mine. I honestly wish he would just pack his bags and go, no use dragging it out... but I have to remember, I asked the same thing of my first husband.. if he would give me time to find a place. Karma.. you know.
I have prayed that God gives me the strength to handle all of this without completely losing my mind or slipping into the deepest of dark holes - so far, so good.
I just want to be alone - properly alone, for a while. I am not interested in getting back out on the dating scene. I could care less about "meeting" new people, and I pray my friends don't pull some little "chance meeting" with other people either. I don't want to deal with all of that mess. I. Could. Care. Less.
This will be one of the first times in my life, (as an adult,) to just- BE. I want to BE. There is something so delicious in the idea. I get it now - the whole turning 40 and feeling completely secure in who you are and what you want. It's all going to be okay. This is not my first bar-be-que, if you know what I am saying.?
I hope the rest of you going through crazy stuff get what I am saying. People let us down. I do think it is the proper thing to forgive and to keep trying. But sometimes, you just have to say enough is enough. I am glad he finally admitted what I already knew. I am glad we are not in limbo anymore.
Wishing each of you a beautiful week!
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1 comment:
It makes me so sad to know that you're going through all of this at home, and still having to put on your charming hostess persona for work and social events; of course, it's wonderful distraction and escape, but so hard, too. It will do you SO much good to see Leanne - she and her generous heart will take you in and make it all better for a little while. She will shower you with love and kindness, and you will heal a bit.
After I walked out on the horrible, stressful, up/down, shouldn't've done it relationship, I took a year - I call it my "rebuilding year." Just as you describe here, just BE. Heal. Vent. Process. Accept your actions and role, because we always play a part and can't just unburden ourselves by blaming others. Have fun! Make your life what YOU want it to be. You've turned 40, you've got an amazing career, you've made it through the difficult time before finding this new home and new life. And your strength and humor will see you through this, too. There are days when you can't see past the immediate, but truly this is YOUR life and God has extraordinary plans for you ... I trust that implicitly ....
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