Spreading a Little Pixie Dust

Boy oh boy... did I get fired up yesterday by some nonsense.  

However, I went to bed with a clear head and woke up refreshed. Apparently I had one of those deep sleeps where you hardly move - my arm was so dead asleep (from me sleeping on my side,) that it took close to 10 minutes just to get the feeling back in it.

With that being said, tomorrow is the final day of the year. I believe I am closing out 2013 fairly strong. I had to make some hard decisions this year, but I am positioned for success and adventure in the coming year. 

Sure... there is no telling what's to come in 2014. It's full of hope and dreams, and I am sure I will experience my fair share of heartbreak and loss - why? Because it's life. My job is to weather the storm, dig in deep, and roll with the punches.

I got to thinking about all of the good that happened this year. Not the bad. There was a LOT of good. Though, when I write, I tend to share the bad. lol - It's what I do.

I sort of went back through my year... and here is what I remember (highlight wise) of 2013.

January

- I spent New Year's eve with one of my absolute best friends, Margaret!
- I became a Macon Tourism Ambassador - vowing to promote the beautiful attractions and history of Macon. (Which, btw, is really very cool. I mean it.)
- I joined Leadership Macon, Class of 2013, and spent a super cool weekend at Rock Eagle getting to know some of the nicest people in Macon.
- I promoted and fund raised for our largest event - All That Jazz - and did a hell of a good job.
- Got to meet Phil Perry & Pieces of a Dream!

February

- I promoted Death By Chocolate and had a fantastic time at the event
- I promoted Black History Month
- I started back at the gym
- I started Weight Watchers (again) and began to lose what would turn out to be 8 pounds
- I had an epic "Breakfast at Tiffany's birthday party
- Yes, yes.. I turned 40
- I got a raise!
- Began Rosetta Stone in French

March

- I promoted Women's History Month 
- I started a container garden
- I finally got to see Sir Elton John in concert

April

- I promoted a kick ass Pan African Festival
- Was asked for a divorce (which turned out to be a good thing)
- Ended the month on my own - and I didn't die

May

- Spent tons of time with my niece
- Met a wonderful man 

June

- Took a fantastic trip to: Helen, Cherokee, Pigeon Forge/Gatlinburg
- Spent some time at the pool
- My garden flourished
- Promoted and ran an incredible International Taste of Soul

July

- Ended my rebound relationship
- Dated about three other guys (learned to date again)
- The egyptian and I are friends again

August

- Took a fun "girls beach trip" to Hilton Head, SC
- Dated another guy
- Began our Leadership Macon project

September

- Took time off from dating
- Re evaluated my life

October

- Got a roomie!
- Started dating someone new (Big Guy)
- Took a day trip to Savannah with some friends

November

- Celebrated Thanksgiving at my house
- Worked hard to plan for 2014 (work wise)

December

- Celebrated a wonderful Christmas with my family and friends

It's been good. It's been calm. Here is a look back at my year - Warning, there is music... either turn your speakers down, or crank them up!

Christmas 2013... A Look Back

I just finished a week's vacation. I hate to admit it, but it flew by so fast. I was hoping at the end of it, I would be ready to go back to work, but honestly, I feel like I need another week. That's okay.. instead of getting all of the rest I needed, I made memories.

I sat at home, drank Moscato and admired my Christmas tree.

I indulged in a wonderful tea that was presented to me from my friend, Stephanie.

I met up with old, dear friends from my TV days - Gene and Jennifer. They work at a TV station down in West Palm Beach.

I watched as my Christmas tree collapsed on Christmas Eve. Thanks, Salvatore.

I went to my friend Stephanie's home for High Tea. Southern Debutante... clearly. Oh yeah.. and a member of Junior League. (I love giving her hell about it.) lol

Hostess with the Mostess

We each had a place setting and gift.. she polished her grandmother's silver just for us! ;-)

Angel reading her hand written card from Stephanie. Put a bunch of writers in a room and you will get some good stuff. ;-)

My sister painted this for me. We were going for most original gift. It's pretty cool!

Big Guy cooked up a delicious meal for me..

I whipped up some home made waffles and candied bacon one morning for Big Guy and I.

More photos from the tea party...

I went to midnight mass on Christmas Eve

I visited with Lestat... remember Lestat?!

Autumn and I showing off our Best Friends necklaces

Big Guy having his tarot cards read...for the first time.. (by my sister.)

Finally... me and Big Guy chilling out on Christmas Eve..

New Year's Resolution Edition 2013

It's time. Time to make that committment for the New Year. Luckily, I am super realistic (to a fault,) and realize that these are "wishes" and "hopes." My dream is to actually accomplish a few... 

Good news?

I kept them super simple.

What I would like to know in the comment section is, what are some of your "resolutions?"

With that being said...

I, Shauna Nicole Thurston, do solemnly resolve to do the following in 2014:
1. I have a blue jar. Next to the blue jar I will have a post it note pad and pen. Each night, before bed, I will write one thing that was simply amazing about the day. I will then fold the piece of paper and place it in my jar. On New Year's Eve of 2014, I will read each one and realize what an amazing year it was! This jar will have to be by my bed. I understand that I may not always be home, but I will try to remember to bring a post it note pad with me wherever I travel.

2. Rosetta Stone. Picking it back up. Even if it is only one day a week - I will study my French.

3. Ballroom Dance classes start back in mid-January. I bought ballroom dance shoes. I am so ready to commit to more classes! 

4. Yoga. I have all of the gear I need and some good DVDs. I would like to try and practice at least once a week. (Now it's time to purchase a new DVD player.)

5. I have a whole three book course on living a more creative life. I would like to actually follow the books and try some of the tips. Who knows what will come from it!

6. Mass. I want to be more regular with my attendance to mass. Also, I have signed up for the Adoration Chapel every Wednesday night from 9-10pm. Should be a nice time to meditate. Mid-week. 

7. Drink more water. Eat more fruit. Eat more veggies. It's simple, really.

8. Take a pottery class.

9. Cook more.

10. Take a photography class.

11. Purchase a bike, a helmet, and get a bike rack installed.

12. Unplug daily. This is a BIG one for me. I have a plan to disconnect in 2014. It's going to be awesome! (Don't worry.. I'll blog, just won't be online "playing" as much.)

13. Conquering clutter. I plan to simplify even more. 

14. Start saving the old fashioned way. I plan to budget with cash. (What a concept?!) I will get a small safe and have envelopes and mark them and budget accordingly. Once that "topic" is empty.. that's all I have!

15. Take a gun safety course. Purchase pepper spray. I work on a fairly deserted corner of downtown, and sometimes leave work late. It's time to arm.

16. Prioritize Sleep. Take naps. Rest. Rest. Rest.

17. I'm going to attempt to kick the diet soda habit. I typically only order them when I go out to eat, or maybe pick up one a day, however it's time to stop it once and for all.

18. Quit saying I'm sorry.

19. Do one pampering thing a month for myself (facial, massage, etc.)

20. Finally, to Pray more. 

Simple as that. 

I've Got A Vent... What's New?

By no fault of her own, my roomie said something last night that I wish every woman would quit saying...

"You have a strong personality."

No, we were not arguing. We were discussing relationships with men and personality traits. I was sharing with her that my newest "love" interest (Big Guy,) made a comment about me trying to be the "man" in the relationship. Uh yeah.

Not the first time I have heard that.

Then my roomie gave me the "kiss of death" (as I like to call it..) 

Here's what I have to say:

Women, stop telling other women (especially those that carry themselves with confidence,) that we have a strong personality. 

That's a girl on girl crime, if you ask me.

Alluding to women who are confident, having an opinion, are full of knowledge, knowing what they want and knowing how to get it, and are NOT afraid to say NO... are often categorized as women trying to be men or having a "strong" personality.

Earlier that same day, I was chatting with a guy I spent some time with (dating/friends.. whatever,) anyway.. and I told him what had happened. He said to me, "Nicole, you never made me feel like you were trying to be controlling, or hateful, or were trying to be a "man." That's all coming from a place of insecurity when someone says something like that."

Huh.

You're are damn straight.

A confident person would not see a "strong woman" as a bad thing. I have an education, I have experience, I am over 40, I can take care of me... this is NOT a bad thing. 

Granted, there may be another situation where there is a lack of balance in the relationship. I am more educated (than all of the people I mentioned in this.) I have more success from a career standpoint. I have experienced love and loss and I won't settle for less than what I deserve. Perhaps that can be intimidating... but that is not necessarily a bad thing.

The good news is, I chatted with Big Guy and it basically boiled down to what I thought, he feels a little bit like a fish out of water in my world. He's a blue collar worker, and does quite well for himself, but he is not used to the pressure and stress of the politics of my world. That's okay. It's not every one's cup of tea. Hell, that's 75% of the reason I enjoy his company, it's refreshing to be in his world. Much. More. Simple.

Striking a balance, accepting who I am and not being ashamed of any success I have earned is something I need to work on in the New Year. (I was even hesitant to type success, afraid it may turn people off... where does this come from??) 

I don't like it. I think we should be able to celebrate who we are and everything we have accomplished. 

**Nicole steps down off her soap box.**

Regaining

Art work by Claudia Tremblay

Ever since I was in middle school, I have sought out how to calm my mind. I've mentioned it in numerous blog posts that I suffer from Panic Disorder. Yes, it's an actual mental disorder. According to the NIMH (National Institute of Mental Health)

"People with panic disorder have sudden and repeated attacks of fear that last for several minutes. Sometimes symptoms may last longer. These are called panic attacks. Panic attacks are characterized by a fear of disaster or of losing control even when there is no real danger. A person may also have a strong physical reaction during a panic attack. It may feel like having a heart attack. Panic attacks can occur at any time, and many people with panic disorder worry about and dread the possibility of having another attack.
A person with panic disorder may become discouraged and feel ashamed because he or she cannot carry out normal routines like going to the grocery store or driving. Having panic disorder can also interfere with school or work."

Luckily, I am not on medication, nor do I require any. Sure, it would be easier, but considering the fact that I have lived with this since I was 8 years old, it's suffice to say that I have it under control. I have learned coping mechanisms.. and today, I'm going to share those with you.

I became interested in meditation in high school. After reading a few books at the age of 13 on Panic Attacks and Panic Disorder, I figured out quickly that it was all about finding balance and calming the mind. As I got a little older, and the weird 1970's "meditation" books about transcendental meditation were replaced with meditation for the every day "stressed out person" in the 80s, I was able to get a better grasp on what it could do for me. By the time I was in college, I bought a meditation pillow, some yoga videos, and began this quest to calm the mind.

Then life happened. I walked away from it all.

Then I picked it up again. Only to walk away from it all.

I want to go back there. I want to find that inner sanctuary and get a good handle on everything. I have removed what needed to be removed. I have simplified. I have a good support system. I'm situated to be successful in the process.

And boy oh boy, is it a process.

I want to share with you some of the things I find useful and helpful. Again, I am a flawed individual with tons of stressors and outside influences, but I try... and that's all you have to do to become successful at this. Think of it as a little cognitive behavior therapy. ;-)

 

I always thought that this greeting is the most beautiful way to view other people. If you ever share something with me and I do a slight bow and hold my hands up in a praying position... I am basically saying this to you. So many people think I am being silly.. but I mean it.

This was the biggest lesson I learned in 2012. I read so many of Lao Tzu's writings, and realized that people have inner wars they are battling and sometimes they spill out and onto others. It is our responsibility to remain calm in the storm.

My number one source for peace is my faith. I am a Catholic.. and yes, we are Christian (the originals.. the be exact.) Our faith has changed very little in the 2,000+ years since Christ. Here is a beautiful figure of Jesus and the Sacred Heart. Devotion to the Sacred Heart (also known as the Most Sacred Heart of Jesus) is one of the most widely practiced and well-known devotions, taking Jesus Christ's physical heart as the representation of his divine love for humanity.

This devotion is predominantly used in the Catholic Church and among some high-church Anglicans and Lutherans. The devotion especially emphasizes the  love, compassion, and long-suffering of the heart of Christ towards humanity. The Sacred Heart is often depicted in Christian art as a flaming heart shining with divine light, pierced by the lance-wound, encircled by the crown of thorns, surmounted by a cross and bleeding. Sometimes the image is shown shining within the bosom of Christ with his wounded hands pointing at the heart. The wounds and crown of thorns allude to the manner of Jesus' death, while the fire represents the transformative power of divine love.

The Chakras. Oh I often joke about my Chakras being out of balance.. but you know, there is some truth to all of this. In Hindu metaphysical and tantric/yogic traditions and other belief systems chakras are points or knots, in the human body. They are located at the physical counterparts of the major plexuses of arteries, veins and nerves. Various scriptural texts and teachings present a different numbers of chakras. There are many chakras in the subtle human body according to the tantric texts, but there are 7 chakras which are considered to be the most important ones. The 7 Chakras are the energy centers in our body in which energy flows through. Blocked energy in our 7 Chakras can often lead to illness so it's important to understand what each Chakra represents and what we can do to keep this energy flowing freely. To learn more, click HERE.

Now I mentioned that I am Catholic, and I wanted to find an easy to read diagram of what that means. Unfortunately, this is not so easy to read, but the pin on my board is. You can find it HERE , If you have always wondered what all it means to be a Catholic... here you go. It keeps me grounded. Luckily, the new Pope is helping lead some much needed change in the Church and I am proud, once again, to be Catholic.

Sweet, beautiful Mary. I often feel a little bad for my Protestant brothers and sisters, whose tradition has almost all but stripped the honoring of Jesus's mother away. Unfortunately, so many people think we "worship" her, and we do not. Catholics hold saints in esteem because they are such wonderful images or mirrors of Christ. Paul several times exhorts his readers to be imitators of him: "Be imitators of me, as I am of Christ" (1 Cor 11:1, also Phil 3:17, 1 Cor 4:16).
Mary is the first saint, and holds high honor today, as she did in the early Church. Over the course of history, devotion to Mary has taken many forms, and even has been confused with worship. Church teaching has consistently placed Mary in the company of the saints, however.

Devotion to the saints comes back to the theology of image: Christ is God's image, the saints are Christ's image. We honor them because we desire to imitate them. We pray to them the same as we call upon earthly friends to do a favor for us. This too, is scriptural. In Acts we read of Peter and John going up to the Temple for prayer and encountering a beggar. Peter says to him, "I have neither silver nor gold, but what I do have I give you: in the name of Jesus Christ the Nazorean, rise and walk" (Acts 3:6). Peter makes it clear that he has the power of Christ in his possession. 

To be sure, it is Jesus who heals, but Peter holds the right to extend that power. The same can be said of Paul. In Acts 19:11-12 we read, "So extraordinary were the mighty deeds God accomplished at the hands of Paul that when face cloths or aprons that touched his skin were applied to the sick, their diseases left them and the evil spirits came out of them." These texts are the basis of the Catholic practice of asking saints to help us, of honoring (not worshiping) the bodies and relics of saints.

If you have ever been in my office, you've seen my Zen Garden. I love to rake the sand around the little rocks. It calms my mind and helps me focus. Just what is a Zen Garden? Japanese rock gardens got their western name because of the tranquil nature of the garden, which encourage meditation and a Zen-like atmosphere. Zen, which is a school of Buddism, is interpreted by many Westerners to mean a state of introspection and enlightenment achieved by deep meditation. The first reference to the Zen garden can be found in 100 Gardens of Kyoto by Loraine Kuck, published in 1935. Zen gardens have become a part of the stress relieving product industry, with much smaller versions available to the public. These may be considered as a somewhat watered down version of the true art of rock gardening, but they are popular nonetheless. A desktop garden is made up of a small tray with rocks, sand, and a miniature rake. The armchair gardener can then place the rocks anywhere the mood strikes, and rake the sand to his heart’s content. While it may not induce the deep meditation a real Japanese rock garden can help achieve, it may provide a little bit of the calming diversion a person needs to get through the day.

Another big part of calming my mind is through meditation. There are a bazillion different forms. Do your research and figure out what would work best for you.

I think this is some of the best advice. You know, even though Buddha did not acknowledge a "God," it is important to recognize that some of the teachings help people identify the beauty, the simplicity, and the vibrancy of the world. We do need to take a moment from time to time.. and just laugh. It's only life, after all. None of us will get out of it alive. ;-)

Do you keep symbols in your home as a reminder to relax? A cross, perhaps? Special quotes or meditations? Photos of your family and loved ones? I try to surround myself with pictures and items to remember that everything is going to be okay. No fear. I always that that this meditative statue was a perfect example. It reminds me to sit.. be thankful.. and just breathe.

Speaking of breath.. this is apparently the only way to truly get a grip. Have you ever been so anxious that you felt like you could not take a deep breath? Yep. There are some simple meditations out there that are centered around breathing. I used these to ease the symptoms of panic. It works... oh how it works..

I am big on taking a nice hot bath. I also believe in pampering your body. Our little "house" works hard for us, and we need to take as good of care of it as possible. Here are some wonderful "at home" beauty treatments. I have tried most of these and it's wonderful.

Good stuff. The Dalai Lama is brilliant. Pick up some of his books, you won't be disappointed.

I love this meme. I have (for years) flipped to the back of my bible to seek out certain words (fear, pain, sorrow, love..) and would read the corresponding Word in order to calm my mind. I hope this helps you. If you have never touched a Bible.. give this a whirl. It might just change your life.

I am all about understanding the circle of life.. the energy we put out there and how Karma works. I often wear a bracelet that says "Karma." I want to be clear about something.... I NEVER SEEK TO HARM. I never want Karma to "bite someone." No... by thinking that, I have brought harm to myself. All I can do is send love and light.

I often tell this to friends when they are upset. I try to remember this when I am upset. When I was going through my divorce, people were shocked to find that after everything that happened, that I remained friends with my ex. This is why.

Finally, the lotus. If I ever decide to get another tattoo.. I assure you, it will more than likely be a lotus blossom. Do you know the story behind the lotus? The lotus flower represents one symbol of fortune in Buddhism. It grows in muddy water, and it is this environment that gives forth the flower’s first and most literal meaning: rising and blooming above the murk to achieve enlightenment. The second meaning, which is related to the first is purification. It resembles the purifying of the spirit which is born into murkiness. The third meaning refers to faithfulness. Those who are working to rise above the muddy waters will need to be faithful followers.

The color bears importance in the meaning of the lotus flower in Buddhism. A white lotus flower refers to purity of the mind and the spirit. If a lotus flower is red, it refers to compassion and love. The blue lotus flower refers to the common sense; it uses wisdom and logic to create enlightenment. The pink lotus flower represents the history of Buddha and the historical legends of the Buddha. A purple lotus flower speaks of spirituality and mysticism. Finally, the gold lotus flower represents all achievement of all enlightenment, especially in the Buddha.

The stage of growth the lotus flower is in represents a different stage of enlightenment. A closed lotus flower represents the time before a Buddhist follower found Buddha or enlightenment. A lotus flower fully bloomed and open represents full enlightenment and self-awareness.

The mud represents an importance in the meaning of the lotus flower in Buddhism. All humans are born in a world where there is suffering. This suffering is a vital part of the human experience; it makes us stronger and teaches us to resist the temptation of evil. When we banish evil thoughts from our mind we are able to break free of the muddy water and become one with the Buddha. The mud shows us who we are and teaches us to choose the right path over the easy one.

Finally, the lotus flower represents rebirth, both in a figurative and a literal sense. The rebirth can be a change of ideas, an acceptance of Buddha where there once was none, the dawn after one’s darkest day, a renaissance of beliefs or the ability to see past wrongs. In a literal sense, the meaning of the lotus flower in Buddhism represents rebirth as a reincarnation, such as in the Buddhist religion, when a soul leaves this world in its present form to be reborn in another.


If you are interested in me writing more about anything in particular (on this subject,) simply email me - snicoleabdou@gmail.com

Hope you are having a wonderful holiday! BREATHE! 

Forgiveness, Truth, and Looking For a Sign

" In the end, I've come to believe in something I call "The Physics of the Quest." A force in nature governed by laws as real as the laws of gravity. The rule of Quest Physics goes something like this: If you're brave enough to leave behind everything familiar and comforting, which can be anything from your house to bitter, old resentments, and set out on a truth-seeking journey, either externally or internally, and if you are truly willing to regard everything that happens to you on that journey as a clue and if you accept everyone you meet along the way as a teacher and if you are prepared, most of all, to face and forgive some very difficult realities about yourself, then the truth will not be withheld from you. " ~ Liz Gilbert

Though the quote above seems more like the perfect "New Year's Resolution," it sort of rang true for the Christmas season. 

There is something incredibly therapeutic about the night before Christmas. For those of us who are Christians, our "Savior," the one we have waited for, is finally born. What is more inspiring than a new birth? A clean slate, a new beginning. That's sort of what we will all experience tonight. Peace on our little slab of Earth, even if it just within the walls of your home, or if your home is in an uproar, maybe you can close your eyes and find peace within. But it's there - yours for the taking.

Christ represents a purification of our spirits. We are told that if we believe in him, we will have everlasting life. That is the ultimate forgiveness. If God can forgive me, why can't I forgive myself.. for all of the mistakes I have made, for all of the hurt I have caused, and more importantly, how I have hurt myself by not releasing any guilt or anger I have held onto for so long. 

Christ represents the ultimate truth. Regardless of whether you believe he is the Son of God, or rose from the dead, the truth is, he taught us to love one another, above all else. If we all just treated each other with respect and showed loving kindness and compassion, there would be the ultimate peace on Earth - thus.. the Ultimate Truth. 

And finally, the Wise Men, who were thought to be three Kings from the Orient, traveled across the desert, following the Star of David (the sign,) to find the Christ child. Perhaps we should see Christmas the same way, a time to search for the signs that God gently reveals, if we dare stop to look and listen.

I hope this Christmas night (regardless of your belief system or faith,) will seek to forgive, look for your personal truth, and continue to quiet your mind and allow your "sign" to be revealed.  

Oh My Goodness - Where Did The Time Go?

I can hardly believe the end of the year is already here. We are just days away from wrapping up 2013, and of course, I begin to think back over everything that has happened to me. 

At the end of the day, it was a good year. Yes, I got divorced. But that's not exactly a bad thing. (It's not a good thing either.) However, we all know it was necessary. Yes, I lost a few friends (as in death,) and that's always tragic. But I also believe they have served their purpose on earth and it was time to move on. I stayed fairly healthy, no major concerns. I met a new guy and things are going well. My social life is full, my family life is good, and all of my needs are met. 

Yes, 2013 is good.

With that in mind, I need to come up with my word for the year. My friend, Leanne, at From Chaos Comes Happiness, encourages us to pick a theme word for the year. I've been contemplating what this year's word will be. I've tried balance. I've kept the momentum. I was inspired. What can I possibly do this year?

Maybe that's it... Do. But what would that be? Ah.. I know - Action. ?? Take action. Stop making excuses.

Hmmm.. not sure.

What about Dream? Nah.. over done.

Not sure. Not sure.

I'll work on it this week...

What is your word? If you've never picked one, give it a try. Treat it like a mantra, and live accordingly.

Stay tuned!

Dear Santa, 2013 Edition

Dearest Santa,

I have been really, REALLY good this year. I exhibited patience, when really I wanted to strangle people. I exhibited positive energy, when really I wanted to do was sleep. I even went so far as to adopt two shelter cats, which may or may not be the reason I won't get my deposit back on my apartment.

With all of that being said, I do have a few items to request. They are quite simple, really.
Here is my pictorial list:

These shoes. I have been eyeballing them all year. Perfect, perfect, perfect.

Could I be more in love with a necklace? I don't think so. It sort of covers the whole gambit of beliefs. Adorable for warding off the evil eye!

I have this completely irrational fear of driving off a bridge - this little contraption may be the perfect thing - it's cuts your seat belt and allows you to crash a window out.

Did you hear a hallelujah chorus? I did.

I am completely digging this banana bowl. Obsessed with it, really.

I would be a happy girl with this bag. I think it is adorable.

As much as I LOVE my hot bubble baths each night (as I read,) I would love to have a bathside table.

This is beautiful. It's from the Catholic Company.. I would love to wear this. GREAT gift (family) - hint hint.. and I think it's under $30

So we have this rule at the apt about grills.. BUT.. I bet I could sneak this bad boy and use it. LOVE the concept.

I found the bathing suit I want for next year!!

This is perfect for my bedside table!

I need to print this and send it to my hair dressser.. I am totally digging the color. I think this may be next.

I've been wanting new dinnerware.. I love this botanical set.

This just brings out the little girl in me! I WANT!

I think I found the perfect dress for All That Jazz. Of course... I won't look like THAT in it.. but I love it.

I WANT THESE BOOTS.

Perfect for me.

This would be PERFECT for my bedroom.

Because Wonder Woman needs an apron.

Is this not precious? I love the color.

Finally - for the cast iron skillet. Those handles get HOT!