No Real Purpose - Just a Journey

I am very lucky to have so many creative friends. Many are extremely talented artists, photographers, thespians, musicians, dancers, and writers. When I place this label amongst my circle, I do not mean this is what they do for fun, I mean this is what they do. 

I believe that I was quite lucky to grow up in a home that encouraged creativity. It makes it that more fun when you see other friends, later in their life, discover that they had this knack for creating beautiful pieces of art, or they can assemble some crafty object, or they figure out they have an innate talent for performance. It's like a whole new world has opened up for them, and they simply just can't get enough. 

I sort of view that like the adult who never grew up with any form of spiritual direction. These are the people that may or may not have gone to church, and then as an adult they found their way and now they want to shout it from the rooftops. Again, I feel completely blessed to have been brought up in a home that actually went to church each Sunday. 

With all of that being said, having a well rounded life is essential to the quality of life you create for yourself. I think it's never to late to learn, become, renew, transcend to what may be nesting deep inside of you.

When I look around at the ways I try to be more creative, or spiritual, or whatever it is I need to make my life more pleasant, I try to hone in on what my purpose is. 

But therein lies the problem - I don't think there is a clear path just yet. Take this blog, for example. I don't really have a theme. Nothing that will catapult me to "blogger extraordinaire" status. I write about my life, which in all honesty is not incredibly interesting. That's why I call this little online journal - Destination Unknown. I have no idea where I am going with this thing. I don't have a niche, because personally, I can't be put inside a box. (And let's be honest for a minute, nobody puts baby in the corner.) I want to always be evolving. I don't want to be known as a Macon Blogger (because, God willing, this is not my final destination.) I don't want to be known as a mommy blogger (well, that's not going to happen, because, I simply don't breed.) I don't want to be known as a travel blogger, or an art blogger, or a mental illness blogger, or an expert in any particular subject. I want to write about what I see, what I hear, what I taste, how I feel, and most importantly, what that all means in the grand scheme of things.

My writer friends all have a niche. I don't. Truth be told - I don't want it. I just want to experience the journey, not get confined to any one way or the other. I want to express myself - HERE. Because the truth is, I am not allowed that option very often in my daytime world. I work in Public Relations/Marketing/Media Relations. Not only that, I have one of those positions in our downtown arts community that requires you to be a bit of a cheerleader (something I always roll my eyes at.) I love my community, but I was never a fan of kool-aid. 

Recently there was an initiative to get the creatives in town to intervene and encourage others to be playful. Seriously. I am now a member of the Macon League of Creative Interventionists, and the people in this group are seriously some of my favorite people in town. I say that honestly. Everyone had a beautiful spirit about the project potential, and it was nice to be around this group of caring, yet fun individuals. The people with the less than stellar attitude, thank goodness, were a no show. It gave me a little hope, that while I embark on the theme word of the blog this year (LIVE,) that there will be some opportunity for me to do so in a more imaginative way.

So a new chapter approaches this spring. I'm going solo in the love arena, I am content with my place at home. Work is going well - a little stressful, but nothing I can't handle. No crazy goals, just trying to get it done. A lot of moving pieces, you know? Last night, my roomie came home with some margarita mix and I was happy as a lark. We sat on the balcony, with the cool breeze and warm Georgia sun setting in the back ground. 

We chatted and laughed. We listened to music. Then we came inside, curled up in our respective chairs, ate a little dinner and watched "American Hustle."

Folks - this is a good place to be. I'm blessed beyond measure - with a ton more of good stuff in store. It is not easy, and more often than not, I hope and pray that I will find that someone to share everything with... but for now, I'm in a good place. I am peaceful.. with no real purpose, just a traveler on a journey. 

Weirdest Weekend Ever

It started out fairly normal... except for the fact that I was completely sort of up and down with the break up thing. I think it hit me harder than I realized. Made me... well.. feel a bit down and a wee bit insecure.

What the hell, right?

Yeah.

So my roomie and I sat on our balcony and drank red wine.

Last Wednesday night we just rehashed the crazy week. We were both newly single, sort of feeling down in the dumps and did not know what to do with ourselves. (Insert song here... heck.. I'll do it for you...

Okay.. I digress..

We did solve a few of the world's problems. Not to mention, it was a damn fine Cabernet (a birthday gift.)

Thursday... was feeling a bit morose. Mentioned in on FB.. and my friend, Amber, stopped by with a cup of coffee and some laughs. 

It put a smile on my face..

Did I forget to mention? Zen Kitty turned 1 on Thursday! I gave him a fluffy bed, cat treats, and a cat nip party!

 Friday was just too much... so I worked from home and took it super easy.

It took a little therapy to turn me around.. the Hummus and Zatar chip kind!

on Saturday, the light of my life stopped by. She was super excited to be kidnapping my bed for her new bedroom in her new house with my sister!

The boys got in on all of the action

This is the result. Autumn's new room.... a bizarre little 7 year old.

Saturday night involved a few shenanigans

Saw my friend Keith's band perform at Billy's #southboundmojo

The roomie and I

Late night snacks at Dough Boy's Pizza

Sunday was a little lazy. The egyptian delivered my birthday present - a whole new bed!

I went for doughnuts.. because.. it's not like any of that was confusing or anything. lol

Then today.. oh sweet Jesus... today.

I actually got 11 hours sleep last night. Got up, felt divine, drove to work. No one was working today.. not really... and I had all of this energy to do nothing with.

BUT... there was a mishap. My new car has a leaky sunroof (they think) - and is at the shop. JOYS.

Then when I got home... I was so looking forward to cooking my Chicken a La Paris... and I did.. or so I thought.

I set the oven to Bake and I THOUGHT I put the oven on 350. I could have sworn I did. But somehow.. someway .. it was on Broil. Needless to say, between the smoke, the smell, and the 500 apt alarms going off.. I figured it out and killed it.

There was something else today.. but it was just too weird to even write. I'll keep that one for one on one conversations.

Ugh... Wake me when 2014 ends.

Things I Have Learned This Week

1. Shopping is really incredible therapy. Though, this is something I have known for a long time, it took recent events to sort of remind me just how sweet it is.

2. A good eyebrow waxing can make all the difference. Don't believe me? Go try it.

3. Sleeping has become a hobby for me.

4. It hurt being replaced so quickly, just like last time and the time before. I'm beginning to wonder if I am even someone that has anything to offer someone else. Whatever.

5. Burts Bees is still one of my favorite brands. Support them if you can.

6. I need to do something about the weight again. Probably the eating portion of it all. I gained a few this week.. I'm sure it's just situational.. but...

7. My bullshit tolerance is super low these days. The older I get - the less I can put up with.

8. This break up was a little harder than I expected. It's the longest relationship I have had since the egyptian. Almost 6 months. That's not exactly easy. I was never in love, but I think the whole loss bit is a little tough to swallow. Man.. dating in your 40s is NO FUN.

9. Add to that dating someone who is Bipolar and has Borderline Personality Disorder. THAT was a trip. Yeah.. he was NOT on his meds. It's best it ended. Things were getting.. weird.

10. Finally - I'm trying. As always. I'm also just putting it out there. All part of the process. Breathe in.. Breathe out...

Imaginary Limitations

Today feels like a breath of fresh air! Perhaps the rain sort of washed away the pain, the disappointment, the discouragement I've sort of been toying with. 

I have closure with the guy. Last night, I got my key back and a few other things, and we parted as "friends." Though, I'm not sure if that will be the case for us. It's nice to handle things maturely, unlike rebound guy (who.. by the way... the first one I dated, has since gotten engaged. lol.)

 I came home last night, did a little junk food binge (I was being funny about it, I told my room mate I wanted to try emotional eating... once I finished I looked at her and said.. yeah.. I'm good.) 

My roomie ended things with her beau also. She was quite sad about it, but felt that her emotional needs were not being met, so she wanted to end it before they began to resent one another.

At one point we looked at each other and said, "Sooooo... this means we are actually both single at the same time." We got this wicked smile and began to laugh uncontrollably.

In other words - Bring on Spring & Summer fun!

I'm finally at a place where I am okay where I am. I needed to get out there and see what was up. I needed to feel pretty and wanted again. Now... well.. now I am just okay with me.

It takes a lot of energy to be in a relationship. Dating can be equally stressful and fun, and meeting people for the first time can cause you to question everything about yourself.

I don't like how that feels. Which means, I need to just chill out and let nature takes it course.

No worries, I'm not the type of girl to sit at home and pine for days long since passed. I get out and I live life. It's just this whole transition, this growth process had to take place. 

I'm 41. I'm divorced. I'm successful - but I have experienced failure. 
I like this. I like this about me. 

I have a story. I have a life, and it's only going to get better!

Dodging Bullets

We've all dodged a bullet or two in our time. Maybe it was deciding not to wear those super high stilettos to the party that happened to have a slick marble floor, or maybe it was passing on the chicken dish that happened to have something in it you are allergic to, but was not aware it was in the dish. Time and time again, little disasters are averted by a mysterious force.

I call that force - God. Maybe I would even go so far as to say my Guardian Angels are at work, but whatever the case may be, my life was spared some type of hardship along the way.

It's not always so easy as hoping and praying, because I do believe that God/the universe/whatever you want to call it does allow certain things to happen to us, in order to help us grow and to prepare us for something on down the road.

I dodged a big bullet apparently. Yet again, God had to step in, and make an executive decision when it comes to my future. Yes, it deals with the guy, and yes, as it turns out, I this bullet was pretty darn complicated. Lots of issues.. when I say LOTS of issues, I mean some serious issues. 

I also realize that I need to make sure I take things super slow in the future. Those first few months are kind of like the probationary period in a job. We all put on our best face for the interview and the "getting to know you" part, but the rest can be a slippery slope.

I am learning so much in this new chapter of mine. I cannot express how interesting life has gotten for me. Maybe it's the age, maybe it's where I am physically, mentally, spiritually - but there is very little room for bullshit and I am being super realistic with everything that I encounter.

Life is this amazing journey, isn't it? I find inspiration is hiding behind every corner, and now that some of the "blocks" are being pushed aside, I can think clearly again and begin a new.

What bullets have your dodged lately?

It Started With Coffee

Hindsight is 20/20. I wish I could have seen how wonderful the week ahead was going to be. Yes, it ended very well.

The photo to the left was taken about 5 hours before my boyfriend of 5 months ended things. 

He had met someone new.

Kinda the story of my life.

But that's okay.

Because in those moments, I like to think of it as the calm before the storm, I was incredibly happy. Drinking coffee, soaking up some sunshine, and reading a book.

I was okay.

I'm still okay.

Heck - I'm better than okay.

Here is my week in photos:

After the devastating news, I remember looking down at this beautiful boy, thinking, I do have someone that loves me. Without a doubt - my Salvatore.

Then I looked across the room and saw this little fellow - and I captured that moment. He also makes me smile.

On Monday, I took the egyptian to see the inside of the our new museum. It's under construction. He and I were having a business meeting (about a sponsorship,) and I wanted to share with him how far our museum has come.

As we walked through the building, he reminded me of how far I have come. Though it should not matter what he had to say, it was nice to hear.

He treated me to lunch at Michael's on Mulberry and then I headed over to the Macon Bibb CVB and purchased this beautiful scarf for the Cherry Blossom Festival. It made me smile. 

Later in the week, I was able to start my little seedlings. Salvatore helped. 

Friday, I was invited to attend the Central High School Black History Month program. Here is the incredibly talented Hayiya Dance Theatre performing.

Did I forget to mention I was the key note speaker? Oh yeah.. ;-)

I actually took some time this week to completely clean my balcony of the dead plants, and dust everything off.

While cooking phenomenal dinners all week, I made a point to stop and just unwind. Pink Moscato.

Friday night I met my coworkers, Tonya & Jeff down at the SoChi gallery on 2nd Street for the opening reception of the exhibit - "Celebrities & Serial Killers." As always, our friend Terrell Sandefur did a phenomenal job.

SoChi Gallery

After SoChi, I walked up a few blocks to the Macon Arts Alliance Gallery. I can't remember the name of the show - but there were beautiful pieces of pottery and incredible color all around.

I loved running into David and Steven. David is in charge of events at the Hay House, and Steven is the downtown CVB Manager. They are too of the sweetest southern gentlemen that I know!

Outside of The Gallery with Jonathon (the Communications Director for Macon Arts Alliance,) Tonya (my friend and co worker,) and Kelly (my friend and local chef/musician.) We were referring to them as the bald brigade.

After Gallery hopping, we popped on over to Acapulco for dinner. I had a lovely margarita on the rocks.

My coworkers, Jeff (the Curator,) and Tonya (Dir. of Education) at Acapulco

My friend Kelly and I at Alcapulco

Next we popped on over to Roasted and enjoyed PLOYD (the DJ) and Turkish Coffee

Kelly and Tonya hanging out!

Saturday morning started off perfect also. The weather was sunny and in the 70s. My roomie, Lynn and I, started our day off at Market City Cafe for Brunch. After brunch, we headed to Smiley's Flear market for those random finds.

Then we drove the small town north of Macon, Forysth and enjoyed the Forsythia Festival

We enjoyed some incredible lemonades from this one stand - I had the mint green tea lemonade. Then we sampled fudge, bought hot boiled peanuts, and some art. Afterwards, we made our way to Papouli's the incredible Greek restaurant for dinner.  And we finished the night off with shopping at River's Crossing and renting Dallas Buyer's Club from Amazon.

A little bit of Sunday morning love. I like to idea of laying around in the morning reading.. well.. there is Salvatore enjoying it also.

Zen, forever the sweet boy in the window

He has to be right next to me. I was having breakfast. lol

Believe it or not - he is getting better at standing still for pics. Can you believe how much he has grown in just three days he will be 1 years old!

I forgot to add that Thursday night, I joined the egyptian and his friends for dinner. Kofta was on the menu. It's nice that he and I can be friendly, and not hate one another. It's different, I know. But really - it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.

Finally, just yesterday, I joined 5 of the most remarkable women in Macon for a tea party at Stephanie's home.

Stephanie was the hostess with the mostess. She is an advertising/marketing professor at Mercer University

Incredible breads with spreads

Yolanda owns her own marketing firm and is a local spoken word artist

Koryn serves on a bazillion committees and works for an educational tour company, and Stacey is a minister at a local Methodist church.

Angel is a freelance writer

How was your week? I lived. What about you?