I am.

This morning started off a little shaky for me. All over some coffee creamer.

Long story.

But I sat here, staring at the computer screen, trying to come up with something to write about.

Typically, I would go into a tirade on personal space versus gratitude- particularly on today's fiasco. But because I am trying to be more conscious of how much I "share" with you, I am holding back.

Again, long story.

As I continued pondering, and just trying to shake off the bad mood blues, I came across this quote: You are a result of your experiences. Why regret who you have become?

I love it.

I think over the past few months, I am more and more aware of who "I" am, than ever before. Try sitting through numerous interviews, being asked a bazillion questions about who you are and why you are the way you are, and about everything you have ever done. Even when going through the unemployment process for unemployment benefits - explaining who you are, where you live, and your life choices. Then there is immigration, where my husband and I have to explain why we choose one another, and in turn, have to prove our love over and over to government officials. Always the same questions. Why and How?

At the end of the day, I am who I am, and I act the way I do - because of my past experiences. The choices I have made are mine alone. The words I use, the tone I intend, the extent of what I share with you here - all make up me.

I often think we try to fit a certain mold for people in our life. If our significant other is looking for a certain type of companion, we try to become those pieces that are not a part of our selves. At work, if we are trying for a promotion, we tend to want to incorporate more of the skill set that "they" may be looking for. All of this may be happening in a way to improve ourselves, then again, are we just trying to fill in the blank for our lack of experience with a certain aspect of life?

If you are your experiences, what does that make you?

Four little words

Laura Rowe Photography

Four little words can send me singing - "I love you, too."

Thanks Mr. E.

I needed that today.
Let's just say - my love cup is running over today.

Not just today - even last night - WOW. Miracles abound my friends.

I met up with one of my oldest friends from school, someone I always thought was a really nice person, and boy oh boy, did she show me how to treat others last night.

She has been reading from a far, not letting me know she actually knew what was going on with me. I never actually know out of my "friends" and other what I call "face to face" people I know, if they are actually reading this thing. Apparently - she was. But she let me go on and just share some of the highlights.

Then out of no where, a miracle appeared. She had a Christmas bag for me, and of course I open it and I found some wonderful chocolate truffles. I was thrilled, it was so thoughtful, and hell - who couldn't use some chocolate to induce the endorphins. But after a little more laughing, I thought when I pulled them out that I saw a card, so I looked in and you will not believe what I found. It was a Visa gift card, and I am not going to disclose how much it was for, but let's just say, it was more than generous.

I looked at her and said, "WHAT? I can't accept this." Then she turned to me and said, "This is what Christians and friends do." I reluctantly accepted it, and told her, "This will come back to your three fold."

Ironically, all of this took place about 40 minutes after I pushed send on the previous post titled - Naughty or Nice.

If you read that, then you know what I am talking about.

Well, this morning, I decided to go to Mickey D's and treat myself to a Peppermint Mocha and buy my little niece a happy meal and let her play on the playground. It's something so small, something I would never have batted an eye at before, but when you are pretty much flat broke, it meant something to me.

As Autumn was running to play on the slide, when she came back the table, I simply smiled at her and continued scrolling on my phone, she just said as simply as possible, "I love you." I winked at her.

Then an opportunity arose that I would be able to "pay it forward" in a very, VERY small way. But I think it might have made a lasting impact on a 5 year old.

She ran up to me with one quarter and one dime and said, "Hey, Auntie Cole, look at this - look what I found. Let's keep it!"


I stared at the thirty five cents thinking to myself, "Well... I could always use an extra quarter." But instead, I told Autumn,

"Hey, Auttie Blossom - that does not belong to us. Instead of keeping it, why don't we go put it in the little container that collects money for the Ronald McDonald house." Of course, she had no idea what I was talking about, then I explain how the Ronald McDonald house works, and she got excited.

As we were getting ready to leave, she put the two coins in the container, and of course, no one noticed or thanked her, but she looked up at me and smiled.

A few hours later, when we got home, she proudly explained to her mom, my mom & dad and even talked to me about it again about how she helped the sick kids and their families.

I guess, a life lesson was taught. By someone showing me great kindness, I, in turn, was able to spend some quality time with my 5 year old niece, shared with her about giving back to those in need, and somehow, somewhere, that money will support one of the houses with whatever it needs.

I am learning now as someone unemployed, those quarters add up. ;-)