The results are not in.. but all signs point tooooo...

Blood pressure.

Looks like my blood pressure is tipping toward the high end again. My diastolic is high (that's the bottom number) the top is normal.

Stress and sodium may the culprit. Not sure. One thing is for certain - it's not helping.

Had some blood tests to check on some other items, just to see if everything is running the way it should.

Geez.

I need a break. Not a dirt break. But just some peace of mind. For once.

I think the review yesterday simply did not help. Now that I have had time to process all that was said, I am a little baffled. No - a lot baffled.

Then I find out that someone else had a similar review - with vastly different results. Results I feared.

WOW.

When I worked for GSMG - lol - there was hardly any stress compared to what my team goes through.

I wish we would concentrate on what is essential - just sharing the message and getting out into the community.

If I concentrate on me. Do what I have to do and make things happen in my own way, amazing results will happen. When I put aside all of my fear, and desperation, and need to follow certain guidelines- i can create masterpieces.

*sigh*

WHAT TO DO???

I hate when I have to make massive decisions. I HATE IT HATE IT HATE IT. It reminds of the time my ex and I were trying decide whether or not to divorce. It is just sooo much easier to sit still and just let life make decisions for you.

I have complete control over my future. If I want to make things happen, I must work toward a better tomorrow. In perfect Nicole fashion - my blood pressure is responding. Damn.

I thought I was hiding it well.

I guess a few of those resolutions need to start now. I need a few days head start.

I need prayers. I need support. I need positive validation. Damn - I hate being so needy.

I fear what happened to a very talented friend today - will happen to me. Will happen to many others. I fear I have let my health go too long, and now I am paying the price. I fear I cannot hold it together. I fear I will fail.

Hell.. I fear I will succeed.