Things I've Learned This Week

1. The television series on AMC called, "Breaking Bad" is.. well.. Bad Ass. I finished all four seasons (FINALLY.)

2. Since my relationship with "Breaking Bad" is over.. I've felt a little lost. I'm not sure how to function without my lovable neighborhood meth cook and his untrusty side kick.

3. However, due to that relationship coming to a stand still (for now,) I did watch two FANTASTIC movies on Netflix: I finally saw Footloose 2 (cute,) and I watched "House of Spirits." I've got to tell you, it was one of the best movies I have seen in a really long time. The story was GREAT.

4. Work was peaceful this week. ;-)

5. Up until Thursday afternoon. I NEVER open my check stub/envelope thing. For some RANDOM reason, I did. Found a $200 discrepancy- NOT in my favor. *sigh* Should be fixed by Monday.

6. This week was tough at home. Really tough. Cold. Quiet. But I stood my ground.

7. I actually got into the holiday spirit for a little while today. I started the morning off with the Christmas station on Pandora. It's contagious, I tell you!

8. I did attend the Tree Lighting last night. Alone. But I did attend.

9. I'm in the throws of planning my 40th bday party. IT.WILL.BE.EPIC.

10. When Autumn sleeps next to me, and she is breathing out of her mouth, versus her nose... it looks like she has vampire fangs. Both front teeth are missing, and she always had sharp looking fang-like incisors. Very trippy. A baby vamp curled up next to me.

11. I went to Amanda's Cakery for just a cake tasting experience.

 

 

I ended walking out with 4!

12. I decided to carry on the holiday tradition for another night. Autumn and I sat on my bed and watch "Babes in Toyland." She and I were very concerned about Humpty Dumpty. Just so you know - it's all good. ;-)

 

13. The idea of decorating for the holidays, is exciting. The fear of not having everything (since I have not touched my items since 2010,) sends chills up my spine.

 

 

 

Happy Holidays!

Christmas Spirit for One, Please

I could start this post off with some whiney bit about how my day was full of ups and downs. Up with my coworker inviting me to lunch, then proceeding to pay for it. Down for my paycheck being about $227 lower than usual due to a payroll error (and who knows when that will get fixed.) To a mixed bag of .. "well.. I'm going to get some of that Christmas Spirit- even if it kills me.)

I really, REALLY enjoy the holidays. With the right people, I can laugh, sing, dance around - but since I moved back.. I'm sort of flying solo. Most of my friends either have families, or live in a neighboring city. The closest friends I've had for the past 7 years are a state away.  My coworkers tend to go straight home. And the guy I am married to...

Well..

He doesn't even celebrate Christams.

But I don't want another holiday to be a bust. So I decided to put on my Wonder Woman cape and head downtown to the Tree Lighting and Christmas Carols. Alone. The crappy part was leaving a meeting at 6:20pm and having a heck of a time finding a parking place close. I had to park all of the way down on the shaddy end of Poplar Street, and if you are from around here, you know where I am talking about. Right in front of that sketchy store where alleged drug deals go down. I power walked (due to fear, not for aerobic activity points) over to First Street and to the City Auditorium. 3rd graders from the Bibb County Public Schools sang several Christmas Carols. As I stood there, I began to question why I had even come. It was awkward being all alone.. but I stuck to my guns. Just as I was about to turn around and go home, "Let's all have some figgy pudding" was sung and there it was, a twinge of Christmas.

The count down was 5, 4, 3, 2,

Tree #1 came on.

I turned around and saw that the Rosa Parks Square tree was lit (apparently at the same time..) so I walked up the slight hill and stood in awe of the pretty tree.

You can see City Hall behind the Tree. It was twinkly and pretty.

It would have been nice to have some friends there to take photos with in front of the tree. It would have been even better to have my signifigant other with me.

But it is what it is.

I did what I came to do.

I walked back to my car.

I drove home.

I saw that full-ish moon.

And I was happy to not hold myself back from doing what I needed to do for myself.

Happy Holidays and Merry Christmas!

Did you know?

Me and my travels

Did you know?

The top ten things I absolutely...

Love to do:
1. Blog/Write
2. Dance
3. Listen to Music
4. Drink Coffee
5. Take photographs
6. Read
7. Talk.. a lot.
8. Travel to new places
9. Watch movies
10. Kiss

Hate to do:
1. Clean the bathtub
2. Clean the toilet
3. Vomit
4. Drive super long distances alone (6+ hours)
5. Go to the Dentist
6. Be criticized
7. Go to Walmart
8. Hang my clean clothes
9. Wear a bra
10. Color my hair (though it's a necessity)

Love to eat:
1. Gyro
2. Falafel
3. Mashed potatoes
4. Baked potato
5. Icecream
6. Potato chips
7. Prime Rib
8. Coconut shrimp
9. Chicken Wings
10. Cheesy pizza

Hate to eat:
1. ANYTHING with mayo
2. Grits
3. Drink milk
4. Eat slimy seasfood or fishy fish
5. Raw tomato
6. Any form of "greens" (Collard, Mustard.. etc)
7. Unhappy meat
8. Veggies & Fruit with chemicals (meaning - non organic)
9. Kiwi
10. Rice

What about you? Share with me your top 10 lists - even link them up in the comment section.

Let's get to know each other better!

:-)

How do you GET in the spirit?

Finding your holiday spirit is about as easy as trying on those jeans you wore in college. For some, it's simply Not. Going. To. Happen.

For others, you have to grab that wire hanger, hook it on that zipper, and pull with all of your might.

Today I made a point to research opportunities to celebrate the holidays. I used some local resources (Ovations365.com and visitmacon.org) to see what is going on. I suppose those sites were like my zipper. Me actually pulling out my calendar and locking those dates in, was me pulling with all of my might. Now.. it's time to stand and see if I can BREATHE.

I figure if I immerse myself in Christmas, something is going to stick. Last year, the holidays were an absolute BUST for me. But this year, oh this year, I have high hopes - even if the chemicals in my brain and hormones that flow through my system do not want to get on board- I WILL celebrate.

Hell, I might even go as far as to buy some "Christmas earrings." Oh yeah, and even wear one of those tacky-ass bells around my neck.

Well.. okay... maybe that's pushing it a little.

But my plan is a bold one.

I thought I would share with you my CHRISTMAS to-do list. If you are local, you might even get some ideas of your own. ;-)

1. This Saturday I plan to drive to the storage unit and find my Christmas stuff. I have not touched my items since Christmas 2010. THIS should be interesting. The good news is, Autumn will be with me, so I Santa has a little helper. PLUS.. she will help me put the tree together.

The last time I had my Christmas tree up - in Birmingham, December 2010.

2. Sunday morning, I am taking Autumn to have Breakfast With Santa at my church. (For local people- That's St. Joseph's Catholic Church. We'll be over at the school next door (St. Joseph's School.) It's $6 a person, and apparently they will have a huge breakfast spread provided by the Knights of Columbus, holiday crafts, picture time with Santa, a silent auction, and so much more. Food + Santa + My Auttie= Holiday love. If you are interested, it's from 8am until noon.

Photo credit: Unknown - This is my church.

3. At 4pm this Sunday (and this one I am totally debating..) Wesleyan College is having their Annual Christmas Concert. (For those not from around here, Wesleyan is the first school in America to grant degrees to women! If you are a Phi Mu - this is your home university!) It's an all women's college. I thought that might be a nice way to wrap the weekend up. Did I mention, it's FREE??!!

Photo credit: Unknown. This is one of the buildings at Wesleyan College

4. Oops.. I forgot to add, this Thursday night, after a 5:30pm meeting, I'm going to run over to City Hall/Rosa Parks Square and watch the Annual Christmas Tree Lighting in Downtown. It's starting at 6:30pm. It's FREE!

Photo credit: Unknown. Notice behind the tree - you see my church! Not sure what year this was taken.



5. Did I mention Friday, at 11am, Amanda's Cakery (downtown) will have a free cake testing eventing?? It is only 2 streets over.... and.. well... shouldn't we all eat dessert first? The flavors to try are "Sinful Chocolate," "Vanilla," and "Apple Pie."

Photo: The Telegraph. Amanda's Cakery Cupcakes are to DIE for.

6. Next Tuesday night (the 4th,) My former Theater Teacher, Sylvia Haynie, will have an openhouse at her performing arts school. It's called the Academy for the Performing Arts. It starts at 6:30. (Free) and will have performances by the students.

7. Forgot another event that's happening THIS Friday night, from 4pm until - The Macon Arts Alliance Gallery will have a Trunk Show. Oh yeah.. AND on payday for me. Lord have mercy...

8.  Saturday, December the 8th - I hope to take Autumn to another scholastic corner: Mercer Village. (Mercer University is the cornerstone of this area. It's a private university in town.) This is a FREE event- Christmas in Mercer Village. 5pm-9pm there will be inflatables for the kids. 5pm - 7pm there will be ornament decorating for the kids. 6pm-8pm you can have you photo taken with Santa. 7pm they will light the Christmas Tree at Mercer, and finally, at 7:30pm they will show the movie, ELF, outside! Sounds like a perfect night for Auttie and I.

9. The very next day, Sunday the 9th, she and I can head over to the Middle Georgia Christmas Parade in downtown Macon. It starts at 3pm.

Photo credit: Gateway Macon - from last year's Christmas Parade

10. On Tuesday, December the 11th, I definitely want to go see Handel's Messiah at my church. (St. Joseph's.) The cost is $15. (But considering all of the free stuff I will get to experience leading up to it - no big deal, right?! It starts at 7:30pm.

Photo credit: My church

11. On Friday the 14th, at the Sidney Lanier Cottage (for those who don't know, he was a famous poet back in the 1800's.. this was his birthhouse,) there will be the Christmas Cottage & Bake Sale from 9am until 2pm. OBVIOUSLY I have to go. ;-) It's FREE.

Sidney Lanier Cottage

12. That night, on the 14th, the Macon Arts Alliance will have their holiday party. I plan to stop by that.

13. VERY excited about that Saturday night (the 15th,) one of my favorite theater's, Theater Macon, will have a Christmas Cabaret.. and it's a benefit. Bring a toy and the entry is $15. It's a 8pm.



14. THEN - Sunday the 16th.. *drum roll please* The Nutcracker at the Grand. Cost? $18 - $25 a ticket and it's the closing performance. Matinee at 2:30pm.

Photo: Gateway Macon
 

15. On Dec. 20th, there is a free organ interlude (holiday) at my Church (St. Joseph's) at noon. What a wonderful way to spend my lunch hour? My church is just a few blocks from where I work. Then that night, there will be a penance service.


16. Then on the 22nd, some friends of mine are throwing a Christmas Party.

17. FINALLY - Midnight mass on the 24th and that's all she wrote.

Photo credit: My church

What do you plan to do to get in the mood?

New Attitude

 

This is me.

 

Just two days ago.

 

 

This is my inspiration. Always has been.

 

 

This is the old me.

 

 

This is the NEW me.

 

What are your thoughts of the new header?

 

 

We started with THIS:

 

 

 

Then changed to this:

 

 

 

To recently this (Sorry.. the person was cut off - never got a chance to save the whole piece! I had to download from my FB Fanpage.)

 

Now.. all of this was possible thanks to LEANNE!

She's at http://fromchaoscomeshappiness.com

She is incredibly talented and creative.

If you are trying to start a blog and need an artist for hire.

She's your girl!



I did it.

So...

I layed down the law.

I said enough was enough.

The deadline to vacate is January1.

Nope, not me.

Now.. let's prepare for the fall out.

Are they the naysayers?

I might be getting this completely wrong, but I think I am surrounded by naysayers. For the record, I am NOT a fan of the naysayer, especially... when I know I am right.

Okay, okay..

I'm not always right, but for the most part, I tend to keep my mouth shut unless I am 100% sure I am right. Why? Because I don't want to be one of them - the naysayers.

You see them everywhere, and it seems, the older I get, the more they come out of the woodwork. I suppose this is because with experience and age, people tend to be more set in their ways.

Obviously I get a good dose of it with all of the international friends and family I have. Sometimes it's of no use to even try  to reason with someone who has a completely different skew on social norms. The only time I even "go there" is when it deals with historical facts- say for instance... something that happened during WWII. I have listened to CRAZY talk from my in-laws in Egypt about what actually happened with the Jews. Don't even get me started. One of my favorite arguments is about Christ. They will tell me that Muslims love Christ more than Christians do... long story.. but you can imagine how high my voice levels raise when I begin talking about the differences.

I mean.. I am all about sharing our differences, celebrating our commonality, and learning a little something from each other- but there is a time and place for everything.

I experience the naysayer at work. Let's say I am sharing my weekly update. This is usually the list of successes and projects I am attempting to accomplish. There is always one in the bunch that will make a point to try to suggest something (NOO.. I've never thought of that *smh*) or maybe try to correct you on how you choose to do something. It takes an act of God for me not to leap across the table and not strangle someone. It doesn't matter where you work, we all have experienced it.

I also experience the naysayer with friends, and boy oh boy, these are.. well.. people that I am not sure as to whether I should classify them as frenemies or just people I tolerate for the sake of the group. They always poke their noses where they are really not welcomed. The funny thing is, another friends can happily go there - just not the naysayer.

This naysayer will tell you how to live your life, and they love to tell you what you are doing wrong. But note - they rarely share their private business with you. If you ask them, "Oh life is perfect," and of course, the cynic in me sort of smirks. Riiiiight.

Yuck.

I really detest the naysayer.

What type of naysayers do you deal with on a daily basis?

Things I Have Learned This Week

1. Thanksgiving is completely over rated. I took one bite of the turkey and spit it out. It has nothing to do with my mom's cooking, more so with the whole idea of eating a big bird. Done.

2. Since I have officially learned how to make my own pumpkin pie, I don't feel the need to consume all things pumpkin. The novelty is sort of.. well... gone.

3. This week's schedule at work has me all screwed up. 1/2 a day on Monday. Full on Tuesday. Leave early Wednesday. Off Thursday. 1/2 a day on Friday... and so on and so forth.

4. We took separate cars to my parent's house. Can we say, "Speaks Volumes?"

5. When all is said and done.. and it may very well be done.. I'm getting that black cat I have wanted for a while. And possibly a dog. Yeah. That's what I will do.

6. If it really is DONE. And it is really, truly done - Beer & Bacon - My house? ;-)

7. I got nominated for Leadership Macon. Who nominated me? Come forward... quiet person.

8. I get to lead another marketing workshop - this time for the Macon Writer's Group. How cool is that?

9. I am SOOOOOOOO excited about our next First Friday Forum at work. Spoken Word!!

10. You know, as much as I try, there is just one friend that truly annoys me. I'm trying sooo hard to let it go, but you know.. if you are not nice, you make the blog. If you make the top 20 list - you must really be pushing your luck with me.

11. Let's just say... I am planning some trips for the near future.

12. I am down 22 pounds. Did I mention that?

13. I FINALLY feel normal - post Flu & Bladder Infection. FINALLY.

14. I finally upgraded my iphone. Yeah.. good times.



#15 Meet Luna- My parents new cat.

#16 Look at Coolio Daddy Jack. Yep - that's my dad, enjoying a nice cigar outside after Thanksgiving dinner.

#17This tree is right outside of my balcony. It looks "dreamy" because of the finger print on my lens. LOL

#18 meet some of my co-workers. Back left - Tracy, Andy, Father Keil, Tonya and Barrie. Up front - Adra and I.

19.  I bought a k-cup brewing system - FINALLY.

20. Finally... Sooooo ready for Christmas. What about you?

And The Door Slammed

Image: Designindulgences.com

“Sometimes we stare so long at a door that is closing that we see too late the one that is open.” ~ Alexander Graham Bell

It slammed shut and the sound just about caused me to go deaf. That's right, the proverbial door. They say when it closes, typically you can't reopen it. Apparently, that's true. It all seems like a really weird dream, but it wasn't. It happened.

It happened to me.

If you had asked me a year ago what my worst fear was, I would have told you it was losing my job. I knew that if I lost my job, I would more than likely lose everything. You see, unlike some of my other friends, I did not have a massive savings account. I hardly had an extra cent to my name. (We can thank immigration for that one.) I did not have a ton of credit cards to live off of. I did not come from a wealthy family, so the "loans" that I have seen many of my friends who have gone through the same thing got, were not even an option for me. When it happened, I knew that God would be "lowering the boom".

The door... it slammed shut. I reached back to unlock it, to pry it open.. but it was sealed. I knew after a few months, it was over. My side trip to another state and city had come to a end, and it was time to tuck tail and return home.

This time last year I had been unemployed for almost four months. Not realizing that I had five more long months to go. I had lost my home just a month before. When Thanksgiving came around, all I wanted to do was run away. Where? I had no idea. But I wanted to go.

This year, as I sit on my new leather couch in my new home, surrounded by new things, I can't believe how far I have come - yet again. I mean, I knew I was resilient, but this is insane. Do I feel stronger? Hell yeah. Don't let my kindness be mistaken for weakness. Yes, I seem a bit softer than I used to. That's called humility. When you talk to me, I actually hear you now. That's patience.  When you give me something (be it words or an actual item,) I am touched. That's appreciation.

No - things are far from perfect. I have a few more wrinkles to iron out, and as it turns out, there is a high possibility 2013 you will see me flying solo. Not something I wanted. But I feel like yet another door is slamming. I think AGB said it best in the quote above. Perhaps it's time to just move on. To dig in deep and be prepared for the next chapter.

Hell, screw the chapter.

I want to write a new book.

So when you tell me Happy Thanksgiving, I will look you dead in the eye and say, "Yes, I really do have so much to be grateful for."

I wish each of you a delightful day. Until next time..

Weekend with Auttie Blossom

Stages of Change

 My initial reaction is to not post this. I know it will make me uncomfortable, it will seem like I am whining, and it most definitely might get deleted before the sun rises.

But the truth is...

I have to make some serious decisions.

I guess I already have. I just am paralyzed with fear of the unknown.

Again.

I know it's the right thing to do, but at the same time.. it is NOT the thing to do.

The fact that I am being so open about it bothers me also. I suppose I am just trying to process it all.
But here's what happened:
My five year wedding anniversary was Saturday. On Friday night, I debated getting the egyptian a gift. He has resorted back to completely ignoring me, and to be honest, I am not sure what I did to deserve this treatment. Needless to say, I wanted to at least get a card that expressed how much I still loved him. Luckily, I found the perfect card and while he was out with friends (Friday night,) I lay the card on his laptop, knowing he would see it when he came in.

The next morning (our actual anniversary,) he left early for work. My niece was here and was in the bathroom I use, so I decided to go use my husband's bathroom. When I walked in, I noticed the card I gave him in the trashcan. Unopened.

Of course, my heart sunk to my stomach and I called him asking him why he threw it away. Usually he never even bothers to take my calls, but this time he did. He told me he thinks he accidentally threw it away when he was cleaning his room.

No.. I don't buy it.

When he came in that night, I said "Happy Anniversary," and all I got in return was... well.. nothing. He walked right past me, got dressed and went back out with friends.

Something snapped inside of me. I knew I had made excuses long enough. I have put up with being ignored, being mistreated, and let's be honest.. I got dealt a fairly shitty hand in this relationship. I knew enough was enough.

But I'm paralyzed.

Maybe it's the "I told you SOs" that I am dreading the most. Those will come from the friends that thought maybe he was using me to get into the country. (Yes, we met in Egypt.) Maybe it's the skepticism that my parents and sister openly hold about our entire relationship. Maybe it's the laughter from my ex. Maybe it's the public humiliation of going through a divorce. Maybe it's the financial hole I will find myself in again by hiring an attorney and dealing with it all. Maybe it's the shame in the Catholic church being not just divorced, but divorced twice.

Whatever it is...

It breaks my heart.

 

The truth is, it doesn't really matter. I know what this situation looks like on the outside. I know what he and I have gone through on the inside. I also know that these decisions cannot be made lightly.

 

What I do know is that I love myself. I also love him. But I am the only one doing the loving.

 

What happened this weekend was a slap in my face. He's done a lot of really shitty things, and I have forgiven him time after time. But disregarding the significance of our marriage was the icing on the cake.

 

I'm not a fool. I have just spent the last 3 of the five years fighting for something that is entirely one sided.

 

I feel like I should not have to hide what is going on anymore. The truth is - if it ends, at least people will understand, and it will not be so sudden. Hell, half of the people in Macon have never even seen the two of us together at the same time - so what does it matter?

 

I'm hurt. I really am. I wanted so badly for this to be the one. I really did fall madly in love with him and I really do still love him....

 

I just can't continue to live this way.

 

Again... I doubt this post will stay up for very long.

 

But it is what it is. :-(

 

Good night...

Peek Sunday

From time to time, I get a little bored and decide to play around with my camera. Today, I did one of those "sneak peeks" into my pantry & fridge. I've done this before, and I've seen other's do it. I LOVE to see what you guys are eating and what type of brands you shop for. Granted, we are in between grocery shops.. but for fun, I did take a few pics of some random items we have.

Want to see what I'm consuming? lol

Let's start with the freeze. THAT.. my friends.. is the staple in any good middle eastern/busy home. ;-) Frozen falafel. To the right, that's goat. Seriously. *sigh* Below you see some random veggies frozen. At the top left, I think that's chicken breasts. Fairly bare. We don't eat a lot of meat, nor do we like to freeze stuff. We like it FRESH.

The coffee/espresso I use. I do have an espresso maker. ;-)

Top shelf: Greek yogurt is a staple. The one in the back has already been turned into a fabulous tzatziki sauce (I just put it right back in the container. I use real butter (in the dish.) All of the other stuff is food in plastic containers(which we recycle and reuse.) I see some cheese dip (for my Hint of Lime chips) and there is a Vidalia onion wrapped in foil and yes.. that's cool whip for the jello.

Next level. I see three types of "specialty" cheeses. One in the white container is in arabic, but it is the most amazing white cheese (goat.) The one in the plastic wrap with black dots (which I think are cardamon seeds) is really salty and the one in the plastic container with the red top is what the egyptian calls "Turkey Cheese." As in Turkish. It's the driest, saltiest stuff. Totally stinky and completely different that anything you have probably tasted. The green on top - Spicy Guac. In the back, I think there are some carrots, and what you can't see to the left is the milk and eggs.

One shelf has all of the essentials. Lemon juice, Louisiana hot sauce (like all good southern kitchens, bold & creamy chipotle sauce for my famous taco salads, yellow mustard for the egyptian's sandwiches, taco sauce and sugar free blackberry jam.

Another level - Worcestershire sauce, my fave coconut cream coffee mate, some fresh/organic balsamic vinaigrette, and the items that is cover is tomato sauce.

Oh yeah - MY FAVE - Blueberry jam (organic.) I eat it on toast. That crappy processed cheese is to the right. I told you, the egyptian loves his cheese.

I finally got a Keurig/K Cup coffee machine thingy and I have my box of K cups and of course, my organic whole wheat flour for my home made waffles. I keep all of my baking stuff up there.

Here you see the strawberry jello (the egyptian's fave,) chocolate pudding (for Autumn's visits,) my honey collection, my canned veggies for those busy nights, some Peanut butter, tahini, biscoff spread, crackers, prunes, and mac & cheese.

Lebanese flat bread, and buns.

See - I did not even organize it for you: The egyptian's collection of canned tuna (yuck) as well as beans, corn muffin mix, random processed canned stuff for emergencies, a big bag of Zatar and Lentils. In the containers are orzo and basmati rice.

Just a few of my spices (in the front of the cabinet.) Sumac, Mediterranean Seasoned Salt, Paprika, Za'atar, Cayenne, rosemary and cumin.

finally.. some apples and oranges from the farmer's market.


What do you have in your pantry? Share in a post and leave your link below.


Here are some past posts where I showcased some sneak peeks...

November 2010

February 2010